Overwhelmed needing to Vent.

[tadbitconfused]

Has anyone seen the price of gas? Duh, I am sure you have. I am sick on my stomach everyday and the depression is kicking my butt.. Losing my house my cars, lost my job and stuck in a town I hate. Moved here to be with my husband, can't afford to go to see family due to the price of gas. We have to wait a min. 6 months to file, so we can go chapter 7. I have worked my whole life can't stand staying home.. I have only been home a week it was my only outlet to the real world but gas prices and a 100 mile per day commute for a job wasn't cost effective. Gas was taking my whole check. How do I face my family and say yep... I'm a disgrace can't pay my bills so I sit her on my butt explaining that we are broke. Can't do extra things barely make the bills that we have to keep. We have 4 adult kids who look at us and say I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE THAT!! Yeah we were stupid, I went from being a single mom with 2 kids scrapping by to a married mom with 5 kids we were ok but I didn't take the time to budget, My husband makes ok money but instead of doing what was right we spent bought refinanced spend bought refinanced again and spent some more. No options now how payment is way out of range now in foreclosure, 2 vehicles going back, credit cards maxed out, depression worse than ever and no one to blame but ourselves.
I am so embarrassed. I wish I could think of other options. Never missed one payment on credit cards but since credit was getting near the limits they raised the interest rate from 11% to 29.9% get real cant pay that... Wow what to do... Sorry guys just lonesome and depressed husband doesn't want to talk about it... BUT ITS KILLING ME!!

[Minnymouth]

tadbitconfused,

BELIEVE ME, you are not the only one to ever feel this way...... and YES, most of us could kick ourselves in the A**** for what we have done to ourselves financially...... Some of us it was beyond our control and some of us WEREN'T WATCHING as it snuck upon us and smacked us down......

So now when you get thru "kicking yourself - crying - whining - having your nervous breakdown, being all depressed, and wringing your hands - GET OFF YOUR A** AND MAKE YOUR PLANS FOR THE FUTURE....

TIME FOR SOME ACTION.......
TIME TO FILE BANKRUTPCY........
CURE THE PROBLEM ........
GET A FRESH START........
LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES........
PLAN A FUTURE THAT IS DEBT FREE AS POSSIBLE.........

The only direction now is UP..............

"Time to make that budget - learn how to stick to it"..... You will be amazed at "what you can live without"...... I know I was...

Nothing gained if you don't learn from your mistakes in life.....

Vent anytime you need too........ we won't pat you on the back..... but we'll sure kick you in the pants and get you motivated again in the right direction.... cause we've been there and done it too!!!

And you don't know it yet....... but it's GREAT on the other side of all of this..... after its over!!!

HANG IN THERE.......... we're here for ya.... and with ya....

P.S. If you need help with the depression, nerves, talk to your doctor, mine sure helped me..... and now I take no meds at all.....
My doctor knew something was going on cause blood pressure shot up, etc...... she asked if everything was ok?? and I said "not really", my life is a mess right now and she said - tell me about it.... Afterwards she suggested a mild sedative for at night and something for my nerves/depression in the daytime (light-cause I work) - and it did help a whole lot.... So don't be afraid to ask for help....

[DeadManCrawling]

Has anyone seen the price of gas? Duh, I am sure you have. I am sick on my stomach everyday and the depression is kicking my butt.. Losing my house my cars, lost my job and stuck in a town I hate. Moved here to be with my husband, can't afford to go to see family due to the price of gas. We have to wait a min. 6 months to file, so we can go chapter 7. I have worked my whole life can't stand staying home.. I have only been home a week it was my only outlet to the real world but gas prices and a 100 mile per day commute for a job wasn't cost effective. Gas was taking my whole check. How do I face my family and say yep... I'm a disgrace can't pay my bills so I sit her on my butt explaining that we are broke. Can't do extra things barely make the bills that we have to keep. We have 4 adult kids who look at us and say I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE THAT!! Yeah we were stupid, I went from being a single mom with 2 kids scrapping by to a married mom with 5 kids we were ok but I didn't take the time to budget, My husband makes ok money but instead of doing what was right we spent bought refinanced spend bought refinanced again and spent some more. No options now how payment is way out of range now in foreclosure, 2 vehicles going back, credit cards maxed out, depression worse than ever and no one to blame but ourselves.
I am so embarrassed. I wish I could think of other options. Never missed one payment on credit cards but since credit was getting near the limits they raised the interest rate from 11% to 29.9% get real cant pay that... Wow what to do... Sorry guys just lonesome and depressed husband doesn't want to talk about it... BUT ITS KILLING ME!!

There IS another way to look at this, an attitude I decided to follow.

Aside from the negatives, there is an incredible amount of GOOD in your situation, as well.

You have already made "the decision" to file. That is a statement that you are taking back control. Control over your finances, your future, your family. It is an incredibly powerful decision, and can "release" you as well. You have made the first step, and I think, the most difficult.

My wife and I could have stayed on the "debt treadmill" forever I suppose. We had the ability to make minumums (even at 30%) IF we were willing to skip doctor appointments, eyeglasses, insurance payments. We decided that we would rather take care of our family.

As far as what the kids think-my two cents here-let them think what they want. I would discuss it very openly with them. Maybe they can learn from your situation and avoid it in their own lives.

God knows, none of us PLANNED to become bankrupt. In so many cases it sneaks up. We were rolling along just fine (so we thought) until a couple years ago. Looking back on it now, we should have filed then rather than now.

We were in over our heads and didn't even know it. We just kept flailing forward blindly, assuming everything was okay and missing ALL the warning signs.

There shouldn't be any embarrassment over that. Honest people make mistakes. Lots of people, lots of mistakes. We are two of them, and it sounds like you are also.

By the time the wave crested, and we saw disaster, it was too late.

Given that, the only real choice IS bk. And it is a wise one in some situations. I don't view it as a failure at all, nor does the legal system. The whole point is to give HONEST debtors a fresh start.

Sounds like you fit all the requirements.

I know you haven't got much, but you MUST do something to break the mood. We went out, wife and I, for a soda and hot dog after we realized that the stress or depression would eventually kill us if we didn't do SOMETHING-anything-to shatter the sense of failure. More importantly, we talked and opened lines of communication we had long since abandoned. The end result-we are confidently preparing to file, knowing that this IS the beginning of a second chance.

Here's a lengthy post where I gave someone else my thoughts. I don't wanna bore everyone by pasting them here, but I think this says all I feel deep in my heart:

http://www.bankruptcyforum.com/showthread.php?p=89200#post89200

Best wishes, and do see a doctor if that foul depression doesn't fade.

DMC

[wrinkleigh]

TBC --

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from and what you are going through. I could have written your post myself 7 months ago.

There is no sense in wallowing in it, and being at home wishing you were anywhere else. Keep yourself busy. Do all those little things around the house that you have been putting off that dont require money -- just time. Clean out your closets/attic/basement, work outside in your yard. Go to the park and eat your lunch. Enjoy the little things.

Pass your time by getting your affairs in order. If you know you are going to file -- start planning. Get your stuff together -- it is a lot more time consuming than you might think. Organize your bills, make a budget.

Now is the time to realize you have hit rock bottom, and it is time to start the long climb up. It will get worse before it gets better. When you start missing payments, the collection calls will start. Turn the ringers on your phone off, turn your answering machine off. This is how I dealt with it -- I ignored them. Easier than you might think.

Remember -- there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just stay on a steady pace, deal with things as they come, and always remember -- the aggrevation you are going to put up with for the next 6-9 months is NOTHING compared to the lifetime you would have had to work trying to keep up with bills you could never pay off anyway. You have the chance to start over, you just have to work through it.

I am currently waiting on my discharge -I imagine the moment when I can breath again with the realization that I am now completely in charge of my own life for the first time ever. I imagine that will be the sweetest breath I have taken since my very first one when I came into this world.
Dreaming again --

Good luck to you -- PLEASE dont beat yourself up, it wont do any good. We are here for you. Please visit often.

[BassBoy]

You are not alone TBC! A lot of our members have been where you are and they pulled through it and so will you. This is not the end of the world!

You've got a lot on your plate right now. Slowly, but surely, you'll clear it. Take one thing at a time and deal with it. Do not try to take it all on at once.

I can relate to your husband not wanting to talk about it. Some men just have a hard time expressing our emotions and/or admitting defeat. When things were tough for my wife and I, I never wanted to talk about it. Even more, I didn't want to think about or discuss bankruptcy. I thought it was worse thing in the world. But then, I discovered how much better our lives would be once this turmoil was over with. And you know what? IT IS! There is life after BK and most of our verteran members are living proof of that. We've survived this and so will you.

Feel free to vent anytime you need to. DO NOT bottle it up inside because that will do you absolutely no good. I would take Minny's advice and speak to your Doctor. You need to take care of yourself first!

[twuoo]

There IS another way to look at this, an attitude I decided to follow.


Here's a lengthy post where I gave someone else my thoughts. I don't wanna bore everyone by pasting them here, but I think this says all I feel deep in my heart:

http://www.bankruptcyforum.com/showthread.php?p=89200#post89200

DMC

DMC: I just wanted to say that your response was very insightful and heartfelt.

In times of need, it is surprising to find out who your true friends are.

I've never abused cc EVER. My fico scores were in the 800's. I have always paid on time, every time.

All my debt is due to divorce. Unlike some of you who have "something" to show for the debt, such as trips, spending sprees, new cars, what have you......I have absolutely nothing to show for my debt. (Though I wish I did) I'll be filing chap 7, no asset.

I've been bleeding out and living in a monthly deficit for well over a year now. I used one of those online cc calculators and it told me it would take me roughly 60+ years to pay back my debt. I thought that was rather amusing!

Even though I have the crushing debt, my fico score is still hovering around 700. That will change very shortly as I'm going to be converting to cash and carry pretty soon. Wonder what the score will become then?

And much like DMC, I could continue to scramble and pay the mins for the next 60 years and have no life, or I can start taking care of my own needs and my family's needs.

Not a hard choice to make.

We're all hanging in there and waiting for the other side of tunnel!

[tadbitconfused]

Thanks for your help and your thoughts... This will be an adventure... Looking forward to when the ride will be over.

[tradewiz50]

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Has anyone seen the price of gas? Duh, I am sure you have. I am sick on my stomach everyday and the depression is kicking my butt!

[jal1129]

I would say most of us have been exactly where you are, I know I have! About 6-7 months ago I was exactly where you are mentally.

To fight this depression you have to GET OUT Of THE HOUSE and do something different! One of the best remedies I have found is going for a walk. I don't do it nearly enough, but exercise is a great way to help you cope with stress and depression.

[AMISLANDER]

Just know you are not alone...sometimes its good to lose all the material things to start appreciating what can't be taken: What's inside you! Sometimes that's the best place to start over.

Who cares what everyone else thinks; what's important is your family and your future.

For depression, the best thing is to get out of the house and or start purging the house & rearranging things...this is a fantastic time to lose "heaviness".

I don't know what the 100 mile a day to the job thing was but that's way too many miles for anyone to deal with. Where do you live & what were you doing?

Exercise works wonders...