Trying to Avoid Returning to Colorado

[Barbisi]

Zombie13 is hitting a seemingly insurmountable wall in his quest for a local job here in Washington.
He is constantly submitting and doing preliminary and follow-up interviews with certain Washington based companies (including many with the very company that laid him off) to no avail.
Rather than moving somewhere new (like the blisteringly hot Alabama or Florida or the brutally cold Minnesota or returning to the East Coast) he has hit upon the idea of returning to his old company in Colorado, where he assures me, he is a "perfect fit." He has already applied for jobs there and is getting interview requests.
Much like the awful Firebird car he "strong-armed" me into going along him to buy in Texas and the wretched house he sweet talked me into agreeing to purchase in Colorado that led directly to BK13 there, he is now saying this is the only way to avoid using the three 401Ks he still has next year to sustain the high cost of continuing to live in this state.
I do agree that this company was a far better employer than his last one, but the dreadful memories of Colorado fill me with fearful trepidation.
My spinal surgeon told me that the onset of the thoracic meningioma he removed after a grueling six-hour operation in 2023, he estimated began between 2013-2018, certainly within the twelve years I was trapped there, without ever once traveling outside of that state (i.e. no vacations ever!!!!)
I feel Zombie wants to recreate what he sees as his golden years, working at the one company that he voluntarily chose to leave, living in a semi-arid, alternating between an excessively sunny and frigidly snowy climate at an ungodly near 6k mile altitude. He has said he loved Colorado and never really wanted to leave there at all. He only agreed to relocate here, because I complained so much.
My memories of Colorado, particularly the last 6 years, are invariably miserable. First, my mother died with little warning, then we sold that wretched dwelling and bought a better, nicer and larger 2 story house, all in 2016 and then we had to file BK13 the following year in 2017. What followed was the worst 5 years of my life, punctuated by frequent and more debilitating injuries and health setbacks. More than one provider told me I needed to live in a more humid and temperate climate, which is exactly what Washington is. No wonder then that I pressured Zombie to get me out of there ASAP when the BK13 finally ended in Feb.2022. (We moved here in late May 2022.)
He is actively blaming me for his Colorado applications, saying I told him I was OKAY with him applying for work there. I admit in a rare moment of weakness, I did say that. But the minute he actually got a positive response, I started to panic, much as I did when I let him make the decisions about the car and home purchase. I feel moving back to Colorado is a literal, dead end death sentence for me, with no way out. As he has pointed out, neither one of us is getting younger and relocating yet again may prove practically impossible. I have been told my meningioma tumor may return in time, and I am certain it will if I have to return to that barren, high desert climate.
I have an ominous bad feeling about returning there much like my intuition is trying to warn me to not give in to Zombie's wishes for an easy way out - for him.
I feel I must stand up and fight back against living somewhere I loathed every day for more than 5 years. For him, Colorado is going home.

[Zombie13]

My position on this is misrepresented.
I, too, was feeling significant exasperation, disappointment, and frustration after several screening interviews. In one particular instance, the hiring manager said I could not be hired as a level 3, but only as a level 1 engineer since I did not have any direct experience - although I have been learning while producing, for 30 years - that's what I do; apparently I am a 'generalist', not an expert. And that appears to be a problem in this market. So that was a real motivation killer.
Anyway. I applied after Barbisi made that initial comment about applying to CO. All this being said, I am not motivated to return to CO. In particular with this role, the salary is 27%less that what I was making in WA. And the cost of living in CO is not 27% less than that of WA. Now, if the salary were significantly higher, that would be a different story.

[Carmella]

Hi Barbisi and Zombie13 I was just thinking of the two of you last week.

I can totally understand not wanting to return to a place where there are bad memories. I felt stressed just reading the title of this thread!

I think of you guys while I am driving the Sentra which has been ok and even though I wanted to pitch it after BK and get something I would like I am still driving it. It's been an ok car just not something I would have chose to purchase, but it was the pandemic and it was BK13. My husband did get a new car and he had never had a new car, but then it was totaled and he had to get another car which put me out of the running to get a new car... Not that this has anything to do with your situation.

Many jobs suck. I know what it's like trying to get a new one. I just started a new one in June and it's no picnic, but that is the field I am in...

Zombie I hope you are able to find a better job it's tough when the job market can be so disappointing. What's happened in my field is they want to pay everyone the same amount so if you are new or if you have 30+ experience the pay is nearly the same. It use to be they wanted to hire less experience to pay them less.

Barbisi if you don't mind me asking about your meningioma. Could it be related to Depo Provera? My friend's daughter in law is involved in the lawsuit because she has had a meningioma. I don't know if you fall into the age group for this, but figured I would ask because if could be related I would check it out. I only took Depo Provera for 1 year after my daughter was born. I guess there's higher risk if you took it longer.

I wish you both the best!

[Zombie13]

Thanks Carmella!
Yes this is annoying. Oddly: I have submitted to hundreds of positions in WA, with very little hot leads. Then I apply to 11 roles at my former employer, former location and BOOM! "Oh hey you're a strong fit for this". Oh man. I applied to the CO roles out of exasperation, and frustration. You know how I and especially Barbisi feel about CO. We reason, it's a last resort. If we got a hit this easily, perhaps it could happen again there, if we really need it. We're not getting any younger, so a move back to CO to solve the job situation would mean yet another move in a year or so.
Great to hear the Sentra is working out for you! Our previous 2005 worked well but it just got so old, so driven, that it wasn't worth fooling with anymore. When we first got to WA, it was the spring rainy season - the long soak, I call it. The defroster was non-functional, so she had to drive with the window down to avoid fogging up the windshield. My 2013 was having premature mechanical failures. So, we are glad we got them out of our life.
Hope both vehicles are working for you and your husband!
And thank you; I/we wish you the best as well!

[Barbisi]

Thank you Carmella , for your empathetic reply filled with kindness and understanding. You are truly a warm-hearted person who deserves only good things to come your way!
To answer your question about Depo-Provera, I never used that at all. Rather, I took Seasonelle for thirteen consecutive months. At the conclusion of the birth control study, I had developed a uterus the size of a three-month pregnancy. The fibroids continued to grow despite a myomectomy in Texas, and UFE (Uterine Fibroid Embolization) in Colorado. Finally, the symptoms just got to be so unbearable that I finally had to undergo the hysterectomy in 2020 which left me only with ovaries. Since then, I haven't had any recognizable menopause symptoms fortunately.
I feel the awful altitude and climate in Colorado caused my spinal thoracic meningioma. And that is why I fear a return to that barren high desert.
I think Zombie suffers from the same "hindsight is 20/20" vision many are afflicted with - i.e. the desire to go home where everything is exactly as you left it!
I believe that old adage " You Can't Go Home Again" is a very apt one because returning to the same place and the same job cannot guarantee the same quality of life or results.
For example, the house we might be able to rent might not be a desirable layout in a good neighborhood and the job's benefits might have changed in a negative way (i.e. a different health insurance plan with less PT and chiro visits allowed, etc.). It is certain many restaurants, stores and movie theatres that we enjoyed frequenting are no longer there. (I have already looked some up only to find this out.) And finally, COL in that state has increased so much that the pay cut my husband would have to accept would probably leave us in a tight financial bind.
As for the Firebird debacle, that was rectified when I discovered the Nissan Sentra make which in 1999 was a much under-appreciated gem of a brand. We ended up buying two more Sentras, one in New Hampshire, and one in Colorado before the quality deteriorated so much during our BK13 that we vowed never to buy another Nissan again. I hope that you are able to replace that Sentra in the near future.
I wish much joy, prosperity and happiness to you and your husband.

[Carmella]

Thanks Barbisi and Zombie13

Barbisi thanks for the update about your meningioma that it's not in the brain. My friend's daughter in law has a meningioma in the brain. I am sorry you had to deal with fibroids and uterus problems. You are a strong lady!

It's good to hear from both of you during post BK 13 life!

I hope the job situation turns out good in the end. I plan to stick on my new job at least a year, since I started in June and knew it was going to be rough. I won't seriously look for anything else until next summer unless this job actually improves. Age discrimination is very real it gets harder as you get older.