Dysfunctional Stepfamilies on PrimeTime Live

[Minnymouth]

Amislander,
My mom went to Alanon (spelling) meetings the last 2 years my dad was alive... (mom didn't drink-religious).... she should have went to those meeting 33 years sooner...........!!!!!! Would have saved her a lot of grief.....

[AMISLANDER]

Amislander, a man that wants you to drink with him all the time (especially if they are a heavy drinker - beer or liquor) is only trying to cover up his own faults and make you be a part of them. If you drink with him - he has nothing to feel guilty about...........

I'm so glad that you recognize that you might have a problem and that now is the time to get it under control......

You can be as addictive to pepsi, coffee, etc as you can be liquor or beer, their just not behavior altering substances.

We all have our vices that we over extend, whether it be:

cigerettes, liquor or beer, women, men, sex, hobbies, workaholics, gambling etc.

Most of us control our vices, some cannot!! Some have to QUIT COMPLETELY to keep it under control..... some don't.

Minny,

with my bf...it's not about the booze, his past game has been if I get a few drinks in me, I'll give up my ATM card, cash, car...whatever it may be that he needs and then he can go on a mission & get his goodies.

I had to file bk basically because of him...that's past but it still tends to resurface when I look at all I've been through with getting my life back on track since 2003...(regained custody of children, have my own job, have my own car, able to just pay rent/cover bills, and he's been basically unemployed since last October...when I filed...well, I have hope but geeze...enough is enough...again,

because he does have a good heart under all that addiction; I keep that hope....but I do not want to fall down again into that rabbit hole...I spent enough time in Wonderland to not want to wonder about that life anymore.
EEK!!!!

That's why the alanon...I have to give up trying to change him...it's not the booze for him, it's the "C". I have to just do my thing...if he comes around, fine...but by doing things that are good for me, I know I'm making the right choices...

oh, & on the kids, believe me, I've had to leave Walmart when my 2 boys were toddlers...and that was 97-2000...when there was no way you could raise your voice as someone else so wonderfully said, or your hand, or, especially here in FL, HRS is taking your children....And if your neighbors hear you yelling....you know the cops will be there soon, too....it's weird...there is no happy medium anymore....but the footage from that show...it is deserving of a second look...because it was not right how the dad was just verbally abusing the daughter, IMO...

Minny, thanks for your input, it makes my heart feel good!

[Minnymouth]

Amislander,

Try something, KEEP NO CASH AT HOME AND PUT AWAY ATM CARD OUT OF YOUR REACH...... for a while......

Try to control your drinking around him......

When he can't get you drunk and get cash out of you..... see how long he stays and how often he comes back................. YOU JUST MIGHT BE AMAZED!!!

I tell my roommate about her man - STAMP SUCKER ON YOUR FORHEAD, GIRL!!!! When she's with him and runs out of money - he beats her and throws her out!!

I feel sorry for you if you love him..... people do strange things for love!!! But sometimes all the bad in a man or woman outweighs the good..... and the relationship is not worthwhile..... "a good heart" does not make a good relationship...........

Sorry, hope I haven't spoken out of turn.....

Just my thoughts,

Minny

[AMISLANDER]

Amislander,

Try something, KEEP NO CASH AT HOME AND PUT AWAY ATM CARD OUT OF YOUR REACH...... for a while......

Try to control your drinking around him......

When he can't get you drunk and get cash out of you..... see how long he stays and how often he comes back................. YOU JUST MIGHT BE AMAZED!!!

I tell my roommate about her man - STAMP SUCKER ON YOUR FORHEAD, GIRL!!!! When she's with him and runs out of money - he beats her and throws her out!!

I feel sorry for you if you love him..... people do strange things for love!!! But sometimes all the bad in a man or woman outweighs the good..... and the relationship is not worthwhile..... "a good heart" does not make a good relationship...........

Sorry, hope I haven't spoken out of turn.....

Just my thoughts,

Minny

Not out of turn at all...I already took the PIN number off the card...BOA...just a check card at the moment...he couldn't even believe I did that ...talk about dysfunctional?????...I am keeping no cash at home...$5 at most...and obviously can't have a beer either, for the time being...no big deal....I hear you on the bad/good thing...He knows I get paid on Thurs....but....that goes to rent & my hair appointment...it's going to be sorry gone...get a job if you want dinner...

What I realized is that what I encounter everyday is so totally dysfunctional...it's way out there but, I continue to hope it will change ... only thing gonna change is me.....

[Minnymouth]

Set your goals for what "you want out of life" - make you a game plan on how to reach your goals.............. THEN GO FOR IT........

If you yourself, know something is NOT GOOD FOR YOU - then take that "step" to leave it alone or walk away.....

Don't let anyone "drag" you down to their level of living - if that's not where you want to be!!

You only go around "once in your lifetime" - make it the way you want it to be..... don't change your goals or standards for anyone....

Remember - NO ONE CAN CHANGE A MAN OR WOMAN - they have to have the desire to change their own lives....

The saying "between love and hate is a thin line" - is very true!!

My mom spent 35 years "trying" to change a man - found out 35 years was a LONG TIME and DEATH TILL WE DO PART - was even longer!!

35 Years later - SHE GOT HER WISH............. Shame - wasted life!! Left her a bitter, unhappy widow..... felt cheated and was....

Set your goals, make your decisions wisely, have a good life - everyone deserves one!!

Minny
Minny

There are lots of men out there - and one will be Mr. Right somewhere down the road....

I've

[AMISLANDER]

Minny...you are the best! I've told the bf about the fine line...I woke up today feeling so good about the recent decisions w/Alanon...sun is shining & it's going to be a beautiful day...again, thank you! I've just been young & dumb in love, but now it's time to be smart with the love I share!

[Minnymouth]

Now it sounds like your getting on the "right track" -

Good luck - AND YOU GO GIRL!!!!!

[AMISLANDER]

Amislander,

Try something, KEEP NO CASH AT HOME AND PUT AWAY ATM CARD OUT OF YOUR REACH...... for a while......

Try to control your drinking around him......

When he can't get you drunk and get cash out of you..... see how long he stays and how often he comes back................. YOU JUST MIGHT BE AMAZED!!!

I tell my roommate about her man - STAMP SUCKER ON YOUR FORHEAD, GIRL!!!! When she's with him and runs out of money - he beats her and throws her out!!

I feel sorry for you if you love him..... people do strange things for love!!! But sometimes all the bad in a man or woman outweighs the good..... and the relationship is not worthwhile..... "a good heart" does not make a good relationship...........

Sorry, hope I haven't spoken out of turn.....

Just my thoughts,

Minny

Did it this way over the weekend & IT WORKED!

[Minnymouth]

How did he "react" when he couldn't get cash, check, or card????
Has he found a job yet??? Or "still looking"?

Some of the choices we make in life can "bring us down" as well as "brighten our spirits"....

When I was young - it was all given because of LOVE!
Years later it used to be - what can I offer a relationship!
Years passed and it changed to - Okay, I'll meet you halfway!
NOW - it's "what's in it for ME?"

You can only give sooooooo much, and then it get's old!!!

Food for thought,

Minny

[AMISLANDER]

The future's looking brighter this week!

How did he "react" when he couldn't get cash, check, or card????
Has he found a job yet??? Or "still looking"?

Some of the choices we make in life can "bring us down" as well as "brighten our spirits"....

When I was young - it was all given because of LOVE!
Years later it used to be - what can I offer a relationship!
Years passed and it changed to - Okay, I'll meet you halfway!
NOW - it's "what's in it for ME?"

You can only give sooooooo much, and then it get's old!!!

Food for thought,

Minny

Well, he hung out with one of his friends Friday night. This guy is older, wiser, likes to do his own thing & is good for my bf...whatever they did, I didn't worry about nor call...Went out to see a great band friday night with some friends, went bike hunting Sat (a funny long story for later...), beach...Sunday spent with mom...movie...Lucky Number Slevin...which was sold out at the SSFF...and I highly recommend it...cast: Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsly, Lucy Lui, Bruce Willis & Josh Harnett...WOW is all I can say...on the order of THE USUAL SUSPECTS!

He didn't ask for anything...I think he got the message...BUT, he got the call he had been waiting for...he got the landscaping job he had interviewed for a week prior!

THANK GOD!!!!! I will not be sweating bullets anymore!!!!!

Got his own blower, edger, mower...called me at lunch loving it...boy, he got a miracle...I didn't have to be the FBI in regards to when he gets paid, how much he's making, hours....he already confessed everything!!! LOL!
Things are looking up!

[Minnymouth]

Sometimes they get the message, sometimes they don't..............sounds like he DID...... Let's hope so......
Now that he's working again, let him pay his own freight, no need to be asking you for funds......

If he continues with the big "C" - then let it come out of his pocket..... not yours!!!

Word of caution though......... if he's caught with "c" and your with him.... they do take the children in most states and put them in foster care......
In my state all you have to do is be in "possession" of it..... to LOOSE IT ALL--- job, children, etc and get jail time.......

In a recent raid here, one of the girls in my office was in the wrong place at the wrong time, got busted for it.... lost her child to social services, lost her good govenment paying job, and will serve 1-5 for being where the lab was!!!
Hell of a price to pay for a little "C"......... at 31 years of age......

So love him, hope he sees the "light" about some things, and hopefully life can be good for both of you in the future.... his habit, well that's something he'll have to make a decision about in the future...

Minny

[AMISLANDER]

Believe it or not.....

If he continues with the big "C" - then let it come out of his pocket..... not yours!!!

Word of caution though......... if he's caught with "c" and your with him.... they do take the children in most states and put them in foster care......
In my state all you have to do is be in "possession" of it..... to LOOSE IT ALL--- job, children, etc and get jail time.......

In a recent raid here, one of the girls in my office was in the wrong place at the wrong time, got busted for it.... lost her child to social services, lost her good govenment paying job, and will serve 1-5 for being where the lab was!!!
Hell of a price to pay for a little "C"......... at 31 years of age......


I already was with him...back in the day...when we got pulled coming out of a bad neighborhood...obviously were being tracked & I got pulled for speeding and they brought the canine unit in immediately...dog circled 4runner 3x and landed on my bf's door...he had 45 rocks, 3 pipes & one scale...does this sound like a George Carlin monologue??? ...well, it really happend...He ended up going to jail (this was the first of a run of offenses for which he eventually ended up in DOC for 2 years...) my truck got impounded, had to call my dealer for a ride home and get up early to pay the $800 impound fee...if I hadn't have done that my car would have been taken according to the RICO laws...propbably one of the last ones in FL to actually keep a SUV after a bust...anyhow...

During our little "Bonnie & Clyde" run in the game, I did lose custody of my children and then had to go through all the FL HRS b*ll to regain joint custody...kids went back home to my X ...I did what I needed to do at that time to rectify the whole situation...

At the present time, my bf has not been allowed to see the boys since he came home in 2004.

My children are hypersensitive to mold & my xhusband has moved the children out of Florida as everyone in the family has reacted to the mold that occured in the home we originally built...so I do not have that problem to worry about right now.....THANK GOD!!!!!!

[AMISLANDER]

P.s.....

In a recent raid here, one of the girls in my office was in the wrong place at the wrong time, got busted for it....

It is so crooked down here...they raided my home after my bf went to prison....about a year or two late....I had a funny feeling a few days before it happened but at the time...I wasn't doing any substances...

I had an informant in the house as a guest...and god knows, maybe getting back at me for throwing her out of one of my houses before...she tried to bring me down...

3:30 in the afternoon & two vans full of jump out boys with hoods on...they couldn't bring their dogs in because I had a dog...(good point to keep in mind), and they didn't find anything...they didn't really search that hard either...and, they took their hoods off...after they were done...one guy was getting cell phone calls, another, the one that interviewed me who did not take off his mask, looked like my next door neighbor...a total hunk! They had files on us that were 4" thick...one of the warrant officers who I knew from before told me he was proud of me, I looked great and that was the way they wanted me to stay.....

GO FIGURE?????

As they say, many a slip between the cup & the lip...especially with police & drugs in Florida....

[Minnymouth]

Hope you are too the point in your life that all of "that" is behind you!! Unfortunately if you still associate with the same people, then you will be subject to searches, stops and searches, and scrunity. And often you will resort by going back to it... if around it.

My roommate of off and on 3 years is a full blown acoholic and a pill user when she can find them... She says she smokes a little pot (when she doesn't live here), but does not use any of the other stuff. (who knows)....

One thing for sure, it's not allowed in my home...... and if I find out its here, she's outta here.

We have enough trouble with her getting drunk and smoking...... very dangerous..... (can't leave her alone in the evenings, have to take cigs and make her go to bed) otherwise I ship her out to her brothers house if I go out for the evening and take her keys. I make her smoke outside, and I'm a smoker!! She knows the rules - she lights up in the house - SHE MOVES...... (she burnt a hole in my chair arm one evening with her getting drunk and smoking). I've been smoking 40 years and have never burnt a hole in my furniture....

Lots of my friends are users of one thing or another..... everybody has their "vice"! Mine is cigs, and a cold beer now and then! My roommate is hot whiskey straight (lots of it) and diet pills or whatever else she can find. She stays so "wired" even a rock on her head wouldn't slow her down... One of these days she will "blow the top of her head off" with something she takes while drinking.

Hope your life is changing around for you. Life has so much to offer (good things) without all the bad that can destroy life for you......

You have "choices" - you make the "decisions" - that's what I tell my roommate...

Minny

[AMISLANDER]

Hope your life is changing around for you. Life has so much to offer (good things) without all the bad that can destroy life for you......


You know it!!! Well, he's went to his friend's house the other night and didn't come home until real late.....says he learned a lesson; that he can't hang out with this man anymore...he has stopped hanging around most of the "wrong" people...which is a positive step....

My mom wants to put me in her house and one of my friends came up with this plan:

let him keep the rental at the beach & let him pay all the bills there....if he wants to continue with the C then he should stay there and I can live by myself, 5 miles away & stay with him on the weekends...but until he shows responsibility with the job & gets off the C, he needs his own place...I think this is perfect!

I get my privacy, have a home where I can have pets and a pool and he gets the beach pad & turn over the lease ($700 to him)...also, he will have to pay me the security deposit...it will run him about $1000 a month and with a net pay of at least $350/week...he should be able to handle it and live like I do...counting my $$ instead of blowing it on him...thoughts?