So scared right now

[HereInOhio]

I'm literally crying as I write this. I never thought things would come down to this.

But my husband and I are considering filing. Right now, I have no idea which is better, C7 or C13. He's looking into it as well, but I thought I'd come on here and try and find some more information from those who are or have gone through it.

But I guess one question that I have right now is, can they take your 401k?

Back to searching the forum. I will be lurking tons....maybe posting every once in a while. But you have no idea how grateful I am for finding this site.

[chloe0724]

HIO,

I know that you are overwhelemed right now. It does get easier. You've made the biggest decision by acknowleding your situation. My suggestion is to talk to several bankruptcy attorney's and find the one that fits you best.

As far as the 401k, no. Your retierment assests are exempt.

Good Luck!!

[momof5]

I think the hardest decision to make is to file or not to file but once the decision is made you will feel such a sense of relief. Your focus will be different.

Our 401k is not going to be touched. I believe that is true for every state.

Good luck to you... this place is the best.

[HereInOhio]

Thanks, guys. Really....it means a lot.

Who makes the decision on which is better to file (7 or 13). Does a lawyer do that? We did the means test last night and passed (I guess that's what you say! lol).

This is just all so overwhelming. My head is spinning from all of this. It's really an emotional roller coaster, isn't it?

Tonight I think it will just be 'movie night' with hubby. I'll show him this forum and we'll go from there. I really think we'll be able to find a lot of helpful information on here. It's like there is so much to look at and you're not sure what you can believe. He thought they would go after our 401k and now you guys are saying no. He didn't read that anywhere, but he just assumed.

Thanks again, everyone.

[chloe0724]

The means test is what determins if you are 7 or 13. I'd really advise you to talk with an attorney. The consulations are free.

[petej]

You'll feel much better after talking with a good attorney. The more knowledge you gain is in direct proportion to the reduction of stress.

Read this forum, find a good attorney, ask a lot of questions, and know that you guys are not alone..hang in there..

[JRScott]

Your 401k is safe they can't take that.

As for which is better you need to take the means test to figure that out, but its good to consult with 3-4 bk attorneys in your area. Most give a free initial consultation.

[One Half Full]

Most of us are totally FREAKED! when we finally come to the point that we contact this board. KNOWLEDGE has made me able to understand that although it is a serious thing to go BK, it will be of more help than hurt to you. I feel so sane, not like the crazies I felt when I did not know that BK is less a problem than I thought. It's a legal option. You are allowed to pursue it.

[HereInOhio]

DH just keeps saying that it's like admitting failure. He's so upset with himself for letting it get this far (as am I).

But we really feel it's the best option for us especially since we want to start a family but won't be able to with this debt that we have.

He has a friend that filed C7 about six years ago (but didn't pay attention and is in trouble again) so he's been talking with him a lot. We have a strong support in friends but I know I could NEVER tell my family.

I've always been the 'responsible' daughter, even though I am the youngest. But in my parent's eyes (especially my father's), I could do no wrong. I always made the best decisions. It's hard to live up to! So it will be a little hard on me going though this without their knowledge, but at least we have friends we can talk with (and I can come on here with you guys!). My sibblings always came to them with their money issues and looking for 'loans' (which never are paid back.....). I won't do that. We got ourselves into this mess, and we will be responsible adults and get ourselves out.

[JRScott]

Well BK is the first step , we all have to adjust our lifestyles afterwards.

The key is learning to live without debt, to live on a cash and carry basis I think. I would suggest perhaps reading Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace book. There are others as well.

Some common themes:

1. Make a budget.
2. Stick to the budget.
3. Make sure to budget for everything. (Including taxes, haircuts etc, things we sometimes forget).
4. Make sure to budget some savings.
5. Work up an Emergency Fund. (Typically a small goal initially of 1000 dollars then set the goal to work it up to 3-6 months worth of expenses).

[epiphany]

DH just keeps saying that it's like admitting failure. He's so upset with himself for letting it get this far (as am I).

But we really feel it's the best option for us especially since we want to start a family but won't be able to with this debt that we have.

He has a friend that filed C7 about six years ago (but didn't pay attention and is in trouble again) so he's been talking with him a lot. We have a strong support in friends but I know I could NEVER tell my family.

I've always been the 'responsible' daughter, even though I am the youngest. But in my parent's eyes (especially my father's), I could do no wrong. I always made the best decisions. It's hard to live up to! So it will be a little hard on me going though this without their knowledge, but at least we have friends we can talk with (and I can come on here with you guys!). My sibblings always came to them with their money issues and looking for 'loans' (which never are paid back.....). I won't do that. We got ourselves into this mess, and we will be responsible adults and get ourselves out.

Hiyo, you are so not alone.

I have told no one and also have reasons not to tell certain family members. I am finally at the point where I think I could discuss it with certain people in my life if I had to. But I don't have to right now so I won't. I maybe never will.

To file or not to file.... really that is the hardest part... once you decide to file, it does get easier but is by no means a cake walk.

I think it's MinnyMouth that called this just a business decision and no truer words have ever been spoken. Your DH will get over the feeling of failure once he starts to treat the entire process as just that. Your financial well being is your priority, no matter what anyone else may say or think.

Of course, you should consult with a few attorneys to discuss your situation. No one here can fully advise you regarding your entire situation but they can provide plenty of help and opinions when you have questions.


Welcome to the forum and good luck.

ep

[Phillymanhere]

Hey Ohio,

I feel for you guys. I feel for hubby. I feel for the "perfect" you (in your dad's eyes).

There is definitely a major psychological step involved in filing for bk.

After I decided I needed to file, I too was feeling like a failure, feeling like this is ground zero or something of my life. A major admission of failure, blah, blah ...

Then I read a great perspective here from one of the contributors who said filing for bk was a "business decision." Don't get all personal about it, he said.

I tossed that around in my head and wow, it worked. This is, right now as smart a financial move for me as a lucrative investment is for someone else. It will dramatically improve my financial condition and it will emotionally free up tons of energy.

I too have had a piece of my identity tied up in being "better with money" or more "responsible" than my siblings were. I have come to see this as foolish and unrealistic thinking.

Humans make mistakes. We are all human. Therefore we ALL will make mistakes and some of them will be financial. Favorite kids, "the organized" kids, the "golden" kids are gonna make huge mistakes too. It's a trap and illusion to think that we won't--that's all it is.

Strangely enough, disconnecting my worth as a human from my financial situation makes me feel so much better--and paradoxically (or maybe not), I am right now more confident that I will be able to reach a much better financial position! ...

See if you and DH (I know you can't control him) can start visualizing what a good life would be like once you get past bk. I'm not filing until July and I've already made some big positive shifts in handling my finances. I'm monitoring spending, saving a lot. And I'm also learning to appreciate all that I do have.

Good luck. We love you guys. Keep hanging out here. It's great therapy.

[bigalsbeans]

You can relax about the 401k, you will get to keep it. In a Ch13 you may even still be able to contribute to it. As far as being scared, I think we all have been through that. I myself debated about it for over a year (I would not advise anyone else to wait that long) and then I finally did it. Still have a long ways to go (3 payments down and 57 to go), but at least I know the sky is not falling anymore, so to speak.

I agree with the others, get a lawyer, I could not imagine doing this on your own.

[Gerry]

Therefore we ALL will make mistakes and some of them will be financial.

This gave me new perspective. Yes, I suck at managing money. But my kids have stayed out of trouble and are college educated, as opposed to cousins who rotate through jail sentences. I chose exactly the right partner for the rest of my life, not a man who is abusive or selfish or controlling, as opposed to my mom who spent way too many years with a man who was all of those things. And although I'm sure my creditors believe differently, I am neither a liar nor a grifter, as opposed to too many friends and family who think getting away with something is a badge of honor.

I see my financial savvy shortcomings, and I'm taking steps to correct them. Permanently.

I'm too new to this forum to make this judgment yet, but I suspect the filers who feel bad about doing so are the ones who are doing exactly the right thing.

[$$only4ever]

Before we filed, I never was late on any of my bills; never even paid a late fee. We felt exactly the way that you feel right now, but you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on. Trust everyone when they tell you it is nothing more than a business decision. Good luck