Share with friends?

I'm very concerned/nervous about sharing my bankruptcy with any of my close friends in the fear that they will see me as a failure and someone that they no longer need to be associated with. I'm curious to know how your friends responded to your situation.

Why would you even consider telling anyone that didn't have a real need to know?

I didn't tell anyone. My finances are my buisness.

I told one friend because she babysat my child for our debtor education classes and I told my parents. That is everyone. My best friend doesn't know, his best friend doesn't know, his parent's don't know. I don't tell them how much I make a year or how much my mortgage is. Why would I tell them any other details of my finances.

My close friends know that I’m considering it and will probably do so in the next few months. However, my group of friends are very close, very open with each other and we all talk about the good and bad……we’re pretty much our own support group. We are all professionals and all have hit hard times. Two of us have been hit with divorce. I’m a teacher and I’ve done well for myself, but when my ex-wife started screwing the credit manager (she evidently likes the older, grayer, weathered type) next to her accounting office, it left me with a bunch of extra bills that I didn’t have before the divorce. Another friend is in IT. He just lost his job due to downsizing and is in the middle of divorce and a bankruptcy. He’s in a real mess because the divorce and bankruptcy have each other tied up and I don’t think he knows whats going on half the time. A third friend is an engineer and is in the middle of working with a credit counseling agency and wishes he had filed bankruptcy instead of paying out the rear to them for the past few years but he’s too close to the end of repayment.

I don’t go around telling everyone, but these are friends I’ve known since high-school and college. I don’t talk about it at work. I don’t share with just anyone. If they really are your friends and understand your situation, I would hope that they would support you in hard times. That’s my $.02.

I'm just the opposite - I don't keep anything to myself. I am not ashamed as what was essentially a business decision on my part. If people want to think less of me for what I had to do, or if my so-called friends don't want to associate with me b/c I filed, then it's their loss. They weren't true friends anyway. JMHO!

My close friends know. It was never a big deal to them. You'll find as you go along, it's like every other person you meet will be considering or doing it. :unsure:

I've shared with a few folks. Only those that I have pretty much felt out that they wouldn't care. And they don't. My friends were more concerned about *me* as a person, than what I might "look like"

We told our families but we have open relationships and we needed the support of family through this. But it's not something that hubby shared with anybody he works with and I only have a few (but close) friends.

We didn't tell anyone that we filed, and no one knows. We decided it is our personal business and no one but us need to know.

If someone thinks less of you because you had to file bk and no longer want to be associated with you. Then they are not true friends and your probably better off without them anyways, that doesn't mean you have to tell them. I will say from my personal experience though having someone to talk about everything with though has helped me.

I told my parents and 2 best friends only. I did not tell inlaws, siblings, employer, etc...

And the only reason I told my 2 best friends is because I used to work with them and they work with one of the creditors I filed on. They were going to find out anyway. I told them the day of filing. They were very supportive, understood and happy for me to get this financial burden off me...they are great people. (they are also my little ears of what is going on with the creditor and what their intentions are).

As far as everyone else....it just doesn't concern them.

We told our parents first. Then my brother and a friend because I needed to explain I needed to wait until after the bk to pay them back some money I borrowed. I also had to tell my boss because I am a licensed stockbroker and have to file a report annually which specifically asks, "have you ever filed for bankruptcy". I wanted to tell him the situation first instead of it just coming up on some report.

Other than that, I think a few more friends knew here and there but only because we gave up the house and moved out. They asked how we sold it int his market.

We told our parents first. Then my brother and a friend because I needed to explain I needed to wait until after the bk to pay them back some money I borrowed. I also had to tell my boss because I am a licensed stockbroker and have to file a report annually which specifically asks, "have you ever filed for bankruptcy". I wanted to tell him the situation first instead of it just coming up on some report.

Other than that, I think a few more friends knew here and there but only because we gave up the house and moved out. They asked how we sold it int his market.

I thought having a bankruptcy in your record made it almost impossible to work in the financial field where any handling of money or serious responsibility was required. Has filing made anything difficult for you with respect to your job or do you think it will (such as licensing, getting promoted, getting a new job, etc.)?

We told my parents and I told one very close friend. DH chose not to tell anyone he knows personally, felt it wasn't any of their business.

We only told my parents- My mom was the one who suggested I look into bk since I was so stressed out with no ideas. May have been some of her best advice yet!
We also told a friend that we knew had filed bk and my sister, who wishes she could file bk but doesn't technically need to.

No one needs to know at all really. After you file bk you are probably in much better shape financially than half your friends, and no one needs to know your secret way of getting there!

I'm very concerned/nervous about sharing my bankruptcy with any of my close friends in the fear that they will see me as a failure and someone that they no longer need to be associated with. I'm curious to know how your friends responded to your situation.

It all depends on how you yourself view "close friends." Close friends, to me, mean people who basically share your everyday life and are like family - there if you need them and vice versa. You do a lot of things together and help them with decision in their lives, etc. Your kids, if you have any, may have grown up together. In another view, "close friends" can mean people you know well and talk with now and then but do not share in your personal lives but who you know well enough to call to chit chat, need some advice, etc., etc. If your friends fall into the first category, they will know that something is bothering you the minute it occurs. They will want to know what is wrong. The second tier described above have no idea about your daily goings on and probably don't even know which bank you use or where you grocery shop.

No one need to know your own personal business. If you decide to share it with someone close, that is up to you. If you think someone should not know, don't tell them. If ever questioned as to "gee, you look edgy today" or "why don't you go to lunch with us as often as you do?" Tell them you are just getting through some hard financial times and need to cut down or you can say there is an illness in your family that you are worried about. Lots of people go through financial issues now and then so unless you want to divulge the details, you can just leave it at that.

Also note - "close" friends do not think of you as a failure in anything or they are not friends. Close friends are there for you in anything - from minor to major events in your life and they are the ones that will come to your aid at 3:00 a.m. if you need help. Any friend who turns away from you due to filing bankruptcy is not a friend.