Every day begins with my wanting to die

[deadmanwalking]

I am so ashamed. Things were so much better than this. How could I let it get this low? The only thing that has kept me alive is my wife and two children, and the thought of them being left with nothing. If I had a large insurance policy on myself I think I would have take my life already.

My wife does not know how much I have destroyed our lives. The foreclosure date is 10 days away. She has no idea of this. I have stalled the foreclosure lawsuit for 2 years, but to no avail. I made some decent money last year and expected to be able to sell the condo quickly, but instead I wound up daytrading the money away in an attempt to pay off my mortgage debt and tax lien. I have a large amount of equity in our home. But the foreclosure date is next week, and I don't know what to do.

I am working like mad to fix it up and try to sell it. But even if I file Chapter 13, how much time will this buy me to sell it at all? And will anyone pay market value when they know what dire straits I am in? I have an impending job which may make me enough money to pay a Chapter 13 plan. But I don't have a steady income now. Won't they just throw this case out and take my home if there is nothing NOW to verify? If only I had an extra 3 months, I could sell the house comfortably. How can I buy this kind of time? I am getting a consultation with an attorney tomorrow, but that will cost thousands I can ill afford. Is there a way to get more time from the court to sell my house if I don't have a contract in hand?

If I lose this house after all the chances I've had, I don't know what I will do. I have failed utterly, and the shame I feel reaches into my soul.

[HopeinHorizon]

First of all, we have all been there, we have all felt ashamed and like we failed, but this is not worth your life...

Let me tell you a story of someone I know similar to your story and hid it from his wife and he DID commit suicide...

I have a friend named Sue, and her husband retired from Chrystler. Well, he was "bored" being home by himself all day, while Sue continued to work. Apparently, he opened credit cards jointly, in just her name, and in just his name and filled his days with shopping for sports artifacts, and ran up staggering debt unknown to Sue. He would get all the collection calls through the day, the mail before she would get home, and she worked late, so after 9 when the phone rang, he wasn't worried it was a creditor because they aren't legally allowed to call that late. Sue had NO idea this was going on and she says looking back should have known he was worried and hiding something, but didn't suspect anything while it was actually going on.

Well, her husband disappeared and mailed a letter the same day he shot himself in a wooded area close to their home. She received the letter that basically said, "In a few days you will know why I did this, and I am sorry." Obviously, in the next few days she started getting the mail and the phone calls and realized what had happened. She clearly told me through tears when it happened almost 4 years ago, and would still tell me the same thing today... she said, if I would have known, we could have just filed bankruptcy, got through it together, and we would have made it, but he just couldn't tell her the truth because of his sense of failure... Sue wished he was still here, and would have gladly taken the credit hit to make that happen...

In fact, she already has credit that is thoroughly messed up, things were late, there was no way she could pay what he racked up, and now has been going to court to press charges against her late husband for identity theft to protect herself, AND she ended up having to file bankruptcy to protect her wages anyway until the trials were over... Suicide was not the answer in her case, nor yours... communicate to your wife and tackle this together. Don't leave your loved ones, they want you around!!!

[Anj]

Hmmm - sounds like you are pretty normal around here - we are all here for a reason - we have/will/did file bk. I know we were approximately 48 hours away from the sale of my home when our bk was filed. It was quite a close call - BUT we are here... and we are paying our debt.

I know you hate yourself - you feel responsible - but filing bk is not life destroying... it's just a speed bump - but you keep moving forward...

(((hugs))) Hang in there buddy - I know it feels just HORRIBLE - but there is something oddly refreshing after you file - you feel like you can face another day. And as I recall - the day that husband and I decided to file - we both started sleeping again at night...
GL!A

[FilingOnMyOwn]

Yeah I think this is a good time to go look in the mirror. And slap yourself. Do you think for one second that your kids would rather have money than you? Imagine 20 years from now and you were gone. Your kids may be into drugs, on the streets, in bad relationships/alternative lifestyles, or end up JUST LIKE YOU. Is that what you want? Are you going to let that happen? Or let it make you stronger and empower your children to live the life you never had? Money alone won't do it. They need YOU. Now slap yourself again. Repeat process. You're only a failure in your own eyes.

[concerned]

My husband has said this several times in the past several months. Talk to your wife--she will understand! If she doesn't, forget her. You have two wonderful children to think about. They don't want to grow up without you! Hang in there & call someone for help if you need to.

IT'S JUST A HOUSE! A family is something separate altogether. Your house is your family! Talk with your wife and your attorney. If you aren't happy with your attorney, then reach out to the gurus on this site! This forum has been a real lifeline for my husband and I.

Just remember, we have all been there. You can always have another home down the road, but your son's WILL NEVER REPLACE THEIR FATHER!!! My parents filed bk 10 years ago and they just bought another home 2 years ago. They are in a much better place in their marriage after all they have been through!

Best of luck to you--my thoughts are with you.

[BassBoy]

There is another thread in this forum which discusses a similar topic, and believe me, my feelings were exactly the same as yours. Some of my thoughts were how could I be so selfish and take away my childrens' father and my wife's husband. If I could beat the sh!t out of myself, I would do it for having such horrible thoughts.

If you noticed, I said my feelings WERE exactly as yours. It does get better. I no longer have those horrible, selfish thoughts and I look forward to each day and thank God everyday that I had the strength to pull through this.

You're life will get better. You just have to want it bad enough. DO NOT let this get the best of you. You're better than that. And think about your family. You need to realize how important they are to you and live each day for them. Every parents' (or at least I would hope every parent) greatest joy is to watch their children grow up, graduate high school, go to college, make something of their own lives, get married, have a family of their own, and live a great life with everything you have instilled in them. Our children.....what a gift!

.....oaky, enough of the mushy stuff.....LOL!

I know you feel ashamed and you feel like you've failed. We've all been there. But believe us when we tell you that it's not the end of the world. Life will go on and everything will eventually return to normal. You'll have to fight hard to get to that point again, but think about well worth it it will be. You'll get back to where you once were. Believe me.

You are not alone and we are here for you.

[JeepMom]

Your wife married you for a reason. In the vows...through thick and thin.....

I was hiding a lot from my dh. WAY too much. I finally confessed. We filed joint bankruptcy.

Since then, our lives are more peaceful and calm. Our sex life has quadroupled.

I wish I would have told him sooner.

My point is, she's your wife, you shouldn't hide anything from her.

[Minnymouth]

Deadmanwalking,

IT'S TIME to get out of the self pity and GET IT TOGETHER!
IT'S TIME to quit beating yourself up.....
IT'S TIME to tell the wife what is going on.............. financial burdens is something you share with your spouse.
IT'S TIME to take charge of the situation.... discuss it with an attorney to check out your options.......

Bankruptcy is open to you...... you may be surprised at your options.... you may not loose your home..... (if you did, so be it, you can buy another within 2 years.....)

Important things in life is WIFE, KIDS, AND YOUR STATE OF MIND........... homes can be replaced, lives cannot!!

STRESS CAN KILL YA........... and make you do things that any other time you would not even think of it..........

SOOOOOO, TAKE A DEEP BREATH....... TELL YOURSELF!!!

I'm taking control of this situation with the help of my spouse.....

I have several options open to me in bankruptcy......

I WILL make an appointment to discuss this with a lawyer as soon as possible.

Harming myself will only cause added grief and problems for my wife and kids.....

Claiming Bankruptcy is "my right by law"............

Though I might be embarrassed, there is "no shame" in filing bankruptcy!

I am NOT A ONE MAN ARMY, everyone at some time in their lives needs a little help from a friend.........

I WILL DO what it takes to keep my family together....

Owing a creditor is not the worst thing in the world....

I am strong, responsible, and will handle this crisis with lots of help from my spouse, my attorney, and the friends on this forum....

I am not alone in this bankruptcy, others have been there
and done it long before I had to file.....

I am and will be a Life Suvivor and a Bankruptcy Survivor!!

Keep us posted, let us know about your meeting with an attorney.
Got questions, just ask!
Feeling down, just come chat with us!
Need suggestions, maybe we can help!!

[bkadv]

You know, after you file every day seems to get a little better. As I said on the other post we thought we had it all but until we filed bk, and really took a good hard look at everything ...we had nothing. I'm one of those people also who had a really hard time with the whole bankruptcy scene. I wanted to work and pay my debts. As fate would have it, that did not happen. After suffering health problems and filing bk..I'm on the mend, and I'm sure when all is said and done it will have been the best decision we could have made for our family.

[robivi3]

deadman, I will stop by later, just got home, been in the underbelly of a train for 6 hours working feverishly to get 37 volts to run the lights, computers and everything else, very tired, gotta chill. Hang in there, we've all been there, me with three teenage boys. Yes, things get better, in my case, the before lifa and this one have no resemblamce. You'll get through it.

[concerned]

Deadmanwalking

Is your attorney a good bankruptcy attorney. Ask for a referral for a bankruptcy attorney. If you are comfortable giving your state, perhaps others on the forum can give you names of attorneys in your area that are helpful. Yes, an attorney will cost some money, but for us, it was so worth it to find someone to assist us. I would still highly recommend educating yourself from this forum to guide you along, but attorney's have contacts and know their way around the ropes easier.

I never imagined I would have to file bankruptcy. My husband and I have a high income and we were concerned that we would be in a Ch. 13, but you know what, even if that had happened we would be fine! Good luck to you!

[GoingDown]

You should read this thread. It might have some encouraging words in it for you...

http://www.bankruptcyforum.com/t6296-something-hard-to-talk-about-but-needs-attentionsuicide.html