I guess I need to "vent" a little and explain my situation to someone. I know we've all read countless stories re: hardship, but I just need to get mine off my chest and ask how best to support my wife. You don't have to read, but thanks for letting me post so I can get this off my chest and hopefully feel better.
Eight years ago, I owed almost nothing (maybe $1200 in cc debt and ny car was paid for) I fell in love and got re-married. My wife was in terrible financial shape since she was just recovering from cancer and had lost time at work and had high medical bills. She was unable to help with amy of the household expenses and our expenses went up. I bought a new car and the IRS changed my re-payment plan from $100 a month to $655.00 a month. My wife changed jobs and went to work as a medical receptionist. she wanted me to get a doctor and have a physical. I did and lo and behold, I failed the EKG, so I took a Stress Echo where they told me that I was prob. going to have to have by-pass surgery and BTW, you also have type II Diabetes. I went in for the Cardiac Cath. and when I came out the Dr. told us that there was bad news. I had previous heart attacks, my heart was damaged ,my BEST artery was 80% blocked, any surgery was too dangerous and I could anticipate a life expectancy of 8 - 10 years, but that they couldn't promise us tomorrow. Since our finances were entirely separate, I guess that I really dodn't care what I left behind in debts and began trying to spend myself out of depression. 2 years later, my wife had surgery for severe Carpal Tunnel and was off work for 6 months. Loss of income and I helped her out. 3 years ago I had a massive heart attack...said that they could do bypass now since they could do it "off-pump" I had 6 bypasses and a 7th artery cleaned out. Meanwhile my job as Pastor of what I thought was a close knot church came under fire. 3-4 families wanted me out. I lived through 3 years of intense stress due to this. A year and a half ago, my wife was diagnosed with Breast cancer. She went through chemo and radiation and her prognosis is now excellent. In Feb of this year, I was forced out of my job and since all of my Dr's agreed that the job was "killing me" I received disability income from our denomination. (About 1/2 of what I had been making) I fought for and received a termination package. (About 5 months worth of Salary)
We have good health insurance (thank God) but I am on 8 prescriptions, my wife is on 3 and it seems like we're always visiting the Dr. or specialist w. co-pays and often more scrips. They sold my cc's and my interest rates double or in one major case, went from 9.9% to 29.9%. I can't afford to keeep up. Perhaps I could have struggled on for maybe 3 - 4 more months but with the new law change decided to file now.
Thanks for letting me tell my story.
Now conceerning my wife, She now has cc's again and about $8000 of cc debt. She pays about 35% of our living expenses and has a job she loves. She doesn't have a great problem with my declaring BK, but the other day when I tokd her that it might be best for us to declare jointly since about $4500 of back tax debt (most of this was incurred our first year of marriage when she took a lump sum from her retirement to pay bills with and didn't realize that she would face a 10% penalty and that w/ my income would throw us into a much higher tax bracket), so I renogiated with the IRS and my payments went from $100 a month to $655.00.
Now when I mentioned filing jointly, she told me that she still loved me and we wouldn't divorce, her sister had declared BK at least twice and maybe 3 times, but that she'd almost rather have to hear that she had to go through Chemo again than file BK!
I have been a shattered man for the last 2 weeks, since she said this. I think she is beginning to come around because last weekend she said that maybe it would be for the best since if I died, she wouldn't have to worry about the IRS. She loves her job and feels she makes good money, but she only nets about $1400 every 4 weeks and literally lives so close paycheck to paycheck that one time she balanced it to $0.00 and they closed the account!
This wonderful woman has gone throough a lot and so have I. How can I help her? I've read and read about BK and thought about the possibility since I lost my job and applied for disability, but somehow whe felt that it wouldn't affect her. BTW, we live in a community where the newspaper reports BK and I think that is what scares her, since her family and friends read these notices. Personally, I don;t even know where in the paper to look to find them and don't care!
Today is the anniversary of the day we first met 9 years ago. We met the day of her last radiation treatment for her first bout with cancer. I am 57 and she is 53. This is a 2nd marriage for both. Its the shits to be starting over again, but with what life has dealt us and the way I've responded, I feel that a fresh start is the only thing for me and the best thing for her. Any ideas how I can lessen her fears and stress. (Mine is high enough for both of us!)?
Thanks for letting me get my story out and for any advice.
Eight years ago, I owed almost nothing (maybe $1200 in cc debt and ny car was paid for) I fell in love and got re-married. My wife was in terrible financial shape since she was just recovering from cancer and had lost time at work and had high medical bills. She was unable to help with amy of the household expenses and our expenses went up. I bought a new car and the IRS changed my re-payment plan from $100 a month to $655.00 a month. My wife changed jobs and went to work as a medical receptionist. she wanted me to get a doctor and have a physical. I did and lo and behold, I failed the EKG, so I took a Stress Echo where they told me that I was prob. going to have to have by-pass surgery and BTW, you also have type II Diabetes. I went in for the Cardiac Cath. and when I came out the Dr. told us that there was bad news. I had previous heart attacks, my heart was damaged ,my BEST artery was 80% blocked, any surgery was too dangerous and I could anticipate a life expectancy of 8 - 10 years, but that they couldn't promise us tomorrow. Since our finances were entirely separate, I guess that I really dodn't care what I left behind in debts and began trying to spend myself out of depression. 2 years later, my wife had surgery for severe Carpal Tunnel and was off work for 6 months. Loss of income and I helped her out. 3 years ago I had a massive heart attack...said that they could do bypass now since they could do it "off-pump" I had 6 bypasses and a 7th artery cleaned out. Meanwhile my job as Pastor of what I thought was a close knot church came under fire. 3-4 families wanted me out. I lived through 3 years of intense stress due to this. A year and a half ago, my wife was diagnosed with Breast cancer. She went through chemo and radiation and her prognosis is now excellent. In Feb of this year, I was forced out of my job and since all of my Dr's agreed that the job was "killing me" I received disability income from our denomination. (About 1/2 of what I had been making) I fought for and received a termination package. (About 5 months worth of Salary)
We have good health insurance (thank God) but I am on 8 prescriptions, my wife is on 3 and it seems like we're always visiting the Dr. or specialist w. co-pays and often more scrips. They sold my cc's and my interest rates double or in one major case, went from 9.9% to 29.9%. I can't afford to keeep up. Perhaps I could have struggled on for maybe 3 - 4 more months but with the new law change decided to file now.
Thanks for letting me tell my story.
Now conceerning my wife, She now has cc's again and about $8000 of cc debt. She pays about 35% of our living expenses and has a job she loves. She doesn't have a great problem with my declaring BK, but the other day when I tokd her that it might be best for us to declare jointly since about $4500 of back tax debt (most of this was incurred our first year of marriage when she took a lump sum from her retirement to pay bills with and didn't realize that she would face a 10% penalty and that w/ my income would throw us into a much higher tax bracket), so I renogiated with the IRS and my payments went from $100 a month to $655.00.
Now when I mentioned filing jointly, she told me that she still loved me and we wouldn't divorce, her sister had declared BK at least twice and maybe 3 times, but that she'd almost rather have to hear that she had to go through Chemo again than file BK!
I have been a shattered man for the last 2 weeks, since she said this. I think she is beginning to come around because last weekend she said that maybe it would be for the best since if I died, she wouldn't have to worry about the IRS. She loves her job and feels she makes good money, but she only nets about $1400 every 4 weeks and literally lives so close paycheck to paycheck that one time she balanced it to $0.00 and they closed the account!
This wonderful woman has gone throough a lot and so have I. How can I help her? I've read and read about BK and thought about the possibility since I lost my job and applied for disability, but somehow whe felt that it wouldn't affect her. BTW, we live in a community where the newspaper reports BK and I think that is what scares her, since her family and friends read these notices. Personally, I don;t even know where in the paper to look to find them and don't care!
Today is the anniversary of the day we first met 9 years ago. We met the day of her last radiation treatment for her first bout with cancer. I am 57 and she is 53. This is a 2nd marriage for both. Its the shits to be starting over again, but with what life has dealt us and the way I've responded, I feel that a fresh start is the only thing for me and the best thing for her. Any ideas how I can lessen her fears and stress. (Mine is high enough for both of us!)?
Thanks for letting me get my story out and for any advice.
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