"Twas the Night Before Discharge"
'Twas The Night Before Discharge, when all through my house
Not a wink was I sleeping, nor was my spouse
My file folder was thrown on the floor in despair
In hopes that Form B18 soon would be there;
Tossing and turning awake in our beds
While visions of objections danced in our heads;
And mamma with her merlot, and I with my schnapps,
Had tried to get drunk for our brief evening nap,
When at the front door there arose such a clatter,
I staggered from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the door I flew like a flash,
but of course by this time I was already smashed.
The moon on the lawn where the weeds have grown
Because of my unpaid landscape loan
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a mercedes benz, with a spoiler on the rear,
With a smug little driver, so pompous and thick
It must be the trustee, that arrogant **** !
More rapid than liens his panel they came,
And he screamed, and shouted, and called me names
"You, Deadbeat! You Bum! You creditor affliction!
Come pay the bill for re-doing your kitchen!
& the bill for the porch! & the bill for the wall!
Now pay for 'em! Now pay for 'em! Now pay for 'em all!
As dry heaves that after the 341 hearing fly,
When they meet with gasps, moans and sighs
So into my house the trustee he flew,
With a brief case of documents, and his paralegal too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard his spoof
about my petition and schedules and goofs
With my head in my hand, and my stomach turning 'round,
He proceeded to lecture, accuse and hound
He was dressed in Armani from his head to his foot,
And he asked about assets & where they were put
bundles of cash, yes he had several stacks
& He asked for the refund from my income tax
His eyes how beady! his smile how scarey!
His questions intrusive, his demeanor was warey
I hoped and prayed he would not take our home
but go back to his office and leave us alone
but he simply continued to issue us grief
about amendments, pleadings and stays of relief
He spoke about claims and sickened my belly
we told him we were living on peanut butter and jelly
He was a cocky chump, and flaunted his wealth
when I only had a few dollars myself
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had much to dread;
He spoke too many words, and seemed to love his work,
that filled me with anger; what an arrogant jerk,
with fifties and hundreds falling out of his nose,
he gave a smirk, then my temper rose;
He sprang to his Benz, and to my wife gave a whistle,
told me to be grateful that there was no dismissal
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Discharge to all, and to all a good-night."
Not a wink was I sleeping, nor was my spouse
My file folder was thrown on the floor in despair
In hopes that Form B18 soon would be there;
Tossing and turning awake in our beds
While visions of objections danced in our heads;
And mamma with her merlot, and I with my schnapps,
Had tried to get drunk for our brief evening nap,
When at the front door there arose such a clatter,
I staggered from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the door I flew like a flash,
but of course by this time I was already smashed.
The moon on the lawn where the weeds have grown
Because of my unpaid landscape loan
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But a mercedes benz, with a spoiler on the rear,
With a smug little driver, so pompous and thick
It must be the trustee, that arrogant **** !
More rapid than liens his panel they came,
And he screamed, and shouted, and called me names
"You, Deadbeat! You Bum! You creditor affliction!
Come pay the bill for re-doing your kitchen!
& the bill for the porch! & the bill for the wall!
Now pay for 'em! Now pay for 'em! Now pay for 'em all!
As dry heaves that after the 341 hearing fly,
When they meet with gasps, moans and sighs
So into my house the trustee he flew,
With a brief case of documents, and his paralegal too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard his spoof
about my petition and schedules and goofs
With my head in my hand, and my stomach turning 'round,
He proceeded to lecture, accuse and hound
He was dressed in Armani from his head to his foot,
And he asked about assets & where they were put
bundles of cash, yes he had several stacks
& He asked for the refund from my income tax
His eyes how beady! his smile how scarey!
His questions intrusive, his demeanor was warey
I hoped and prayed he would not take our home
but go back to his office and leave us alone
but he simply continued to issue us grief
about amendments, pleadings and stays of relief
He spoke about claims and sickened my belly
we told him we were living on peanut butter and jelly
He was a cocky chump, and flaunted his wealth
when I only had a few dollars myself
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had much to dread;
He spoke too many words, and seemed to love his work,
that filled me with anger; what an arrogant jerk,
with fifties and hundreds falling out of his nose,
he gave a smirk, then my temper rose;
He sprang to his Benz, and to my wife gave a whistle,
told me to be grateful that there was no dismissal
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Discharge to all, and to all a good-night."
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