I lost a friend yesterday

[JusticeForAll]

Yesterday, I finally came clean with someone who I considered my dearest friend. I've only know him two years, but we we're REALLY tight (or so I thought).

He and I are in constant contact, we email and chat online all day while we're working, every single day for the last two years, including weekends. Yesterday, he told me about a major purchase he made, and once in a lifetime purchase and it struck a nerve, and I started crying. (I do that a lot these days). He asked me why I was crying and I finally just told him the truth (prior to this we had never discussed finances before).

Well, he made some kind of stupid joke after I told him in an attempt to make me feel better but I could tell he was really uncomfortable with it.

Today, he will not take my calls or respond to my emails. I know he's at work and I know he's online (because we both participate in another forum and he's all over that board today, as recently as a few minutes ago). However, he puts my calls into voicemail and ignores my emails.

I've never been so hurt in my entire life.

I realize, he's really no friend and I'm probably better off without him, but I didn't realize how much it would hurt to lose him and all because I've got a big mouth and can't keep it shut.

With this and the thread about losing a home, I'm a total mess and can't stop crying.

I don't know you all that well and this is awkward, but thanks for listening (reading).

[jane taylor]

Dear Justice:

I am so, so sorry that happened to you!! You may be right that he was never really a friend at all. I do know that we tend to hurt people closest to us the most. It still does not make the situation any easier and none of us needs extra stress during BK.

Thank you for sharing this with us. We are here to share each other's joys and sorrows. Sending prayers your way--

jane

[BassBoy]

Hold the phone for just a minute Justice. Maybe your friend is just a little shocked about the news and maybe just doesn't know what to say right now. It may take him some time to digest this. It is one hell of a bomb to drop on someone. When I finally told my parents, I don't think I heard from them for a couple of weeks. I thought they hated me for this. Well, it was just because they just didn't know what to say or how to say it.

Give your friend some time. He'll come around. And if he's truly your friend, he'll be there for you when you need him. Believe me, I realized who my friends were when this happened to us and every single one of them did all that they could to help us out. They helped us move, came over the following night with dinner and drinks for us and most of all, took the time to listen when I was at my worst. You're friend is not lost.

[JusticeForAll]

Thanks both of you.

You know I hadn't thought about it from his perspective, it is quite a bombshell isn't it? Especially since I never even hinted that my husband and I were in any kind of financial distress whatsoever.

Maybe I'll just give him a day or two and call like everything is normal and not bring it up.

[JusticeForAll]

One more thing

He purchased a car for $115k (obviously he's loaded - I never knew that), so maybe he feels like I rained on his parade!

I'll give him some time and try not to think of it from the center of my world!

[BassBoy]

Not to sound condescending now, but if your friend is lost, then guess what, as of today, you just gained 3,614 new friends!

[JusticeForAll]

Omg!

That has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!!!!

Thank you!

Now, I'll be crying all day!

[BassBoy]

That has to be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!!!!

I certainly hope not.

Now, I'll be crying all day

You're going to dehydrate yourself...LOL!

[miss puff]

lol, I thought it was sweet too.

Your friend could just be going through a shock of some sorts. Hopefully he will come around and realize that just cause you went BK doesn't mean you are any different as a friend.

Good luck, hugs

[SinkingFast]

Hopefully, your friend will come around, JFA.

Just remember that we're here for you!!

[debtisbad]

I think most likely that your friend does not know what to say. He may feel like he stuck his foot in his mouth. Maybe, too, he is just a little bit embarrased (and he shouldn't be) that here he is with his new 115k car and you are at the opposite end of the pole. Give it a day or 2, write him one last email. Tell him that you value his friendship and hate to loose it over what was discussed. If he is a true friend, he will be there. If not, her really wasn't a friend at all.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[JusticeForAll]

Thank you so much to all who responded! You are all very kind! Kinda like family!

As of this morning, I have not heard from my friend. However, I've decided to concentrate on something more productive and give it some time.

If he comes around, great, if not, I'll cry again but my life will go on!

Today, I'm not crying!

Thanks again!

[Credit Hater]

I'm glad you're feeling better JFA. Can I ask a question though? And please don't take offense to this, I'm just curious and wondering and not trying to offend you at all. Why are you crying over a guy friend over something like this and you're married?

All my life I've been horrible at trying to figure out women and finally gave up ( I say this jokingly ladies), but I've had some pretty bad luck at times with some girl friends and I think it's because some do things similar to your situation JFA, and it puzzles the heck out of me......Just something to think about.

[Bobby'sGirl]

A good friend can be any gender

I understand the confusion, CH. Unless you are fortunate enough to have a stable marriage/relationship and the ability to see the opposite gender not as possible "mates", then the idea of close friendship based on shared interests and caring separate from sexual issues may be hard to fathom. Not everyone can easily make that leap, and with the sexually charged American pop culture today fewer and fewer people may be able to get to that point.

Justice: I think sittting back and giving it a little time is a good move. He may be embarrased about "bragging" with the car purchase and may need to hide a little for a while.

[jane taylor]

JusticeForAll--

Glad you are feeling better today. I think you are wise to give it some time.

CreditHater, I appreciate your honesty!! I am female and I haven't figured us out yet either Also understand your confusion. However, one of my dearest friends (BFF as my teenage daughter would say!) is a guy. Yep, we've definitely had to set some boundaries, but my husband is OK with it.

For me, men are easier to work with. We have too many women around here and way too much or too little estrogen! There are days when they need to put Valium in the water supply (And I need a double shot--LOL!)