At the end of my rope

[dweebolina]

I just really need to vent about this....sorry..... Dh when we first got married was very "in control" of our budget and we have always had two seperate checking accounts and had money left over, well, obviously we didn't as we filed Ch 7 in December. Well, we have still been living pretty much paycheck to paycheck since filing but I have always been able to take small amounts from my checks and put them away. This has been very hard as I don't make a lot but I have done it. Well, last month dh told me that I was going to have to start giving him money each month as he doesn't have enough to last through the month. I sat down and printed out our budgets (both seperate) and showed him what he he has left over every month as compared to what I have (BIG difference). He was absolutely stunned and said "I wonder where it goes". I am the only one living within a budget and putting money away and let me tell you, it's not pretty but hey, I can do it. We also had a nice sum of money in savings ( some from paying to much in escrow) and it was decided by both of us what we would do with the money. Come to find out, dh took all but 30.00. I am ready to scream as I needed that money to help us live on for the next month as I have started a new job and don't get paid unil 10-20. I don't know what to do. It was money for food, daycare, school lunches, and gas.

I am at my end with this, I don't know what else to do or say. At the beginning of BK it was like a sigh of relief, a fresh start, but now, there is this lack of trust, communication, I don't know what to call it, and I don't even know what to do to fix it. I have told him I was going to take over all of the bils, checks, etc. but he won't change his direct deposit.

DH is a wonderful person but this BK has totally changed him as it has me. I don't know how to talk to him about this as he is already in the depth of despair but I can't do this anymore.

Thanks for listening!!!

[karenandsteven]

I feel your pain. I have a similiar story. I am trying to get mine to read the total money makeover by dave ramsey.

[SinkingFast]

Dweeb,...........

It seems to me that ONE of you learned from the BK experience and the other one DID NOT.

Unless you can find some sort of common ground, financially speaking, I see "Disaster in the Making, Part II" and it ain't pretty.

Since Hubby won't agree to you taking over all the bill paying and money, maybe you might get him to write you a check every month. He keeps his Direct Deposit and pays the bills he's responsible for. He also "pays" you most of his "disposable income". Be sure and leave him a bit of "spending money" for beers or lotto tickets or whatever his fun thing is.

Then you have control of most of his disposable income and yours to save for your joint future together.

Just a thought for you.

Maybe this will help you be creative and find a way that will work for you.

[debtisbad]

Dwee,

I just sent you a PM.

[Minnymouth]

Often during the bankrutpcy process......... one spouse "sees the light" - the other doesn't........ THEN you have a "battle" over the financial issues at hand.....

If you filed bankruptcy together, then its a mutual thing..... if you filed separately (individual) then it's you financial situtation at hand....

If you have a "rogue spouse" (male or female) - with I don't care attitude, you handle it attitude, etc....... not only do you have a "financial problem" you also have a "marital problem" that is fixing to rear it's ugly head......

Marriages today are NOT WHAT THEY USED TO BE...... it is not now "for better or worse - thru thick and thin - through sickness and health".......

Its' till I get "tired of you", bored, till I can do better for myself, etc..... (it's a proven fact now - that 50% of all marriages end in divorce or separation....

Love of someone WILL NOT HOLD A MARRIAGE TOGETHER - mutual respect and commitment of both to the "family unit" does....

If you are in a bankruptcy where a "spouse" is living hell, just trying to get thru it....... you have my deepest sympathy......

YOU DO WHATEVER IT IS YOU NEED TO DO TO TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN...... your spouse will survive.... with or without you!!!

Marriage is often like a business deal........ sometimes you have to "cut you losses" - JUST TO SURVIVE LIVING IT.... Not because you want too, but out of neccessity for the good of the family unit....

I've seen too many times lately where the this is "my paycheck" and "this is yours"...... you pay the bills!!!

When I see a spouse takes out of his/her paycheck for "his/her pleasures" - (cars, pot, whatever), and I see their spouse "struggling" to put food on the table and keep a roof over their head...... I WONDER - is this "love you have for this person - really worth it"..... are you "doing your children a kindness"???

LOVE IS BLIND - but it doesn't have to be "deaf, dumb, and stupid" at the same time!!!

An example:
I have been watching a friend of mines cousin the last 3 months.... He's fresh out of prison (non-support), no car, nothing, just the clothes on his back.... (many years divorced with 1 child)....

He came here to get a "fresh start" in life - hopefully..... kind of sad at 42....

All he has is wallmart bag with his clothes in it.... NOTHING ELSE.....

Found him a job a McD's..... someone has to haul him around, no liscense till child support is current!!! NO CAR...... NOTHING.....

So he gets out, finds him a "honey" (widow-1 small child, 2 grown).... and who is sooooo lonely she will grasp at anything to be happy these days.....

Now he is in the process of "Babe, I can't afford that, don't have any money, need my drivers liscense, need a car, need clothes, etc......

Needless to say...... she's trying to help him -she's a good and kind person (as others did, and have quite) - even his own family won't help him now after all these years.....

Financially, she can right now - but that doesn't mean it's going to be there always for her.......

I sit as he "waste" her time, energy, effort, money, feelings, and emotions on a man that is "sucking her dry" every day with a laugh in his heart..... and smile on his lips!!!!

I told him the other day "How does it feel to be a jiggalo??????????

He said, I'm no jiggalo - she wants to spend her money on me..... I'll let her!!!
I told him "your a true jiggilo - no qualms about it - and I hope to HELL it comes back and bites you in the ASS!!!!!

Is her love so BlIND - she can't see, or she just DOESN'T WANT TO SEE.......???? All for the sake of "loving someone"????

She can very well love a good man, instead of a "bad one"....... her choice is Hers.....

WHAT A WASTE, WHAT A SHAME........ that we will do things like this to our own lives........ and then suffer the consequences......

Are we LOVE BLIND? probably! Are we STUPID? some!!! Do we really know better? more than likely!!! Do we always DO BEST for our children and the situtations we get them in? NO......

Okay, of the soap box with my examples.......

No offense intended for anyone here on the forum, just my thoughts on a Saturday morning with time on my hands for a minute....

One of my "favorite topics" - LIFE'S PITFALLS AND HOW WE HANDLE THEM!!!!

'LOVER BEWARE - THE PATH CAN BE VERY ROCKY'!!!! Is it worth the ride???????

Minny

[9877donna]

What a rotten thing for your hubby to do to his family!!

Quote from OP:dh took all but 30.00. I am ready to scream as I needed that money to help us live on for the next month as I have started a new job and don't get paid unil 10-20. I don't know what to do. It was money for food, daycare, school lunches, and gas.

First I'd like to say I'm sorry this is happening to you during a difficult time.Second a 'wonderful person' or not what your husband did is totally irresponsible,uncaring and immature.He KNEW that money was necessary for his family to live on and he took it anyway.Something is definitly wrong with that.I'd get an account in my name only and put your savings in there from now on.Don't take a chance on letting him get his hands on the money you so desperatly need for day to day expenses for your family.
He should be ashamed of himself.
Good Luck to you and your family.
Donna

[tradewiz50]

Divorce may be in your near fututure. Money for food is nothing to mess with. Exspecially if you have kids.