Lying about house - will it catch up with me?

[hnhlvr]

This forum seems more active than the foreclosure forum, so I just want to sob a bit here. Last night I nearly freaked out as an acquaintance asked 'what exactly is going on with your house?', and I was stuck in the hard position of lying or telling the truth. This person isn't what I'd consider a friend and I felt like it was non of her business and I didn't want to lie either, so I said I'm not sure yet.

Also, there are a few women that I've become friends with since moving 10 minutes from our home (in a new community) and I'm finding myself first saying that we are planning to sell our home, but then realized they may later ask if we've sold our home yet, so now I wish in the first place I had said we sold it.

AHHHH!!! What do I do? I tend to be an overly honest person (hence, me first saying we haven't sold our home) but now for the first time, I'm realizing the truth VERY MUCH goes over the line into what I consider my PERSONAL business and I'd rather not talk to people who I mostly associate with due to location/schools rather than as best buds.

Thoughts on how to handle this? Would you be offended if a person you knew lied and said it sold when it actually went into foreclosure, or would you realize that it's NOT your business?

[MomIcantFindmy]

I sure would understand if a person I knew said it sold when it actually went into foreclosure. I think most people are just trying to make conversation but it really isn't any of their business.

If you are uncomfortable saying that (I would be). You can try..."oh it is such a long story"...or ....."I wish I had time to tell you everything but it is way to involved".....or ....."I wish I knew"...or...."gosh my husband handles all of that, I have no idea". Always change the subject immediately following. If people are truly way to nosy then they will continue and you need to feign no knowledge. Just like interrogation...they will only stop when they believe you do not know the answer or have given all the information you have. (I prefer them to think I do not know the answer).
Good luck!!!!

[BassBoy]

Hmmm...think of it this way.

Well, if you said it's up for sale, or it sold, when in fact it went into foreclosure, then you "really" didn't lie. Think about it...........the home is up for auction where someone buys it, so in a sense, the house is up for sale..........just not advertised with a realtor.

[Frogge]

My answer to that question to people that I don't want to know is always "ahh, who knows". /change subject.

[Priceless ProSe]

Why would someone ask, "what exactly is going on with your house"? Is there something wierd going on, like signs, or have you just been telling diff people diff things? Either way, if you dont want people to know just donttalk about it anymore, dont lie or tell the truth. If it were me I would just tell people it was being forclosed. Dont worry what they think, or if you do just tell them, "well this house is only worth 250k and I owe 500k, although foreclosure hurts my credit it would be horrible business sense to take a 250k loss when I dont have to." That will probably shut them up, either they wont understand or they themselves may be sitting on top of a monumental loss in the form of an upside down home.

[Martha13]

Oh, boy, I share your pain! I am in the same exact predicament, and spending a little too much time (in my opinion) worrying what people might think, and what my "story" should be...I have actually rehearsed answers in my head--stupid, I know, but human nature. I agree with the other posters--deflect deflect deflect change the subject and start asking questions about THEM--nuttin' personal, just average stuff--you know how it is, people love to talk about themselves. Ask the new neighbors about their lovely rose bushes, or the community friends about how their kids are doing, have they gone anywhere interesting this summer..blah blah blah...But I loved Bassboy's answer--it's not a lie, so yep, your conscious is clear!

I personally am dreading the questions (have already had a few, from neighbors from where we're moving from, and the new ones we live by now) but I'm being a bit on the vague side, saying "we haven't decided yet", we're waiting to see what happens with other houses for sale in the neighborhood...they rarely push on when you simply say "I don't know"....and I tend to just kind of trail off and throw in a couple of comments about the economy, buying at a bad time...and let it go at that. If anyone has any common courtesy, they won't keep pushing you..but we ALL know people who do. And sometimes, like someone else said, they may also be facing a dire financial situation of their own, and want to know what other people are doing about it.

[Tabbygirl]

So you just moved to the new area...? Just kind of laugh and blow it off and don't answer.

I think people just ask out of normal conversation; I did that myself, when I saw a friend's house w/ a 'for sale' sign and just asked out of habit--I got kind of a vague 'i dunno...' answer when I asked where they were moving. I felt bad because I think I inadvertently asked about about a financial problem (BTW, the house is still for sale, 3 years later...not good....).

Or just respond with how much you like it in your new area and that "everything is taken care of with the house." It's no one's business if you choose not to tell. I live in a very small town so we have become adept at squelching rumors.

[fltoo]

Tell them you decided to sell, but with the market the way it is, you decided just to short sell it. Physically the foreclosure and short sale look the same at the property, as far as being empty, etc.

If someone sees it in a foreclosure notice, say, "I don't know what happened, maybe the short sale fell through. I am not invovled with the process and I don't care what the bank does with the house."

The general public has no clue about the difference in short sales, foreclosures, etc. Short sale has a better connotation.

I use this "lie" all the time. It doesn't phase me in the least. LOL

[JRScott]

Honesty is the best policy.

How you tell them is up to you, many truths depend upon our own point of view. Ultimately the house is up for sale if its in foreclosure. You might just tell them the truth that it ended up being to much house and that your having to downsize. You might be surprised to that some of these people might have had to do bk in the past too.

[woeisme]

Why don't you try "I'm sorry, but I was raised to believe that asking others about their personal financial matters was unbearably rude, so really can't respond to your question." Follow this immediately up with a question of your own, "If you don't mind me asking, why is it that you would inquire about such a thing?"

Ok, I'd never really have the guts to answer in such a way, but it makes me smile just thinking about it.

[justplaintired]

I do understand not wanting to share your personal life with acquaintances, I don't even want to share my story with close friends and family. Just tell them you sold it and leave it at that. The chances they will find out different really is not important, most likely they won't ever confront you with it anyway. Focus on now and what really matters your fresh start. I know we aren't sharing our story, we feel it's no one business but ours.

Matter of fact you wanna hear something kind of funny. The only people I talk BK with or our situation with is you people on here. No one else needs to know, well except the creditors! LOL

[Flamingo]

Just an "Acquaintance?" This person does not need to know any of your personal affairs you choose not to tell them. Nix all converasation about your home and if it comes up in discussion state your husband is handling all the details as you are too busy to get involved and change the subject over to them. If you become "friends" with any of these acquaintences, simply advise you kept quiet at that time because things were personal in nature and you did not know anyone well enough to explain personal issues.

[hnhlvr]

Thanks everyone for your support. All your comments have made me feel MUCH better.

JRScott, I do not believe in telling people my personal finances. Like Woeisme suggested saying, that I was raised never to talk about money issues with people, is actually how I was raised. I don't like to be gossiped about how we lost our house and our current financial position IS NOT anyone's business.

Fltoo - saying the house is being short saled is a good idea. Most people don't even know what that means - lol - so they may think it's a great option. I'll be sure to take down the foreclosure notice after it is posted.

Justplaintired - Like you, I don't talk to very many about my personal sitation. My MIL knows and my best friend knows and neither would tell anyone. I think other family have guessed what is going on, but lucky for me they all have enough of their own problems to keep them preoccupied so we're not entirely in the spot light. Possibly it's that way with everyone, but some are better at hiding that than others.

It is VERY wonderful to have this board to talk to you all here. My dh seems to be glad too, mostly because he isn't bugged as much about all the details involving BK! lol

Oh, and I want to clearly point out that part of my wanting to hide all this comes down to my kids and how socialization could be affected by what is going on with the house. Who knows what may be said and they will not understand. . . what would come of that?

[Martha13]

I'll be sure to take down the foreclosure notice after it is posted.

Hey!! You just mentioned something I've been wondering about for awhile..can we do that--remove the notice, I mean? I was wanting to do the same, I moved really close by, and thought about yanking it the minute I saw it, but didn't know if that was "legal" or not--dh seemed to think it wasn't, but I've never seen that brought up before!! Anyone know?? (and I'm glad our comments made you feel better..at least, I hope mine did.)

[momof2furbies]

I guess you could take down the sign - but in our town, they put your name and address in the paper with the date of the auction - so that makes it a little difficult.