I just can't stop thinking.....

[Brookamy]

...about anything else. I feel like I have some dark secret or black cloud hanging over my head. Whenever I'm around other people, I can't help wonder what there financial situation is. What people would think if they knew what mine is. Not many, basically just my husband, know how bad things are. I've shared more of my information here than anywhere else.

It's hard to feel good about yourself in this situation I guess.

[oldrocker]

It's hard to feel good about yourself in this situation I guess.

If you let it, it will eventually pass. For a lot of us I think at first it's normal to feel pretty down about the situation and about ourselve's. Try to focus on the fact that what you're doing you had to do and that you are doing it to improve things. Things will return to normal after a while (albeit a new normal) and it will be time to go about living and enjoying your life again. Be patient and don't let it get you so down you can't get back up, all this will pass.

[Cali]

The BK was the easy part for me, losing my high paying job was harder.

[Phillymanhere]

Brookamy,

I'm sorry to her that you're feeling haunted by the shame or embarrassment of bankruptcy. As someone who for a long time obsessed about what other people thought of me, I can totally relate. There are a lot of great people on this forum who have worked through these issues. I encourage you to draw strength from them if you can.

The truth of the matter is that your friends have their own financial problems and debt problems, and relationship problems and marriage problems and affair problems and bedroom problems and sleep problems, and kid problems, and job problems and addiction problems and in-law problems and on and on.

Your brain is playing a cruel game on you. The name of the game is to shame Brookamy. It's a game where we pretend that everyone else has a perfect life. It's only we who are flawed. The rest of the world ... their lives are wonderful. This is not the truth. It's just your brain reacting unhelpfully to stress and fear. This is what I remind myself when I feel as you do.

Humans make mistakes. Some of those mistakes will be financial. Yes, this is America where we all want to be rich and famous and glamorous and handsome, but the reality of it is that humans make mistakes, ALL HUMANS make mistakes. If your friends don't DON'T SEEM to have financial problems now, that doesn't mean they do not have them. It doesn't mean they haven't had them, and it doesn't mean they won't have them in the future. It only means that you're not having revealing conversations with them about their finances!

If you knew about all their problems, you wouldn't reject them or lose respect for them. You might feel sad for them. Yes, you might get a laugh or two in private, but you wouldn't cease loving the people you now love. Same with them. If they knew you were facing bk, they wouldn't love you any less than they did now. And if they did, they ain't worth having as friends.

Good luck.

[Brookamy]

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it.

I just can't believe that I got myself into this situation.

[lrprn]

For old rocker....fyi...the link to the YouTube video you have in your sig - the owner has removed it. Nothing to link to any longer.

[Flamingo]

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it.

I just can't believe that I got myself into this situation.

Your feelings are totally normal but if you continue to feel down and out, just see your family doctor and advise him you are having bad financial issues which are totally overwhelming you and since bankruptcy (like divorce) is a life changing event, it can cause severe anxiety and stress and overwhelm everything you do. Not everyone can handle stress and anxiety the same way. Financial problems can affect everything you do, including your job and relationships with friends and family.

None of us ever think we would be in a position that we would have to consider filing bankruptcy. Most if it is just our plain denial of the events that led up to it but there are many who get there where circumstances were just out of their control (i.e., major medical situation, job loss with high debt and no way to pay bills, etc.). Debt causes bankruptcy; you will get through all this and will learn a lot from it and you will never view credit the same again.

[epiphany]

Brookamy, believe it or not it does get easier with the passage of time.

The realization, the, um, "epiphany" if you will is the hardest part. I had my epiphany shortly before Xmas last year and just got the paperwork into the lawyer this week.

It's been hard but the last few years dealing with how to scrounge up the money to pay the creditors and pay the rent and everything else was definitely harder. I borrowed and borrowed and borrowed until the well went dry.

I wish I had realized much sooner that there was no other way out. Once I did, things started to get easier.

You'll get through this and will feel better with each passing day. The more you learn, the better you'll feel. I am so glad that you found this forum and that you are using it to your advantage. I can't imagine getting through my own BK struggle without it.


ep

[JRScott]

Brookamy you'd probably be surprised, the likelihood of someone else on your street that has been bankrupt or is very close to it is actually pretty high. Bankruptcy does not have the same stigma it did in the 1970s or even the 1980s.

This is the hardest part deciding to file, collecting the information and getting a lawyer hired. Once you get all that done it generally becomes fairly easy, just make sure it is a lawyer you trust, don't necessarily hire the first one you see.

It'll get better , we've all been in this stressful time.

[Patch]

i am also stressed just thinking about it...
my husband also,but he always comes up with farfetched scenarios that won't ever happen....but if ,but if....he is in fear of losing his job because of a BK.i try to reassure him,but to no avail...but i know we are going into the right direction.
i am afraid of losing our home,because alabama only allow $5000 for homestead exemption,but i don't think we have much equity into it.he is afraid of losing our vehicles,but we owe a lot more than what they are worth...he wants to file right away.i want to wait to be able to save some money to retain a lawyer.i want at least 60 days pass after we use our last credit card(it was to put gas...)

but we feel more at peace ,i don't know how to explain,we are less tense together.
and i finally was able to buy fresh fruits this week,first time is many months....
not paying some of the bill was the right step...

[Stilltheone]

I completely understand your worries. When we first filed, I worried to, but I have long since gotten over that.

When I go out, I realize that nobody knows...it's my little secret.

Growing up, I had a neighbor that was a friend of my mom's...I remember that they filed bankruptcy and, after they filed, they always had new cars, boxes for big screen tvs/new appliances were always sitting out by their garbage. This infuriated my mom...everytime she wanted something, she'd always say "Maybe I'll just declare bankruptcy like John and Jane Doe and then I can afford it".

Funny, because when I filed, I still remembered her saying that about my neighbors....I was afraid that she would have the same attitude towards me...that now I would be able to "afford everything".

At the end of the day, I didn't care WHAT she thought of me. I knew what I was doing was right for my family...and that's all that matters.

FYI, my old neighbors moved a few blocks away into a fancy house...it's gorgeous!!! I looked them up on Pacer, just out of curiousity, and they did file in 2001..LOL What can I say? I'm nosy!

[Lajazz947]

I just found out, a total surprise, through a totally separate source, unsolicited (it just came out) that one of my three business partners filed a personal BK a few years back before I met him.

This guy is honest, smart, hardworking and now very successful.

Owns lots of RE and has a nice car, nice house. I trust him implicitly on all our dealings.

I would have never DREAMED that he had problems a while back.

Just goes to show that everyone has their issues. He will probably be surprised when I tell him my situation.

Don't feel bad. I have probably felt bad enough for everyone on this board.

[Flamingo]

Everyone out there has debt; some are able to control it, others cannot. Simple as that. Many McMansions in our area are now up for sale, and have been up for sale for quite a while, due to foreclosures. Also bankruptcies are way up in our state, along with foreclosures and it is the same in all states. A lot of folks just have no choice but to file. The key is to learn from that and not allow yourself to get in that position again if you can possibly help it. I certainly do not want to ever go through that again because while the stigma may not be that bad, you still suffer in many ways afterwards with that BK on your credit reports and it can haunt many for quite a while. Many luck out and don't have that many issues after filing either Chapter; there are also many who have extreme difficulty getting credit afterwards and just cannot understand why. That is part of the learning process.

I worked in a smaller office when my hubby lost his job and everyone knew everyone very well. It was common knowledge when my hubby lost his job by those in my office because I had to take off a lot of time to handle many errands that came up when he was not working and I had to explain to someone who questioned me. Lying would have just put me in a bad spot. As the months wore on, my HR Manager came to me and asked me how things were going and had my hubby found another job yet. I told her no that he just cannot find anything in his field and he's tried all over the US also; that he would probably have to change careers and was at that time working as a clerk in a convenience store so we could get by somehow. She, herself, asked me if I investigated filing Chapter 13. I was floored. She had filed 3 years prior (she stated due to her own craziness with credit cards) and said it was the best thing she ever did and explained what occurred and what she had to do. It turned out that she had the same attorney we obtained and she was totally right. So there are many people around you that have filed BK or are just in bad financial shambles trying to find a way out.

Society's habits will change from this recession but Americans are so prgrammed to always buy the new gadget out there or the next on the market computer or Threatre TV to have that one up on their neighbors. Those of us who have filed and know better now will just laugh when we see all the big boxes down at the trash curb for the big TV threatre, etc.

However, there are folks out there who continually file BK after BK. They just cannot handle finances or just don't care to and really need professional help with their shopping or gambling addictions or just do not know how to budget and save. They use BK as a budgeting/financial tool in their lives.

[Lajazz947]

Flamingo,

You are absolutely right. this recession is a credit recession (on top of housing).

America will need to find a way to stop mortgaging tomorrow for today's guilty pleasures.

I have not even filed and I feel better because we have no open credit and are all cash.

My wife, God bless her is so organized and balanced that I know we will make it.