anybody have any funny kid stories?

[saucey]

although i have many this is one of my favorites.i was at walmart and had two of my children with me.at that time my daughter was almost 3 and my son was almost 6.it was a few years ago so i dont remember exactly what they were doing but i know it was really bad.bad enough to just leave the cart and start walking away.so bad that i wasnt even looking to see if they were following me.i was a good distance away when i turned around saw my almost three year old daughter running after me screaming as loud as can be sorry bi***sorry bi***!i was mortified,but at least she said she was sorry!

[robivi3]

Have six thousand of them, will be back. I'm not around much these days so it may take awhile. 13 years ago, six year old singing loud opera in the bathroom at Sams (wife waiting outside door) and men emerging holding back tears from laughing (when he was three he tried to conduct the Angel choir in the Live Nativity at Miami Shores Presbyterian Church, some of the Angels were laughing hysterically and a crowd gathered around the tiny blond fudgeball in his tiny red checkered shirt and denim overalls, it was his serious expression and motions that made it so funny). He used to turn over his L'il Tykes slide in the yard and "Preach" in "Spanish" and like our old late Cuban Pastor would scream Hallelujah which he pronounced "Aduta" and then give the radio phone number "dos seis seis cero dos cero cero)!

Or the time at City National Bank when he politely requested "Daddy sing Glory hallelujah", the teller smiled, I said "not here son". He gotr very pensive and looked up at me and said "Daddy, a mans gotta do what a mans gotta do!" The teller almost hit the floor.

[confusedinVA]

I have tons of funny stories. This one for some reason just pops out at me. We were over at my in-laws house. My oldest son, who was 5 and in Kindergarten at the time, had been playing outside. He came in the house and to the kitchen to get a drink. My mother-in-law was in the kitchen. When I walked in my son turned around and it looked like he was giving me the bird. My jaw dropped and I could see from the corner of my eye, my mother-in laws expression. I said "Austin, what are you doing, where did you learn that?" He said "Learn what, I have a cut on my finger."

This same child went through a stage where I just couldnt get him to wear underwear. He hated them. We were at the doctors and this was his first real physical that he had to take all of his clothes off. Well, guess what, he didnt have any undies on.

I heard on a radio show, John Boy and bille, one morning something so funny. I laughed for weeks over. They had someone go through a drive through and order breakfast. The funny part was this person had to keep saying to hold the pickles because pickles gave him gas. It was hilarious. So I taught my 2 children and my sisters kids that. I know terrible. It was all in fun though. Anyway, we all went out to dinner one night and my oldest daughter told the waitress what she wanted. And then said "I dont want any pickles though, cause pickles give me gas." We all laughed so hard because up until that point it was just between us.

There are so many more stories but not sure if you all will think they are as funny as I do.

[pink_amulet]

My kids are always saying funny things....
One day I was getting ready doing my hair and makeup and my son was standing there talking to me. He was was learning about money and math in school. So he was asking me how much things were. (like asking how much my make-up costs, and how much we pay for our house, how much his clothes costs...etc.) It became a little annoying after awhile, but I kept answering him.
He turned to me and asked, "How much did we pay for the cats?" (we had gotten two sister kittens a month earlier) in my fast response I said "$25 bucks a piece." He sat and was quiet for a a sec....and I noticed an unusual look on his face, as if to figuring something out. He sat then turned to me and said "How many pieces did it take?"..I was like huh?? He asked "yeah! $25 dollars a piece how many pieces did it take?"
I started to laugh so hard I didn't realize how I had said it...and he didn't understand the phase!!..it was so funny...and then I explained to him what $25 buck a piece meant and he laughed so hard!!! To this day when we go to the pet store he says hey "Look mom....kittens, I wonder how many pieces it takes to make a cat!!!"...it's our family joke now!!

[robivi3]

Any stories are fun, it doesn't matter if everyone laughs, you laugh while you are typing them! It's great! SO))))... more please!!!!

[Peevee]

My mother inlaw kept my kids when they were small. She took my little girl to a funeral one day and sit beside a older lady she went to church with. The lady got to digging in her purse to find some candy or gum to give to my little girl. She finally found a piece of peppermint and offered it to my girl. She told her she didn't want it but you can have it because your breath stinks. My mother inlaw said she almost passed out when she said that. She was 4 years old at the time.

[lrprn]

This happened when our daughter was 4 years old. She had been very curious was asking me about people's "private parts" if you get my drift. Being a nurse, I taught her the right names for the "private parts" and thought that was the end of it....little did I know...

We're at the grocery store in line getting ready to check out. She's sitting in our basket and struck up a conversation with a lovely, white-haired gentleman who looked about 80 years old in front of us. The two were chatting away and my mind was wandering when suddenly I hear our daughter say very loudly and with a great deal of pride, "You're a man so you have a [insert real word for male organ]." The poor man looked stunned, and before I could react, she then announces proudly, "And I'm a girl, so I have a [insert word for female organ]!" Everyone around us burst out laughing, including the older gentleman. My face was the color of a tomato - the checker was laughing so hard she couldn't work the cash register! The next week we were back at the store and as the clerks saw us come in, I hear one of them say to the other, "That's them!" It was easy to tell what story had been going around the store for the last week! LOL!

[BassBoy]

At 3:00 in the morning

About 5 years ago, I was making pancakes for my little guy (he's now 8 yrs. old) and I let him help mix the batter. He was so excited, as any 3 year old would be. Anyways, that turned into one of the most interesting nights ever. At about 3:00 in the morning, I was awakened to this commotion in our master bathroom. My 3 year old had my wife's hair brush in the toilet with a wad of toilet paper and mixing away. My son says, "Daddy....making it." This kid thought he was making pancakes I guess. I about died with laughter. I was histerical. My wife was awakened by my laughter and when she saw what he did and when he said "Mommy....making it," we laughed our ass' off.

To this day, my wife and I still have a good laugh about that day whenever we make pancakes for the boys.

[NowOrNever]

When my son was about four I had him at one of those walk-in haircut places getting a haircut. The girl that was cutting his hair had really long fingernails. As she was combing his hair she clipped his ear with one of her nails. She apologized as my son said "You have really long nails." She replied "Yes, I do." Then my son says (in his most serious tone) "Well, if you think those are long you should see my dad's toenails." I thought I would die laughing.

This morning at about 6:15 he comes in and crawls in bed with me. We went to a NLDS playoff game today and he said he woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep because he was so excited. My mom was going with us and we were expecting her at our house about 9am. As we laid there talking, he said "Do you think Nana's up yet?" And I said "Oh I'm sure she is. She's probably sitting at the kitchen table now having a .... " and I paused to think of something because she doesn't drink coffee. At which point he chimes in "Beer?" Then he said "No, it's not afternoon yet." I laughed and laughed. Then he got all embarrassed and said "I meant to say juice!" Keep in mind that my mom doesn't drink much. We told her about it at the game (which embarrassed him terribly) and she said "Well, you do have a unique nana." We thought it was funny anyway.

Like you guys...I got a million of 'em.

[JusticeForAll]

This is a funny kid story, but it's about my youngest sister, not about my own children (I don't have any).

We were anxiously awaiting the arrival of a visit from my grandmother, we LOVED when she visited because she was so much fun!!

So she arrives at the house and all the kids are excited. We're gathered around the kitchen table where gramma is sitting drinking coffee with my mom and dad.

My youngest sister was probably about 4 at the time and she's standing right next to my gramma and gramma has her arm around my sister.

So little sister says "so gramma, how was your flight" and gramma says "honey, I didn't fly, I took the train" and little sister says very firmly to gramma " NO gramma, Daddy said you were flying in on your broom".

ROFL! My family still talks about that to this day.

My grandmother took it all in stride, she got up from the table, found the broom and starting dancing all of the kitchen like she was flying on a broom, much to my father's humilation!

Here's another about my nephew (this one I should be ashamed of, but I was only about 21, so that's my excuse):

When my nephew was about 3, we were tight. We were going to a cousin's wedding and he wanted to ride with me. I'm supposed to follow my sister and her husband to the hour long drive to this wedding, by my sister's husband drove to fast and I lost them.

I had some idea of where I was going and it was a small town, so I figured it wouldn't be too hard to find. I get into town and spot a church that there is obvisouly at wedding at. I pull into the parking lot, only to realize, it's the wrong church and the wrong wedding.

I strap my nephew back into the seat belt and rush back out to the main drag going through town. By this time the wedding is going to start in 5 minutes and I'm completely lost & trying to hurry so I don't miss the wedding.

So I'm at a light and the lights turns green. The guy in front me just sat there. So I leaned on my horn and screamed "GO A$$HOLE! WTF is your problem??" (cuz I'm thinking more about getting to this wedding on time than having a toddler sitting next to me)

I turned to look at my nephew and his mouth was hanging wide open! He shakes his finger at me and said "FINNY (he couldn't say my name) THAT'S A BAD WORD AND I DON'T EVER WANNA HEAR THAT OUT OF "YOU" MOUTH AGAIN!!!!!"

It was priceless!

That particular nephew is grown now and he's heard that story a million times! He still calls me Finny and shakes his finger at me like that!

[Minnymouth]

Many years ago in my 30's I was home for the holidays at my folks..... needless to say I did not know till the next morning that my youngest brother and his family had come-in in the middle of the night....

Over the breakfast table my brothers 14 son says "I saw a "full moon" shining last night!!! His dad said son- It was raining last night!!! You couldn't see a moon at all.....

He started laughing and said - "Yes, I did - it was Auntie D's bare butt going to the bath room in the middle of the night...... I saw her coming and going -I've seen IT ALL - I know what she has!!!!!

Course everybody cracked up laughing, and my brother said "Sis, kids are here, you better sleep in a nightgown or put a robe on when you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night (I did not know the 14 year old was watching tv on the couch in the dark when I got up - and down the hall I went)

I'm and old woman now, he's grown (40) with kids of his own. He still sneaks up behind me and says "Is a "full moon" going to shine tonight????????

[BassBoy]

I had some idea of where I was going and it was a small town, so I figured it wouldn't be too hard to find. I get into town and spot a church that there is obvisouly at wedding at. I pull into the parking lot, only to realize, it's the wrong church and the wrong wedding.

LOL! For a second, I thought this was going to turn out like Wayne's World 2, where the church you were supposed to be at was right across the street. ROTFL!

[jane taylor]

These stories are priceless!!! My kids are now teenagers and I am really enjoying everyone else's little ones who do hilarious things in church. One little boy, not to be denied the joy of giving yesterday, put his dollar bill in the baptismal font--my friend and I nearly fell out of our pew. That was after another little boy, wearing his Rudolph mittens (85 degrees here!), tried to blow out the candles on the altar!

One of my favorites with my daughter was during "Community Helper" week at her daycare. They made chef hats, had visits from police officers, etc. and had taken a couple of field trips. That Friday they were supposed to dress up as a Community Helper. After giving my daughter the "girls can grow up to be anything doctors, lawyers, astronauts, etc. speech", my daughter, with all the exasperation a 3 year-old could muster, said, "Momma, don't wanna be nuffin'!! Jus' wanna be ME!"

We decided that her sense of self was VERY well-developed after that and needless to say didn't force her to dress up that Friday.

[anonymuse]

These are awesome--I'm smiling and chuckling reading them all. Amazing what comes out of the mouths of babes.

I don't have kids, but do have a niece (5) and nephew (2.5) and they definitely keep us rolling. And if I don't witness things myself, I hear it back through my mother and father.

When my niece had only been talking a few months, out of the blue she just said one day "Poppi has no hair!" (Which is pretty much true.)

Then, last week, my nephew piped up "Poppi is a bald eagle." GMTA.

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My nephew is not potty trained yet, but is letting us know when he needs to be changed. My father goes to take him out of the crib one day and he goes "Poppi, for you" and hands him a handful of poopies he had taken out of his diapers.

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My niece started Kindergarten this year and taking the school bus. My sister goes to pick her up and walk her home from the bus stop and she's walking in front of her to get home. My sister tells her to walk with her and her brother and my niece tells her that she's a big girl now and can walk home on her own. My sister tells her that she is definitely NOT a big girl and will walk home with her mom and brother. To that she replied, "Oh, mom, you just need to let me go!"

[miss puff]

My youngest son is my "mouthy" one. He is four. We have this joke around our house that if the kids are being particularly annoying me and my husband say "don't make me beat you!" Anyone who knows us, knows it's a joke-we don't really beat our children. A few months ago we were at Cub Foods and my son picked an apple and about 10 fell on the floor. He said, rather loudly, "ARE YOU GOING TO BEAT ME NOW?" I was mortified, but he smiled when he said it so I hope nobody thought he was serious.

Another was when our daghter was about three, we had made chocolate pudding and it was in the fridge setting. My hubby and I were on the couch and notice she wasn't around but could hear that she was going into the fridge. We kinda snickered at each other because we knew exactly what she was doing. We called her name and she replies "huh". "You aren't eating pudding are you?" "No" and she comes out and she has it ALL over her face and she kept saying "No". What's funnier is that it was the first time she ever lied to us. lol