Thoughts about letting house go

[kristineco]

Hi all, after a month of a truck accident, spouse's speeding ticket and lawyer fee to get it dropped because SO is a professional driver and cannot have points on DMV and daughter loaning scooter to 14 year old friend who crashed it......now we cannot afford our house. We are a month behind on our mortgages and are gonna give up house. My question is this.....if i surrender my home with the bk could the trustee push me into a 13 because he "thinks" i will have some income left after paying rent? I suppose if i stay within my local area's housing expense i will be ok. Anyone else experience this? I passed means test so that does not seem to be an issue (I hope). Actually i don't really care if i am pushed into a 13 i just want to be able to not feel so much FINANCIAL PRESSURE! My mortgage is 2245 a month and i cannot afford it along with other expenses that we have. I have found an apartment and basically had no problem renting it. Its all the unknowns in this process that can make you nuts!

I mean if i surrender my house and just leave with no for sale sign or anything what will my neighbors think? Will i be a loser and a deadbeat in their eyes?
Will i be able to keep my self-respect intact. Will my lawn grow while in foreclosure proceedings and need to be cut and i will have to face my neighbors? "Oh hi Kristine did you sell your house." "Um no mr neighbor.....i surrendered it in bankruptcy." And when we are moving mrs busy body nosy neighbor will come over and say "We didn't know you were moving." "Have you sold your house.?" I guess i can just tell them we are renting it out. Kind of embarassing and humiliating. Plus i can only keep 2 of my 4 animals in apartment so that is agonizing as well.

But the good things are that my daughter will be going to a much better school. My rent will be more affordable than mortgage. We can save money and not use credit for emergencies. We can save money and get another house in few years.

Wow i really was worried about how to explain to neighbors about moving but now that i have a plan im cool again.

What's really amazing is the support i am getting from my mother and best friend. I was so scared to tell them. Oh and this board is a life saver!

kristine

[SinkingFast]

We're kinda in the same spot.

We did the fix up routine to sell, but moved on to put our family back together. The house has been sitting there, vacant, For Sale, for months. We've had 3 offers. 2 were lowball rediculous. One wouldn't even pay the mortgage and REA commissions. One wanted us to pay all their closing costs and a whole bunch other stuff so it put us in the same spot financially. No payoff for the mortgage and fees. We finally have an offer from a contingent buyer who isn't selling their house the traditional way. They're going FSBO. So, of course, it's taking longer.

Check out the rules for your State. How is Foreclosure handled there. You may have some time to get ready before you have to move.

If you want, you can go thru the pretense of trying to sell. Something for the neighbors to see. That you tried, at least. If not, don't worry with the effort.

You do what you've got to do for your self. For the health and safety of your family. Your neighbors can go to Hell in a hand basket. Just like Desperate Housewives, I'm betting they have dirty little secrets of their own.

A short story to make you feel better. I still keep in touch with a couple friends from our old neighborhood. My best friend and I served on the Board of a few community things. Worked PTA together, etc.

There was this one man we worked with. I'll call him Dave. A Dad that got out there and worked on the Committees to get things done. GF ran into Dave the other day. Turns out, Dave has left his wife and took up a serious relationship with his long-haul, over the road, male driving partner.

I have nothing at all against honosexuals, but I'd bet Dave's wife would rather the neighbors not know her Hubby left her for another man.

So don't you worry about what they say or think. The one's who really care about you will still speak to you. The rest can go howl at the moon for all I care.

[13inOR]

I agree with SF. In most cases, you will never even see these people again,
unless they are close friends, in which case, they will probably be very
understanding!

[aa06a47]

Yes, you cannot worry about what others will think. You have to get on with your life. I figure, I'll just put my head up and say crap happens. Most important part will be what I do once I'm free of this stuff.

I'm in a real pickle myself, especially at work, my best friend at works wife will be sueing me in court over my cc debt. She represents one of the big cc companies. While I don't know her, she had attended some of our work functions. This might get embarrasing, but I decided that I must do what is best for me right now. (He is always telling me about people at work who she is suing....I hope he keeps his big mouth shut when she finally sees my name)

[SinkingFast]

Aa!! I have a thought for you about your co-worker's wife!!

Alert your attny in advance. Give your attny the co-worker's wife's name so your attny can exclude her before your case ever comes up. That's a conflict of interest situation and if your attny objects, that CC company will have to put another attny on your case.

[Minnymouth]

Yes that is definetely a conflict of interest...... Talk to your attorney real soon.

[Minnymouth]

kristineco,

You worry too much about WHAT other people might think......
If the truth was known they are probably in the same shape you are just not doing anything about it.......

Life happens, mistakes are made, and life throws some curve balls at us...... WE DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO TO SURVIVE.....

If filing bankruptcy cures the problem - THEN SO BE IT.....

No shame in it, no reason to feel guilty....

JUST try to make sure that the FUTURE is dealt with better....... and keep our lives uncomplicated with credit card debt.....

My thoughts,

[kristineco]

Worry Wart Here

Minny I KNOW i worry too much about what other people think but that is how i was raised "to keep up with the Joneses" and i realize that that belief has a lot to do with why i am in this situation.

And sinking funny story...check out my avatar.


Kris

[debtisbad]

Kristin,

Do not feel bad. We were all raised to keep up with the joneses. It is still going on. At my sons baseball practice all the moms were talking about their new houses they were building, taking the kids to disney, their new lexus, ect. I got depressed and went and sat in my car.

[SinkingFast]

Minny I KNOW i worry too much about what other people think but that is how i was raised "to keep up with the Joneses" and i realize that that belief has a lot to do with why i am in this situation.

And sinking funny story...check out my avatar.


Kris

OK,............... Maybe I'm just not awake yet,............. Or I'm having a blonde moment. You'll have to explain that one to me.

I do apologize in advance for being an IDIOT!!

[edwards2]

debtisbad....I know what you mean...it is so hard not to be jealous. One of my brothers struggled financially when he started his own business and now his business is going like gangbusters...I am happy for him because he went through a lot to get to this point but now instead of being grateful for what he has he looks down on anyone who doesnt have what he has. I have resigned myself we will never be rich - at least financially. We do without our youngest son can go to a private school. The school system here is horrific and he is doing so well in school - a 3.9. We know we are making an investment in his future. We dont have a new house; it is a nice house, we dont drive new cars or take great vacations. Somehow when I look at my son I realize what is really important. You will too. Those people have material wealth. We would all like not to worry about money but we make our own choices. My brother gives to the church, etc., but his name and the name of his company has to be prominently displayed. I have more respect for people who give anonymously. God knows you are generous - is it really necessary that everyone else know too - or is it really about just that?

[Minnymouth]

People who are wealthy or think they are - put a great deal of emphasis on getting "credit" for their donations. They want everybody to know....... a lot of times its a one-time donation.

The other man - who is not as wealthy, or middle class, or poor - can give from the heart and wants no one to know....

One gives and "brags about it" - the other gives and no one every knows!

Its not what you give - it's the reason you give it!!!

Yes, people put a lot a statue into "keeping up with the Jones" so to speak.

I have 2 brothers - one a "Jones" guy.......... the other (a lot wealthier - but you would never know it......

The oldest HAS TO HAVE the best of everything - no matter what...... If it comes out NEW - he has to have it!
The youngest buys inexpensive, but quality....... and he only buys what he really needs in life..... no fancy, frilly, updated stuff for him....

The oldest brags, belittles what others have. He offers help to no one....

The youngest would share his food and give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.

And these are two men, raised in the same family, by the same parents.......

As different as day and night!!!! Their ideas, their way of living, their standards, and their morals....

The only thing they both have in common - is they are both FAMILY MEN...... who adore and spend a great deal of time with their families. And strange enough - OUR FAMILY LIFE growing up was not good. Talk about a disfunctional family - ours was!

I tell them both - Money does not make the Man - because they both have money!!!

So - Keeping up with the Jones does not apply to a lot of people - just those that THINK they HAVE TOO!!!!