Are we allowed to just vent?

[demismom]

I belong to a totally unrelated forum, been with these women (we all had to go through fertility to get pg) for 5 years! I consider them very good friends and they feel the same. Some of us have gotten to meet in real life. We share our ups and downs like we would with a best friend.

Anyway, they know we filed BK. Some haven't said anything, I'm assuming because the don't agree with the decision. That's fine, I have no problem with that, they're entitled to their opinion. But one, last night, basically said said she would do the "right" thing and use every penny to pay the creditors.

I told her I was sorry she felt that way and if she new EVERY detail, she wouldn't be so judgemental. She then said "don't be sorry, I'm not " Smiley face and all.

It made me sad and angry. Why do people have to be so judgemental?????

Anyway, thanx for letting me vent, if it's allowed. I don't see too many personal posts on here and maybe it's because they aren't allowed or what, but I just HAD to get that out there, you're obviously the only ones that would understand.

[chpxiii]

People will always judge. Always. It's part of human nature. No one can truly know what someone else is going through. Sometimes not even the person themselves.

I like to keep this Eleanor Roosevelt quote in mind when someone tries to judge me:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

However, in looking for that quote, I found this other quote by her that I think is quite appropo:

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't. "
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

[sofarindebt]

I wouldn't worry about it

I think back to a few years ago, and I felt the same way, bankruptcy was for losers and sinking businesses. Most people don't know anything about bankruptcy. I thought you had horrible credit for 10 years, couldn't get a car, credit card or house for 10 years after you file bankruptcy. Most people will judge if they know nothing about it. And you never know, someday this "friend" might find her and her husband might find themselves jobless, and the medical bills pile up, and find themselves facing bankruptcy themselves.

[sickandtired8]

I think back to a few years ago, and I felt the same way, bankruptcy was for losers and sinking businesses. Most people don't know anything about bankruptcy. I thought you had horrible credit for 10 years, couldn't get a car, credit card or house for 10 years after you file bankruptcy. Most people will judge if they know nothing about it. And you never know, someday this "friend" might find her and her husband might find themselves jobless, and the medical bills pile up, and find themselves facing bankruptcy themselves.

I would count on it! (the part about the "friend" finding herself in such a mess)....things have a way of coming back to bite you. S&T

[lrprn]

It made me sad and angry. Why do people have to be so judgemental?????

It's easy to be judgmental when your online friend doesn't understand the reality of what brings us here, how hard most of us fought a losing battle for years NOT to be here, and can't see how court decisions and laws have tilted the financial tables in our creditors' favor over the last 10 years. Your online friend will likely never understand the reality of our world unless something happens in her life to open her eyes. You know you did the right thing given your circumstances, so although it's hard to accept that your friend doesn't agree with what you did, move on and accept that she will not be a support through this journey.

Anyway, thanx for letting me vent, if it's allowed. I don't see too many personal posts on here and maybe it's because they aren't allowed or what, but I just HAD to get that out there, you're obviously the only ones that would understand.

It's fine to share personal posts like this on the forum - the emotions of bankruptcy are every bit as important as the "just the facts" knowledge-sharing.

I'm glad that you wanted to tell us about this tough spot with your friend - if we can't support each other here when friends and family disappoint us in such a hurtful way, as you said, where can we get that support? Post about personal highs and lows here anytime it's helpful to share - we're here for each other.

Hopefully you'll see this for what it is - an agreement between friends to agree to disagree - and maintain your friendship in the other areas of your lives where there obviously is a long-standing harmony. Our bankruptcies are not the whole of who we are (although leading up to it through our discharge and closing, it is all-consuming! )

[demismom]

Thanx everyone. After I posted this she and I and a few of the others started chatting. It seems you're right, they don't know anything about bk and so made judgements based on what they did know, which was very little. They started asking questions (like why don't you just pay some and not others), it's called preferential payments and I explained it to them.

They're a bit more understanding, but still don't agree with bankruptcy as a whole. Quite frankly, I don't either, but hey, it's here and I'm going to use it as a way to start my life over!

[Minnymouth]

It has ALWAYS been against my way of raising, thinking, principle, etc to file bankruptcy..........YET, even I ended up having to file to find relief....... I had always been taught - pay your bills - do the right thing........

Yet even doing the "right thing" - helped put me in bankrutpcy........ and finally after 4 years of 2 jobs and struggling and then health probelms came into the picture - only then did I realize I had no choice......

I feel like "filing bankrutpcy" is a better way - then blowing my head off over debts!!! And that is what some people do to solve the problem - HOW SAD!!

Hopefully, I will NEVER be in this position again.... not if its in my control.....

But, I'm glad the option was there in the end for me to use....... Things happen in our lives that are out of our control.....

Most people who file bankruptcy are not "dead beats" - trying to avoid paying their bills. They are respectable people who run into "hard times" that sink the ship so to speak..... And sometimes you can't tread water very long!! Accidents, medical bills, job losses, etc..... Many things happen in you lives that control our finances.....

Filing bankruptcy is not a sin - its a RIGHT! Those who are judgemental - have never walked in our shoes, or they are and just won't admit they need to file. They will continue to struggle - do or die!! And many will loose everything they own - when its not necessary that they do.......

Financial problems destroy lives, families, marriages...... and its not necessary to let that happen when filing bankruptcy can avoid all of that.

Filing bankrutpcy gives you a fresh start in life, that ability to start over, not make the same mistakes again, and get your financial life in order.......

Thank God our forefathers knew that someday each one of us might need "a little help" in our lives.

Don't ever feel "guilty" for filing - feel relieved that the opportunity is there!!

Minny