Problems brought on my stubborn spouse...

[liz417]

One more thing... I have been on this forum for a while but still cannot figure out what DH and DW stand for. At first I thought it was Divorced Husband or Wife but I don't think that's right.

Will someone please fill me in?

Ha Ha!!!! I was wondering the same thing but was too embarrassed to ask!!!
I thought it stood for "domestic husband/wife"

[AngelinaCat]

To add to that list:

DD = Dear Daughter
DS = Dear Son
SIL = Son in law
DSD = Dear Step-Daughter
.....and so on. I haven't figured them all out yet.

[Cali]

You are married so both should deal with the situation. Waiting isn't going to make it go away.

I am the same, I can't say enough about this subject..

I am STILL quiet, DH does not know how much we owe and I am waiting until the last possible moment to tell him. Why tell him? He'll stress out just like me and we'll both be a wreck. He'll be mad that I let it get THAT bad (even though I know it's not all my fault, I struggle with that). He knows everything but the actual dollar amount of the CC debt, including how much I pay out monthly to the cards.

I just can't believe we floated like this for so long, and how the mounting pressure of the bills and shuffling this and that like momof5 was talking about, to me this was "normal" !?! when in reality things were escalating little by little -- to the point where I feel like an emotional slave to the credit.

[PoorGrammyinBK7]

Well DH may have gotten us into the mess originally, but I contributed by being the "stubborn one", thinking of course we can pay all our debts - we always have!

When one of our credit cards (largest balance) suddenly and for no reason (we were always current and paid more than minimum) DOUBLED our interest and when questioned as to "why", said "BECAUSE WE CAN", and said it would be done across the board (effecting our 2nd largest balance CC), I felt we should take action!

So, brilliantly (excuse me while I kick myself one more time), we took out money from our zero balance Home Equity line of credit and paid off all our cards (except one little one that we forgot and had just paid $100 on it). Made sense to consolidate them and get the rate down to 6.5%, right? WRONG!!!

About a month later, wham - a judgement - NEVER thought it would happen. And they started harassing us like crazy, till we were sick, literally (especially me) - very sick.

SO - we got kicked off the edge of the BK cliff by a lawsuit which we thought we would win, because we felt we had the truth on our side. We NEVER wanted or planned to file BK and maybe we were in sheer denial, but did not think we would have to. Thought it would all work out.

But it ultimately got too scary and nerve-racking, so we did. Wish we had just done it before we took out the money and paid off the CC's!!!!! But we did not forsee what was about to happen. So basically, we just screwed ourselves big time by doing that.

I don't know if the trustee will say those CC payments are preferential or not (a little less than 90 days), but as I understand it, thats between the creditors that got the payments and the trustee.

Now because I am the only one with time, I have had most of the burden of getting it all together - and I just PRAY it is all there and goes okay.

[deafbroke]

DH = Dear Husband
DW = Dear Wife

I thought it was dipwad and deadhead.


DB

[justplaintired]

I am the same, I can't say enough about this subject..

I am STILL quiet, DH does not know how much we owe and I am waiting until the last possible moment to tell him. Why tell him? He'll stress out just like me and we'll both be a wreck. He'll be mad that I let it get THAT bad (even though I know it's not all my fault, I struggle with that). He knows everything but the actual dollar amount of the CC debt, including how much I pay out monthly to the cards.

I just can't believe we floated like this for so long, and how the mounting pressure of the bills and shuffling this and that like momof5 was talking about, to me this was "normal" !?! when in reality things were escalating little by little -- to the point where I feel like an emotional slave to the credit.

Frogge I can so relate to this. I paid the bills and carried the weight of our debt on my shoulders. We didn't talk about how far in debt we were I didn't want to fight. I mentioned BK a few times but he didn't think we needed to file. So we just kept getting further and further in a hole.

I got to be a pro at shuffling bills, and always managed to pay on time. I lived in a hell that I am sure alot of us can relate to. I was a slave to cc. I honestly feel like the cc were slow driving me into a depression. I didn't want to use them but if I didn't we couldn't eat. I was raised to pay my bills, so I kept them paid, but that meant I had to use them to feed my family. It's an awful way to live.

Frogge I hope for your sake you will tell him soon. You shouldn't carry this burden alone. I did it for years and it really isn't health. I was depressed and moody and it was mostly over debt. I felt like a big liar. Like I had to figure a way out all by myself. Well that's not true, I am married and he is here for better or worse and it's not my job to make his life easy. He was good when I told him, he did start to make a few remarks and I instantly told him, you were standing right there when we charged so don't blame this all on me. Matter of fact our last purchase and one reason we had to wait to file was his doing, he bought himself a flat screen tv for $800 and we had to hold filing because of it. So please think about talking to him. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel once you do. Good luck Frogge!

[justplaintired]

Ha Ha!!!! I was wondering the same thing but was too embarrassed to ask!!!
I thought it stood for "domestic husband/wife"

When I first came here I figured out it meant husband but maybe because at the time DH and I weren't getting along I thought it meant "dumb husband", no offense intended to all you good "dear Husband" out there. Mine falls in the a latter now.

[Frogge]

Frogge I hope for your sake you will tell him soon. You shouldn't carry this burden alone. I did it for years and it really isn't health. I was depressed and moody and it was mostly over debt. I felt like a big liar. Like I had to figure a way out all by myself. Well that's not true, I am married and he is here for better or worse and it's not my job to make his life easy. He was good when I told him, he did start to make a few remarks and I instantly told him, you were standing right there when we charged so don't blame this all on me. Matter of fact our last purchase and one reason we had to wait to file was his doing, he bought himself a flat screen tv for $800 and we had to hold filing because of it. So please think about talking to him. You'll be surprised how much better you'll feel once you do. Good luck Frogge!

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I know if we get time alone soon I'm just gonna say it.. or leave the matrix on the table with the totals on Friday and leave for the weekend... one of the two.

I have actually caught myself staring at him with the words on the tip of my tounge -- and he'll look at me like "What are you looking at!?" and I want to just blurt out ---- "WE OWE A WHOLE BUNCH MORE MONEY THAN YOU KNOW ABOUT!!" ...lol

Believe me, you will see an urgent post on here if that happens.. or you may never hear from me again... (no, I'm totally kidding.. LOL)

[liz417]

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I know if we get time alone soon I'm just gonna say it.. or leave the matrix on the table with the totals on Friday and leave for the weekend... one of the two.

I have actually caught myself staring at him with the words on the tip of my tounge -- and he'll look at me like "What are you looking at!?" and I want to just blurt out ---- "WE OWE A WHOLE BUNCH MORE MONEY THAN YOU KNOW ABOUT!!" ...lol

Believe me, you will see an urgent post on here if that happens.. or you may never hear from me again... (no, I'm totally kidding.. LOL)

I didn't tell my hubby until the last minute. We were planning on moving closer to his work (didn't because the housing market took a dump) and he was making plans with "all this money from the house"....Yikes!!!! It went something like this...."honey, we need to talk"....that was the LONGEST FREAKIN WEEKEND!!!!
Good Luck!

[justplaintired]

Thanks so much for the encouragement. I know if we get time alone soon I'm just gonna say it.. or leave the matrix on the table with the totals on Friday and leave for the weekend... one of the two.

I have actually caught myself staring at him with the words on the tip of my tounge -- and he'll look at me like "What are you looking at!?" and I want to just blurt out ---- "WE OWE A WHOLE BUNCH MORE MONEY THAN YOU KNOW ABOUT!!" ...lol

Believe me, you will see an urgent post on here if that happens.. or you may never hear from me again... (no, I'm totally kidding.. LOL)

I love this! I actually almost posted leaving the bills laying out and then taking off, but that seems sorta like running, so I didn't. A nice relaxing weekend away might be just what you need. So if it's easier do it. I thought of that too, but the increase in interest rate made my life easier. I had to tell him then cause we couldn't pay the bill anymore.

I love you guy's post about being afraid to tell them, I can so relate to that. I lived in fear of him finding out and what he'd do. He surprised me, he didn't do anything. He just accepted we needed to file. I was so totally amazed! You just might be too Frogge, I bet he is more aware then you might realize.

LMAO, I think leading into it with "WE OWE..." is way to funny! I love your sense of humor on this! Just keep it, and don't chicken out, get it over with, you'll sleep better and once it's out there, it's no longer just your problem it's his too!

[Cali]

I find it interesting in how many have stated their spouses didn't know.

I do all the finances in our house, but I also tell my hubby what is going on. I even tell him when he is deployed.

[AngelinaCatHub]

I find it interesting in how many have stated their spouses didn't know.

I do all the finances in our house, but I also tell my hubby what is going on. I even tell him when he is deployed.

[mgmadara]

I find it interesting in how many have stated their spouses didn't know.

I do all the finances in our house, but I also tell my hubby what is going on. I even tell him when he is deployed.

I find it interesting, too. I also do all the finances in our house and tell him everything that is going on. We're a team!! Maybe that's why we never had the marital issues when we went through our bankruptcy that so many couples seem to have.

[abp559]

This is a part that truly confuses me. Everyone says to stop using the cards period, but how can you survive for 3, 6, 9 months waiting to file when it isn't possible to do so if payments are being made in the meantime.

That's the point, you don't do it while make the payments. If you could, you wouldn't be here ;)