Let's Debate~~Child Support Issues

[lilgoose]

Rules to participate......You must be able to do so without putting down another person's thoughts and feelings. This is intended to be for discussion and you must recognize that there will be many sides to this.

This might have been a true scenerio for someone and it could be the reason why they are here with us. This is just something to get some thoughts and feelings out there. I know that child support is a great thing, but some of the rules that govern it has put the best interest of the child on the back burner. I know that the father is really taken advantage of. I am just curious as to how people feel.

Remember, we are all adults and this is to be an Adult Discussion.....

Scenerio:

Girl meets boy. Girl basically seduces boy to do a little more than hanky-panky. Girl is looking to get pregnant but doesn't share her future plans with the unsuspecting "tad-pole donor". She gets lucky (if that is how you want to look at it) and ends up getting pregnant. Doesn't tell the father that she is and goes off on her own to have the child~along without the father's knowledge that this is even happening......

Okay, here is the question:

If a mother gives birth to a child that the father had no knowledge of, should that mother be allowed to come back when the child is a teen and demand child support?

[pink_amulet]

well my opinoin...if child support was SSSOOO important for the mother to have,and it was a scam, then she should have contacted the baby's father AS SOON AS the baby was born, to get those checks rolling in. If that is actually the case!

If now the father left as soon as he found out she was PG, and skipped town...that is different story! yes he should be repsonsible...he left KNOWING the baby was out there!

But for her to keep it a secret and now 10+ years later pop up looking for a hand out is wrong.

EITHER WAY IT'S NOT THE BABY'S FAULT AND THE BABY SHOULD NOT BE DEPRIVED!!

I have 2 boys and a loving happy hubby for 12 years...THANK GOODNESS I never have to deal with "baby drama"!!!!


Pink

[lilgoose]

I, too, have a wonderful hubby of 12 yrs (come Mar 26) and 2 adorable little ones (one 5 and the other 11). He is very supportive and responsible to his family...This is one of those questions that make you wonder why it is not a little more fair.....I think I watch too much Young and Restless.....

Okay, let's say that the father was NEVER told that he was a father. He stops seeing her without knowing that she was even pregnant. Remember, her intention was to get pregnant. She chose to NOT tell him.

Now, if the child should not be deprived, then what has been told to the child about their absenteeism father? Do you think that the mother might have said some pretty nasty things to that child about the father? What if she told the child the father didn't want them? What if the father really would have loved to become a parent but the mother took that away? Maybe she has raised that child just fine for many years and all the sudden decides she wants it easy and the unsuspecting father is an excellent source of income for her.


Playing devil's advocate here.....Okay, if the child is the important part of the equation and should not be deprived of the financial benefits from the father.....then what about the deprevation that the father has suffered because the mother has taken away all the wonderful moments of being a parent? You know, the first smiles, steps....kindergarten...scraped knee....He has lost all that due to her decision to not tell him. Money can't make up for the past bills and cost of raising the child but it can help. I believe that Texas is a state that the mother can make the father pay clear back to the birth (even if the kid is 17). But, what will ever replace what the father has lost?

Does that father have any rights? Should the mother be allowed to come along and expect the father to pay her? What if that father has already moved on and has a family of his own? What if she is very adament about not wanting the father to be allowed to have contact with the child? What if she has voiced her thoughts in court? Does the father still have to pay but still have no benefits of being a parent?

[AMISLANDER]

My .02

My boyfriend of six years found out that he was the father of a son he never knew about...he was with the girl once and left town. Six years later, when the mother of the son was getting divorced from her second husband (who, in fact, thought he was the son's natural father), it came up in paternity testing that the divorcing dad was not the natural father & my boyfriend's name came up. He went for DNA testing & bingo 99.9% he was father.

Now, he missed six years of his sons life, actually, the most important years of a child's development. I don't think he has ever emotionally recovered from it. He ended up paying back child support. The mother went on to bear five more children, lose them because of drugs & my boyfriend's son was adopted by his sister & her husband and now, 10 years later, has developed into a wonderful young man. This wonderful teenager looks just like his dad; he comes to Florida from up north at least twice a year to spend time with his dad and grandparents.

Because my children have lived with their father for the past few years, due to state of Florida law, even though we have joint custody, I have been paying $300 a month, based on my income...even though I only make $1,500 a month and my x makes $16,000.00 a month. They do not need my child support. As you can see, the father does "not always get the short end of the deal." I can barely pay my rent, bills & eat & pay child support for children who are living in a 2.5 million dollar house while I file bankruptcy. Just because it's the law, doesn't mean it's fair or right...Since my X is moving my children out of state in a few weeks due to everyone acquiring an aversion to mold, I will not be paying child support anymore...lucky me...but my children will no longer be within five minutes reach...and I haven't even signed any paperwork yet....

Each child support case in different in its own way; the court systems of each state need to have more qualified people to weigh the pros & cons of child support. It's not an open & shut case in many situations.

[derf]

There really should be a time limitation to protect the father to an extent.

10 years gone by and not knowing he has a child somewhere, and then having Child Support Emerge literally to him "out of the blue" should be something that he has a legal obligation not to pay.

Mainly a statute of limitations.

Of course there would likely be loopholes in such a law, as there are with any law, that could cause problems.


Personally, if I found out that I had a child somewhere after a significant (10 years- I.E>) amount of time and the Mother did not inform me of this except in an attempt to obtain child support, you bet I'd fight it.

However, I know in my heart that I'd still be a man about the issue. While I may fight the support, I would still be sure that my recently discovered child would recieve monetary support in another form, be it sending the child directly a check that is in only their name, opening a savings acount or trust fund for that child, helping with school, etc.

After this amount of time, I'd have very little trust or respect left for the Mother, so I'd find a way to make sure the child recieves the money and not the mother.

After this amount of time I'd be willing to be there for more than just the monetary issue, but that would be more up to the child at this point.



On the opposite side of the coin:

If a male and a female are together and sexually active and don't know how to prevent pregnancy without abstaining, that wouldn't leave much to be said about their intelligence either.....


Just my thoughts at the present time.

[pink_amulet]

[derf]

Each child support case in different in its own way; the court systems of each state need to have more qualified people to weigh the pros & cons of child support. It's not an open & shut case in many situations.

Amen. It's never really and open and shut case.

And it's usually due to the incompetence of the court system personel that causes the child or children to actually suffer.

[SinkingFast]

Your scenario actually happened to my nephew in Kentucky.

Nephew and his girlfriend were together a while. Then broke up. Girlfriend never told nephew she was pregnant or had his child. Nothing. Suddenly, child is 3 or 4 years old and Ex Girlfriend comes back on my nephew for support.

He denied the child as his, as he really had no idea she was his daughter. Court ordered a DNA test. Proved the little girl was indeed nephew's. Ex Girlfriend won support payments from nephew but did not want to give any visitation or custody rights. Ex Girlfriend surely wanted Nephew's money but she didn't wanna share the child with the little girl's real father.

Nephew sued Ex Girlfriend for visitation and some form of custody. He won. Started at first as supervised visitation, a few hours on Saturday or Sunday, every other week. As time has gone on, Nephew's visitation has expanded to entire weekends every week and alternating holidays. The Court has monitored Nephew's visitation with the little girl the whole way and the new arrangement was the recommendation of the Court. Ex Girlfriend is not happy about it, but she has to deal with it now. It's Court ordered.

[lilgoose]

Gosh, I am glad to see everyone enjoying such a serious debate without all the crap!

In Ohio, the birth mother may give up the baby for adoption WITHOUT the father's consent. BUT, the father, at any time WILL BE obligator to care for that child that he was never told about.

Amislander: I do feel for you. I can't imagine the emotional stress that you are under....and to add the bk on top of it. See, this is why the whole system needs an overhaul. I know that our great and wonderous governor, of Ohio, wants to pass a law that will really rack the non-custodial parent. That is just so wrong...there are way too many mitigating circumstances to be taken into factor. Your second sentence second paragraph concerning your boyfriend really says it all!! How do you make up for that? Sure, you can make them pay all the money you can drain out of them, but what about that person's feelings? Sounds to me like Florida is one of those states that needs to be dissected and re-evaluated. It is great that your boyfriend's son's situation has turned out so good. But, some situations are not so fortunate. Good luck with your situation! I sure hope that you have a close friend that you can share with....

Question:

What if the father doesn't want a relationship with the child? It shouldn't be just the child's best interest to be forced into a relationship with someone.

Derf: From what I understand, PA has this time limit of 3 years from birth, but it is being fought.

Question:

What if that child support could financially ruin that father? What if the child in question could receive more money that could put his present children, that he lives with, in poverty? What if that support obligation could make him lose his home and car? The father has made how many years of financial decisions based on his income. This income didn't include child support payments. So, how can his present family suffer due to this? What kind of court system is this that could make a man do this (sorry, amislander, but this really only applies to a man who is blindsided by support obligations for a child he knew nothing about) to his present family?

Now, Amislander, I don't think that a court in this country should be able to cause financial ruin to any non-custodial parent, mothers included. Why should the custody parent reap all the benefits while the non has to suffer the negative backlash? See, I really am a neutal party and am enjoying the thoughts and opinions from everyone......

[gunsmoke]

No problem here, I got fixed. Woo Hoooo.

[newstart]

Child support is certainly a case by case issue.

A friend of mine had a brief encounter with a woman and she had the child. Two years later after he had taken care of the child since the day she was born and she found out he was involved with someone else (they were no longer together) A woman scorned went and filed for child support said he never did anything for the child and got the maximum she could get. She receives $225 a week for one child, the child is now 8 and he is $22,000 arrears. He has worked to have this reduced but to no avail, so he is supporting the mother of his child and her new husband.

[pink_amulet]

Question:

What if the father doesn't want a relationship with the child? It shouldn't be just the child's best interest to be forced into a relationship with someone.

In my Friend's case, the father didn't want the boy , and he went as far as to tell the court he wanted to sign over his rights, just to get out of paying!!! The court did not like the "disregard" he had toward his child. The court still put though the order for child support,(but the father quit his job) however the court did not enforce visitation, not like the father wanted it anyways. Now I ask you how devastating is that to a child to have to be told that??
In that case it is in the best interest of the child..so heck with the father.

pink

[pink_amulet]

No problem here, I got fixed. Woo Hoooo.

LOL hubby is too now that we are done having childern..LOL


One of the best things he ever did...hee hee!!!

Pink

[lilgoose]

But, what is in question here is why is the father being financially punished for something that he had no idea about? Should he be faulted for not wanting a relationship with the child?

[edwards2]

My husband and I went through some of the same problems with his child support payments to his ex. She slept around and he caught her but would not drag her name through the mud in court for the sake of the kids. That is the kind of person he is. Instead of being grateful she constantly tries to get more money from him. That doesnt last long because she had to go through me and I put my foot down. Then we had another child and built a house in a better neighborhood and she took us to court. We were ordered to pay more but nowhere near what she wanted from us which was as much as she could get. It was still a struggle financially but we made it. I wanted my husband to pay his child support but she should be equally responsible for a portion. We did without - she went on vacations. What is wrong with this picture? She cheats on him and he is made the heavy?? She tried to the very end - when the last son was 18 - to stick it to us but she LOST. Sooner or later justice prevails.