Feeling the mental pain

[Broke 2]

Yep its come down to BK, I have paddled long enough. I've lived above my means for a long time. At one time I had a 2nd sm business that was keeping me floating well. On the outside I was looking good. Most of my peers think Im loaded. I have most of the things I've wanted. The only problem is I used credit to obtain them. Friends used to make statements pertaining to the amount of money I appeard to have, judging by my material thing I've gathered. My response to them was....nah I just have good credit....Now thats slipping away...as I slide down the minimum monthly payment slope.
W'ell Im still keeping it a secret and hoping for a Fresh start. I make decent money...but the bills are outweighing the income. I filed Chapter 7 last week. My secured bills are current, I have 42k in unsecured debt. The worst part is my wife whom is a hard worker, excellent saver,never late. super credit has no idea of my financial situation. We always had separate credit and individual accounts. I've always paid the 1 & 2nd mortgage, and individual car notes. Im tired of feeling like Im living the lie. Im tired of having to screen the creditors calls to keep her from asking question. I feel like heel..because its all my fault...I can give good financial advice...but cant take my own advice. Does anyone feel my self inflicted pain?

[ducksinarow]

I can not imagine how hard it is for you to be keeping this from her. I know the calls here are hard to miss. They call from the minute it turns 8 am, until a minute before 9 pm. Constant. Over and over.

Hope things get better for you soon and the bankruptcy goes well.

[StaciMM]

Once upon a time, I felt that I had to handle everything financially. When my husband wanted things or wanted to do things-I had a hard time telling him no. Maybe I didn't want to admit we couldn't afford it, or maybe I just didn't want to admit it to him. When I got collection calls, I pretended they were telemarketing calls-told them to take me off their lists & not call me anymore. I don't really think it fooled him, but it was a good cover I thought. I'd dread him calling me during the day, thinking maybe something came in the mail that I didn't want him to see. It wasn't that we were in bad shape because of me-it was a joint effort.

Now that things are out in the open & we are jointly aware of our budget we are better off. Even without the 'dischargeable' items, we weren't bringing in enough to cover rent, vehicles, utilities, regular expenses. We had fallen behind on rent, vehicles were a step away from being repo'd and I figured we were going to have to move. I honestly thought that 'we' would be done when he found out. I started making plans to find a cheap apartment, figured I would certainly end up w/ the kids and maybe would qualify for some sort of assistance. I didn't give him enough credit though. When all the dirty laundry got aired, it wasn't pretty and he was upset-afterall I hadn't been honest-but we made it thru. He borrowed $$ from his mom to catch up on rent, and he got an extra job to catch up everything else. (Vehicles, utilities, etc.) Now, it turns out that 2nd job has better potential than what he had been doing and he has reason to believe he can move up the ranks within a year. Our proverbial S**T hit the fan mid May, and now we're current on all monthly bills. We haven't paid back his mom (paid $500 of $2400) but she has given us til March.

I no longer worry about the phone ringing, or what is coming in the mail. And, I'm ok with telling him 'we can't afford it' though he has also gotten better about wanting everything!