Introduction/Question

[Titan]

Hello, everyone. I have been reading the forums for a couple of weeks, and have decided to come aboard. I have just had an attorney file a Chapter 13 for me this past Friday.

The reason I did a 13 as opposed to a 7 is because I own a car which has too much value left on it to be exempt. It is a 2003 model, and I own it outright. However, it still has a value over $10,000. It is the only thing I own of any real value, and I know that buying a used vehicle would probably cost me more in the long run.

My question is about how those who are single go about their lives while in a Chapter 13. The reason I am asking is because I have an interest in a young lady who I have met at my work (I don't work with her, she's a customer.) There has been flirting back and forth, and she has been very receptive to my attempts at communication.

Should I even bother trying to go out with said female? I know that I won't have much if any discretionary income left, but I also don't want to doom myself to a monk's lifestyle for the next 5 years. I am in my late 30s, and my last relationship ending was the biggest contributing factor to why I am in the Chapter 13 to begin with. That relationship ended a year ago, and I haven't dated since then due to emotional pain as well as relocation.

Thank you in advance for your advice.

[Titan]

Cheap dates is the key. I don't know where you live but a picnic in a park can be very cheap. Cook simple dinners at your home or hers and watch a movie. Dont try to buy expensive gifts....just do what you can and be upfront with her that you barely have any extra money right now. If she only wants your $$ then you'll find out fast and you'll be better of w/o her, then move on to another

Picnics in the park are definitely doable. I live in TN, so there are parks everywhere. Once it warms up, it will be real nice to spend an afternoon in the park.

When you say be upfront, you mean not mentioning the Chapter 13 until a few dates are under the belt and that I am sure that we are going forward with this?

[SinkingFast]

I wouldn't bare my soul to anyone on the first date. Maybe not for a while until I knew where the relationship is headed.

If it's looking serious, then explain your situation to her.

You might try a "light" date to start. Something not so time committed as dinner and a movie. Maybe meet for coffee or a drink and chat a bit the first time. See if you have enough in common to last for a longer period of time, like dinner and a movie.

Lunch could be a good place to start also. Many places run lunch specials that would keep your costs down for the meal.

Or, maybe you have some friends you could drop by their place for drinks or a casual get together. Take the pressure off of it just being you and her to start. See where things lead from there.

Do you have a little street type mall you could visit?? Stroll along and window shop a bit. Maybe with a little coffee shop or cafe where you could stop, get a drink, and chat for a bit??

We have a non denominational Christian coffee shop here where we live that has live groups in on the weekends. It's free to get in, and a couple cappucinos would cost less than $10.

Just about every town we've lived in has had an old movie theatre that runs old classic films for cheap admission prices. Maybe you have one of those available??

It's not what you spend, or where you go, that's important. It's the quality of your time together. If you have fun and enjoy each other's company.

[FilingOnMyOwn]

All depends on if shes the type that can be content with things that don't cost money. Some women expect money to be constantly spent on them. Steer clear of those ones.

[Minnymouth]

The "gold diggers" will put you right back in debt if you will let them........... Their middle name is SPEND.....
Relationships are built on other things, not on what you have and what you can spend on an individual.........

Remember that!!!

[AAAArt]

AMEN to what Minnie said.
Relationships are not about money, they are much more about emotional readiness and compatibility.
Also, a date or two is not a relationship. It sounds to me like you suffer from one of me near fatal flaws of living in the future, rather than enjoying the present. If this woman comes into where you work, she prob. already has a pretty good idea of how much you make...she's still interested...you're interested. Meet for coffee. If it goes well, take a walk afterwards.
Sometime in the first 2-5 dates, history inevitabley comes up. Play it casually at first. "I had a bad experience with my last relationship. I've been paying for it emotionally and financially since. This is the first time I've been out with anyine in a year."
Yes, she may and prob. will ask more questions at this point. Remember that this is part curiosity, part courtesy and part detective work. She's really going to be more interested in knowing if you're over the last person, if your previous relationships ended because you were controlling, abusive, needy, etc. Sooner or later, you have to get brutally honest in a relationship, but later is better for the full details.
Remember, PLEASE...a date does not a relationship make. You may wind up being lovers, you may wind up being friends or you may just wind up as people who passed each other on their journey in life. Whatever, enjoy the moment.
Best wishes, Art

[Minnymouth]

VERY WELL SAID AAAART!!!

[Titan]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have taken in everything that y'all have said and will ask said female for her number and a date. Nothing elaborate, but just a good way to spend time together outside of work. A little getting-to-know-you time without work distractions.

Thank you everyone, I'll keep you posted about what happens.

[SinkingFast]

WooooHoooo!!!

I hope she says YES!!

I hope you show her the time of her life!!

I hope you 2 really enjoy your time together and have FUN!!!