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[Minnymouth]

OH HAVE I BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT!!!!! Did I feel like a deadbeat, OH YEAH.... I been paying bills for 40 years.........my generation... you pay your debts.....

I beat myself up for 3 years before I filed.... ruined my credit, ruined my health (stress) and turned into a person I didn't even like -- because of debt.

Most of us have..........................


REPEAT AFTER ME......................

I'm doing this for ME, MY FAMILY, AND MY
FUTURE............. Bankruptcy is MY RIGHT...... THE LAW GIVES ME THAT RIGHT............... CLAIMING BANKRUPTCY DOES NOT MAKE ME ANY LESSER PERSON THAT I WAS BEFORE..... I AM STILL ME............... I AM STILL THE SAME GOOD PERSON THAT I ALWAYS WAS.....

MY NEIGHBOR DOES NOT PAY MY BILLS.... NOR WALK IN MY SHOES........ (in fact he may be in worse shape than I am, I just don't know it).........

I AM TRYING TO SOLVE THIS PROBLEM AND THE LAW HAS ALLOWED ME A WAY TO DO IT.............

CREDITORS DON'T REALLY CARE - THEY WRITE IT OFF - AND WILL BE OFFERING ME CREDIT IN THE FUTURE AGAIN............

I CAN AND WILL SURVIVE BANKRUPTCY............ everyone on this forum has.................

TAKE A DEEP BREATH, RELAX, AND DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO............. IT'S PAINLESS, BUT EMBARRASSING, BUT YOU'LL LIVE................

Since I filed BK, several of my friends have followed in my footsteps instead of trying to beat their brains out trying to make ends meet and rob Peter to pay Paul each month....

I am better off, and they are too............

Things happen, life gets out of control, and there's nothing we can do except try to climb out of the situtation the best we can......

So hang in there, put that head up, and do what you have to do to change your situation and SAY - SO BE IT!!!!

WE ALL DID............

[Minnymouth]

We are not "deadbeats"..... we are responsible people who have encountered financial problems we can't solve because of illness, job loss, medical bills, etc.

We have always paid our bills and take pride in having excellent credit reports......

Yet things happen......that change our lives.

Now we are taking the responsibility of solving the situation by claiming bankruptcy as a last resort...... everything else has been tried... (cutting back, 2nd job, selling things, etc)

We are aware there is no other solution and its time to do what will fix the problem..........

Many others will follow us later down the road..... they do not criticize much because they too have many of the same problems - their just not doing anything about it and it keeps getting larger......

Do not be ashamed of claiming bankrupty..... do not be embarrassed...... it is your legal right to do so and you have used it as a last resort... so be proud of your decision...

My thoughts

[StaciMM]

Sinking-regarding the possibility of the buyers filing suit against you... If the house hasn't closed by the time you file BK, list them as a creditor.

[LostOne0069]

Thanks Minny... I agree with you in theory... but I can't seem to cut myself that slack... much because my problems aren't caused by medical bills or lost job... really mine are my own fault, pure and simple. Really, if it weren't for the fact that my family would suffer with me... I'd think that I should just live the rest of my life trying to pay all of it back as some kind of masochistic(sp?) punnishment or something.

[Minnymouth]

Quit beating yourself up........ All of us have debt that we created of our own free will also..... Most of had all the good intentions of paying it back - thought we could anyways - till it got out of hand with the large finance charges and interest rates and penalties... And especially when the credit card companies won't bend to work with you.... no matter you have been a customer for 20 or 25 years with excellent credit.....

So don't beat yourself up over it......

Look at it this way - I'M DOING THIS FOR MY FAMILY.... I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS AND THE CREDIT CARD COMPANIES FAIL TO WORK WITH ME....SOOOOOO I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY.....

I still feel bad about my debt. Guess I always will. It was used in good faith with all intent to repay till I got hit with funeral expenses, medical expenses, and late fees/penalties on cc. Calls to work things out didn't help..... 2nd job didn't help much..... then I got sicker from stress, etc.....

So, came the decision to file bankruptcy..... after 3 years of struggling.

After it was all over, I was amazed at the difference in my health, in how I thought and felt about bankruptcy and people who filed.

Filing bankruptcy did not make me a bad person, or irrisponsible person.

Filing bankruptcy served its purpose it was created for - to give me a "fresh start" in life. The law and the Court determines whether I deserve that fresh start or not! If I do - then it is granted.

The court will normally not take your home, vehicle, or posessions unless you own lots of unnecessary assets that you really can do without. This they call assets and are sold to help pay your creditors part of what they are owed.

Part of the American Dream is having it all............struggling to get it is the hard part........... hanging onto it is even harder....

When times get tough - you make the tough decisions.

Believe me, you'll never be sorry that you did. Just use your new beginning wisely and remember where you have been in the past....... its not a good feeling.
I felt a failure.... really bad.... I had always been able to pay my bills for 40 years.... Then things happened.

My bankruptcy is over basically, and I survived. I am much better off now than I was before BK... the stress, anxiety, and self-pity are now gone. I look forward to a new day, every day. And you will too......

So kick yourself in the seat of the pants and make sure it never happens again. Stay on a good budget, allow your fun money to a limit, and count your blessings that our society allows us to claim "bankruptcy" and start over again.....

I know I'm thankful!!!! And I'm an old woman.....

[Minnymouth]

Yes we have many here that claim BK because of their own doings. Gambling, complusive shopping, achohol, keeping up with the Jones, etc. These people thought they could bounce back also - and it didn't happen. So they had to file BK also......

That is no difference then me going under trying to pay expenses from an elderly parent. I said I'd would worry about it later...... and I did. Four years of home care caused me to file bankruptcy 3 years later..... not a thing I could do about it - was loosing everything.....

So no matter what the reason, sometimes it's the only way to solve the problem..... and you just DO IT.....

No sense beating yourself up over it - just be more careful in the future......

My intentions were good - but it didn't work and I had to file.............

So don't be so hard on yourself........ You like everyone had to make the hard decision to file.......... that was and is the hardest thing I have ever done in my lifetime......

So your not alone in that thought..........

[edwards2]

Minny is such a cheerleader for people who have filed BK. She really knows how to make you feel better about your decision. I can tell you with absolute certainty this forum was my lifeline when I filed. All the feelings and depression you are feeling is the MO for people filing BK. I am not in any way trying to diminish your feelings; it is just that we all have truly been there and done that. BK is not so stereotypical that everyone thinks of you as a deadbeat because they dont. Ours was due to a medical catastrophie but it doesnt make it any more right for me to file than you. I dare say the majority of people who file are not those who buy expensive cars, boats, vacations, etc. and then decide to file. They are people like you and me with real issues and basically at the point of no financial return. You have integrity and Bk will not change that about you. Of course there are consequences to your actions - we all knew that going in but believe me there isnt a single person who filed BK who didnt believe it was their very last resort. We had perfect credit too and yes it was humilating at first but realistically you have to look at the alternatives...we didnt have any and you may not either. I am just grateful there was a way out. BK is a very difficult decision and a very stressful one. Lean on the people in this forum - nowhere else will you find people - virtual strangers - who are more supportive than they are. Good luck...

[SinkingFast]

Sinking-regarding the possibility of the buyers filing suit against you... If the house hasn't closed by the time you file BK, list them as a creditor.

I hadn't thought of that, Staci. Thanks for the tip!

They probably wouldn't sue us, but you just never know these days.

We sold a house once where the first deal fell thru. It was the buyer's fault, not ours. It wasn't they couldn't get financing or anything like that. They just failed to follow thru on the contract. Seller get's to keep the earnest money deposit, right?? By all rights, when the buyer backs out on the purchase, the earnest money deposit belongs to the seller. Not us. They claimed by withholding the earnest money deposit, we had forced undue hardship on their finances and they sued us to get the earnest money back. Excuse me, but we lost potential sales opportunities during the time period our house was off the market because we thought they were gonna buy. What about our damages??

Once burned, twice shy. I could just see them coming up with some imagined damages not being able to buy our house had caused them.

[Minnymouth]

Thankyou Edwards2 for the kind words......

Cheerleader - I like that!!!!

After all I went thru in my bankruptcy - even more than most of you and my case STILL is not over..... I would hate for anyone to experience bankrupty thinking they were alone in their thoughts and feelings.

Bankruptcy is the most stressfull thing I ever did. Taking care of a bedridden parent for 4 years, hiring sitters, working etc.........was no ways compared to filing bankruptcy..........

When I filed bankruptcy I entered the world of the unknown........ what will happen.?.........have I destroyed myself completely?............Will I have anything left in my life?........ Will they take what I have spent 40 years working for? My entire life was in the contol of one Trustee!!!

The stress and anxiety were almost unbearable at times.... I couldn't sleep, eat, it was on my mind day and night....

The stress and anxiety made me physically ill requiring medical intervention.... Panic attacks started......

THE WHOLE BALLGAME OF BANKRUPTCY............ I took it extremely hard............. Emotionally, mentally, financially, and physically............

And now, if I can help ONE PERSON realize that bankruptcy is the right choice, help them with their questions, calm their fears and anxiety, and let them know other people have been down the same road already, and many are traveling right with them everywhere..... then I feel like maybe I have given something back to those that helped me........

SO Edwards2 - call me CHEERLEADER....... and you should see my pom poms............!!!!! lol

[HopeinHorizon]

I am so shocked at the ruthlessness of your lender...

The lender I work for will stop a foreclosure if a contract is on the table for purchase of the home. Amazing how different your company is... I would think with a contract they would want the full balance of the mortgage paid, if they foreclose they lose money... it is hard for them to make money on a foreclosure with a home without equity...

Stupid business practice indeed... It is one thing, if someone calls and says I think I have a buyer postpone the sale, but VERY different if someone calls with a contract written (contingent or not) we give 90 days in a pre-foreclosure hold type status. If not closed in that time, the hold expires and we proceed...

[edwards2]

You're welcome Minny...just wanted you to know how much the rest of us appreciate you...the pom poms are another story for another day...

On a more serious note you said you took care of your bedridden mother. I so admire you for that. My brother was my parents caregivers for years. My dad died before he was bedridden and my mom was almost there when she died. It is a very emotional and exhausting time for both. We have a large family but the brunt of the care rested squarely on my brother's shoulders because he was unmarried and lived with them and worked out of the home. He was a godsend for my parents as I am sure you were for your mother. The thought of having some stranger care for my parents would have been more than I could have borne. So we are blessed to have our parents and our parents are blessed to have us there for them in their declining years. Sorry didnt mean to get off the subject but I cant imagine how you managed working, hiring nurses and I am sure firing them too, worrying about what kind of care your mom was getting and still dealing with all you had to deal with...and now all of this with your BK. You are some kind of strong person!

[SinkingFast]

I am so shocked at the ruthlessness of your lender...

The lender I work for will stop a foreclosure if a contract is on the table for purchase of the home. Amazing how different your company is... I would think with a contract they would want the full balance of the mortgage paid, if they foreclose they lose money... it is hard for them to make money on a foreclosure with a home without equity...

Stupid business practice indeed... It is one thing, if someone calls and says I think I have a buyer postpone the sale, but VERY different if someone calls with a contract written (contingent or not) we give 90 days in a pre-foreclosure hold type status. If not closed in that time, the hold expires and we proceed...

I was shocked too. We have an offer that will pay the loan, the Realtor, all doc fees and costs, with a tad left over. I had hoped they'd be willing to work with us and wait.

I called the regular customer service number and explained to the woman who answered there what I was calling about. She said she'd put me thru to the right dept. I guess I just drew who ever was in que to take the next call. The "little gal", and I say that cause she sounded young, was very nice and polite. But she couldn't answer many of my questions. She put me on hold several times so she could ask for info from her supervisor. I was just so frustrated I didn't think to say, "Let me speak directly with your supervisor." and she didn't think to say, "Let me put you thru to my supervisor."

She asked all kinds of financial questions, asked the Realtor's name and phone number, etc., pushed for me to send a payment at one point. I felt like she was just going down a list of things she's supposed to do and say. At the end, she said she felt sorry for us for our situation and wished she could have done more to help. But that was basically it.

When I told our Realtor what happened, she was shocked as well. We have a buyer who's already approved/qualified in case another offer comes in. He has a 72 hour kick out, he has the down payment funds on deposit, and his lender has already given him the green light for a swing loan in case he needs it. Our Realtor said she's gonna try and call our Lender and see if she can get anywhere with them. We can hope.

If the Lender does start Foreclosure, we can file BK and hopefully stop the whole thing in it's tracks. If so, the Lender will really loose. Cause they'll have to wait out the BK, then foreclose to get the deed, so they can sell. All those legal fees and time are gonna mount up $$$$ real quick. Plus, Missouri law specifically states the Lender will have to pay the normal Real Estate commission, plus all fees, plus the Trustee's costs, and the costs of the sale, not to exceed 10% total. That's why I don't understand why they won't wait. If they let us sell to this guy and his wife, they get the full amount we owe.