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You Can't Say No to New Toy in World of Instant Gratification

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    You Can't Say No to New Toy in World of Instant Gratification

    This is the First part of the article by Betsy Hart

    Spoil the child and raise debt -- everybody does it

    FROM THE HART | You can't say no to new toy in world of instant gratification

    August 1, 2008

    BY BETSY HART www.betsysblog.com

    We parents on average spend five times more on our kids today than we did 25 years ago, and that's in real dollars, according to David Briggs, head of the Good Sense Financial Stewardships Ministry at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington.

    PART ONE OF TWO COLUMNS

    Briggs was a finance manager at General Electric for decades before pursuing the ministry at Willow Creek, where he now helps people to think wisely and practically about their money. Or tries to.

    I like to check in with Briggs on a regular basis, and he's frequently a guest on my radio show. Full disclosure -- I need his insight every bit as much as my listeners might.

    "Five times as much -- are you kidding me?" I asked Briggs. He wasn't kidding. Yes, their "stuff" costs more -- iPods, video games, computers, phones and all that jazz -- but five times as much? And should our kids really need all that jazz anyway?

    Better put, can today's parents afford to give our kids five times as much stuff as our parents gave us? The answer is "no."

    In fact, according to a recent cover story in the New York Times by Gretchen Morgenson, "Just two generations ago, America was a nation of mostly thrifty people living within their means, even setting money aside for unforeseen expenses.

    "Today Americans carry $2.56 trillion in consumer debt, up 22 percent since 2000 alone, according to the Federal Reserve Board. The average household's credit card debt is $8,565, up almost 15 percent from 2000."
    College debt also has more than doubled since 1995. One reason for that little gem? Sure, college costs have gone way up since then, but the fact remains that many parents find it status enriching to talk about the crushing expense of the top-tier schools their kids attend.

    That's even when they really cannot afford the huge costs, and even though the evidence is that in itself getting an undergraduate degree from an expensive "name" school will not make a difference in lifetime earnings for their child. (Though, getting an undergraduate degree -- anywhere, and that might include a couple of years at an inexpensive community college -- on average brings an enormous difference in lifetime earnings over someone who doesn't graduate from college.)

    Anyway, Briggs said he sees the ramification of Americans increased indebtedness firsthand in his ministry. The biggest concerns people come to him with in these scary financial times are the fear of losing their jobs, and along with that, not being able to make their credit card payments, a sense of being out of control financially and being unable to save any money.
    So why the change in our personal consumer debt in such a relatively short time? Sure, the credit card companies have made us less guilty about debt. Think of the advertisements, as the Times pointed out, such as "Life Takes Visa," "Priceless" and on it goes.

    More ominously, credit card companies and banks thrive so much on fees surrounding loans (which are typically sold off anyway) that whether the borrower can pay back is almost secondary to a lender -- meaning a lot of people are getting bank loans and credit cards when they shouldn't.

    But Briggs said it's more than that. He's observed that we Americans, in general, don't take seriously the need to make lifestyle changes. As Briggs puts it, when folks are short they don't cut back -- "they charge the shortfall to their credit cards."

    Moreover, we've become a nation that has less and less experience with "delayed gratification." We sure aren't teaching our kids about that. We parents just hate our kids to hear the word "no." Hence the fivefold increase in what we spend on them. American parents and children alike increasingly share the sentiment expressed by Veruca Salt in "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory": "I want it NOW, Daddy!"

    What to do? David Briggs offers some great, practical, doable suggestions for folks, whether it's about digging ourselves out from under debt, or just learning to handle our money more responsibly and wisely so we stay away from debt.

    I'll continue the conversation with him -- and get to the answers -- in next week's column.

    Betsy hosts "It Takes a Parent" at noon Sundays on WYLL-AM (1160).

    "To go bravely forward is to invite a miracle."

    "Worry is the darkroom where negatives are formed."

    #2
    We parents on average spend five times more on our kids today than we did 25 years ago, and that's in real dollars, according to David Briggs, head of the Good Sense Financial Stewardships Ministry at Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington.
    You aint kidding...the kid across the way has 20 motorbikes at age 15, drum set, guitars, professional trampoline, computer with all the trimmings, phone, every kind of toy & gadget you can imagine.
    & does nothing to help out the homestead.

    When his mom asks him to take out the garbage he tells her, "NO."

    When I was that age I already had my first summer job & was working to save up money for my own car & paying a little bit to support myself. I look across the way & I see an admitting spoiled brat who still has not learned the value of a dollar.

    Dont you think mommy & daddy giving him $1,000 in JUly just for fireworks is not enough?

    Comment


      #3
      I believe it. My niece is 3 years old, she has more stuff than my brother and me had when we were 16.

      I always try to go for the inexpensive gifts myself. I try to keep gifts 10 dollars or less. I am poor, but I generally try to buy for all I expect at the gathering.

      I think my family is in for a shock this year though.

      I mentioned my niece but my cousin's kids are the same way. The problem is my brother is going to be laid off in October and my cousin is getting laid off this month. I suspect there will be some hard pains in their spending in the future.
      May 31st, 2007: Petition Filed by my lawyer
      July 2nd, 2007: 341 Meeting Held
      September 4th, 2007: Discharged and Closed.

      Comment


        #4
        It cost more to pay for things then it did 25 yrs ago.

        Comment


          #5
          That's true Cali, however I'm talking quantity of stuff. Sadly as you say most of it is more expensive than in the past.
          May 31st, 2007: Petition Filed by my lawyer
          July 2nd, 2007: 341 Meeting Held
          September 4th, 2007: Discharged and Closed.

          Comment


            #6
            I jokingly refer to the kids of today as Generation Entitlement- the I want it now generation..

            Comment


              #7
              Scary thing is what till these kids grow up and become adults..

              Comment


                #8
                We live in an affluent area and most of their friends have money. My daughter/son friends got brand new BMW's, Range Rovers, Hummers, etc for 1st cars, that is how bad it is here. But my kids know the importance of working hard for something and to appreciate all that is given to you. I am sure for many they are considered spoiled, but they don't think they deserve things just because.

                So it's up to the parents to teach the kids.
                Last edited by Cali; 08-14-2008, 11:33 AM.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by Scott50 View Post
                  Scary thing is what till these kids grow up and become adults..
                  and expect everything to be handed to them because they are entitled to it.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Cali View Post
                    We live in an affluent area and most of their friends have money. My daughter/son friends got brand new BMW's, Range Rovers, Hummers, etc for 1st cars, that is how bad it is here. But my kids know the importance of working hard for something and to appreciate all that is given to you. I am sure for many they are considered spoiled, but they don't think they deserve things just because.

                    So it's up to the parents to teach the kids.
                    None of those BMWs, Range Rovers or Hummers are paid for I'm sure . Good that you are teaching your kids differently
                    May 31st, 2007: Petition Filed by my lawyer
                    July 2nd, 2007: 341 Meeting Held
                    September 4th, 2007: Discharged and Closed.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I think it all depends on the importance placed on things. I remember in high school kids getting cars for their birthdays but it wasn't everyone and I didn't think much of it. I didn't get my license until I was 18 and didn't get a car until I was 22 but I also had plenty of friends to drive me around and two older brothers so I didn't really notice it. I think maybe I was oblivious to these type of things because I was very into an extracurricular activity (dance). My brothers had jobs starting at 15. I didn't because I was so involved in dance but I was expected to get scholarships to college and I my parents didn't buy everything for me. I also saw how hard my brothers worked to pay for their cars which definitely weren't new and they did all the work on them. They got so good at some things that they did maintenance work on my parent's cars.

                      Bottom line was my parents placed the importance on working hard whether it was a part time job for my brothers or dance for me. I knew that if I quit dance I would be expected to get a job.
                      Filed: 7/17/08
                      341 Meeting: 8/25/08
                      Last Day of Objections: 10/24/08
                      Discharged: 11/08

                      Comment


                        #12
                        JRScott - I've actually seen many of their friends parents financial statements, so I know their net worth. Most of their friends vehicles were paid for when they purchased them. Now the 3 mil and up homes aren't paid for. LOL

                        catdance23 - I got a new car for my 16th birthday. I didn't get my first job until I was 23. My family spoiled me, but they also taught me about money, working and the importance of education. I would never make my kids get a job while in HS. I prefer they work hard at getting good grades and doing their best in whatever extracurricular activity they are in at the time.
                        Last edited by Cali; 08-20-2008, 08:27 AM.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Ultimately the parents are to blame.

                          These types of parents and their kids are going to get a newsflash real soon. Just look at how hard kids around the world in places like China and India are studying and working towards a better life. While our kids kick back, are driven everywhere and only have to worry about the twenty or so extracurricular activities they are doing.
                          My comments are solely based on my opinion. The information and links that I have
                          posted are provided solely for informational purposes, and do not constitute legal advice

                          Comment


                            #14
                            As I said earlier it's the parents responsibility to teach, but that doesn't mean they will follow what they learn when they are on their own.

                            And just because you kick back doesn't mean you won't be successful in the real world. I didn't work until I was 23 and I had loads of extracurricular activities. And with all that I graduated with a MBA and until a year and a half ago I was making 6 figures.

                            Originally posted by shabam View Post
                            Ultimately the parents are to blame.

                            These types of parents and their kids are going to get a newsflash real soon. Just look at how hard kids around the world in places like China and India are studying and working towards a better life. While our kids kick back, are driven everywhere and only have to worry about the twenty or so extracurricular activities they are doing.

                            Comment

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