Tired of New Age, Suze Orman-esque interpretation of financial hardship

[mothersvox]

Are any of you getting tired of people making mystical/metaphysical/moral-Suze-Orman-esque interpretations of your financial situation?

I have a couple of people in my life who know about the financial hardships my family has been going through since 9/11 and occasionally some of them make remarks like--"Wow, I don't know M., but you've been having a hard time for such a long time. I wonder what it all MEANS"--as though they imagine that there is some grand karmic scheme at work.

The other night another one of these new-agey folks said, "It's great that you're filing because now everything in your life is going to turn around . . . All sorts of opportunities will come your way because you'll be open and receptive to them." This remark was made when I expressed concern that a headhunter who is interviewing me for a new position may access the Pacer record of our recent BK filing and eliminate me from consideration, so to say that the comment was ridiculous was about the nicest thing I could say about it.

All that sort of talk makes me want to puke. Two airplanes crashed into our neighborhood. We lost our businesses. We have a child with a disability. We kept the businesses going and our daughter in her necessary therapies using our available personal credit. Metaphysical interpretations of it all are rather insulting . . . They might as well say "You musta dun somethin' awful bad to deserve this."

I know some people will say I should cut these folks out of my life, but unfortunately one is a colleague from a work situation (and is now the source of consulting work for me) and the other is a family member with whom I need to communicate about the care of elderly parents. So I can't cut them out, though I may just never discuss any financial matters with either of them.

Have any of you had people making really stupid comments like these?

[edwards2]

I do. Unfortunately people still stereotype you as being a rotten person for screwing over your creditors not to mention you are a bad business manager, etc. You know what - it is none of their business. They don't know all the personal hardships you are going through and frankly, if they are true friends they will support you and do what they can to help you get through a very difficult time. We are people who have no other options and we dont have to justify our actions to anyone. You have a family and a child - that is your priority. The catty remarks should be viewed as just that. I know it hurts - it has happened to me as well but I am so focused on trying to get through this very trying time I dont listen to them - and you shouldnt either. We didnt have airplanes fly into our business but my husband had a self-inflicted medical catastrophie 3 years ago. For months he was in the trauma center and we didnt know if he would make it. We have a son together - at that time he was 11. Can you just imagine a young boy dealing with losing his father that way? It was horrific and still is. He still managed to make the honor roll at school and still does. He is quite a young man. Anyway we were inundated with medical bills right and left. Since it was self inflicted the health insurance company he had that day would not pay a dime...there was also no disability. I wasnt working but immediately went back to work, We wiped out every dime we had in investments - wasnt a lot but still - and I had to scramble to find ways to pay our house note, etc. His job fired him and he didnt work for 6 months. 4 months after that they cut my pay and hours at work. I dont want to bore you with all of our prelims leading up to the BK filing because you have your own but it just proves it isnt about luxury items or living high on the hog - it is survival. You will make it - good luck...

[ODDBALL]

I can definitely understand what you are saying. With my BK 7, I've told no one for fear of being judged. Before I filed, I mentioned it to one close relative that I was thinking about filing, and I basically received a 'Suze Orman' response. I was told to think about it and find some other resolution. I don't think she really 'got' it. After a medical emergency with one of my children consumed me, I had no other choice. I didn't have any credit cards, as that had been ruined some years back. I was just waiting for things to get better, but it was only getting worse. No one knows my situation (not even my children). The way I figure it, it just makes it easier on me. I don't think I could handle too may responses from people who just don't understand what I've been going through for years financially. I want to be able to purchase a house, buy a new car (mine's starting to fall apart). I can't get credit and don't know if I want it for a while. I'd just like to have a fresh start so I can better provide for my children. Well, good luck to you!!!

[tinroofrusted]

Can I be honest here?

I have watched some people go into financial hardships because they were too proud. Men that don't want to take a customer service job paying $10.00 an hour, because two years later they are still hoping for their big break. Women who just up and quit their jobs because of fake sexual harassment, and then can't get a job elsewhere because they lied.

I'm sorry, but I was raised in a mindset that if you don't work, you don't eat. McDonald's would even look great if I needed a job that badly.

On the other hand, when I filed bankruptcy, my identical twin sister and her husband took it upon themselves to tell me how worthless, irresponsible, and heinous I was, and that my ex-husband was a saint beyond belief. Interestingly enough, my brother in law has lost his job, they are fixing to lose their home, and suddenly they are having to eat a large slice of humble pie.

What goes around comes around!

[HHM]

It really depends, I do think some people deserve "moral scorn" but others don't. I think its bad that our society has turned into the "blameless" society. As for the new age/metephysical stuff, I agree, (but I hardly think Suze Orme falls into that category). I don't think Suze would give you moral scorn over your situation.

I certainly don't think anyone should be scorned for filing BK, (unless they are really committing fraud), but I think a little judgment is worthwhile if the person who files BK doesn't take advantage of the opportunity. (granted, sometimes financial hardships are beyond your control, i.e. a plane crashing into your business).