Dysfunctional Stepfamilies on PrimeTime Live

[AMISLANDER]

Did anyone see this story w/Dianne Sawyer last Friday night? It's about videos that were shown of a father punching his daughter on live video (which as it turns out, is from 2002)...I watched it for awhile, turned it off, turned back on to continue as my family is now mixed like that...but...and a big "BUT"...couldn't even imagine being a parent of any sort watching a child get abused in such a manner...

As I was driving to work, I listen to the MJ morning show/Florida and they started to discuss the story and how the viewers are calling for the resignation of Dianne Sawyer over this story....Thoughts?

[13inOR]

I saw it, and it was horrible. The dad was bad but that screaming wench of a stepmother was the worst. I didnt come away feeling that Diane Sawyer was to blame though....... thats kind of like shooting the messenger. ????

[SinkingFast]

It's amazing that when those families are out in public you'd never know. They act as normal as any of us do. It's when the doors are closed at home that all this stuff happens.

Diane Sawyer isn't to blame for showing the realities of many families' lives. She didn't do those things. She merely reported it.

I agree. It's like shooting the messenger.

But I doubt the network will fire Diane. She's a lifer. She's got class and style. All those negative calls,.......... Well you know what they say about press. Bad press is better than no press at all. At least your name is out there.

[Minnymouth]

Now tell me!!!

How did they get all this on video without the people knowing the video cameras were there ................ DUH.........

Who allowed them to be installed........ invasion of privacy????

Yeah, many families are dysfunctional families, especially where step children are involved..... Shame....

[13inOR]

UPDATE: Since I posted this morning, I happened to catch an update on GMA
where Diane Sawyer had the stepdaughter, her mom, her grandma, and the 3 professionals that they had view the tapes on the show Friday.
The girl stated that the incident with her dad hitting her was a one-time thing, never happened before, never happened since, and she was saddened by the fact that people were getting the wrong impression of her dad, who she loves. So, hopefully thats the case. With a witchy wife like he had, maybe he just lost it, I dont know.
Anyhow, the only criticism, which Diane requested from the pros, was they said showing violent video like that over and over and over was harmful and traumatizing to viewers. They did state however, that they were glad the show was done, and it needed to be done, they just felt the tape showing was overdone. Diane said "on my honor", that WILL never happen again.
(regarding the over-showing of violent tape footage)
So anyhow, maybe some good came from it.

[edwards2]

Minny - that was going to be my question...what scumbag of a parent would do such a thing much less allow it to be filmed? I cannot watch shows like that because I get too upset. Years ago I watched one of her shows about child care and I cried for days. I even called the network still crying about them airing that show. The lady whom I talked to worked for Sam Donaldson and said she didnt have any input on that particular show but she did apologize that I was so upset and said they would be airing the "good" daycare in Florida the following week. I also called the newspaper in New Orleans where the daycare was located and spoke to the editor. I asked if the people in the town were outraged over the daycare and he said absolutely that the lady had to close it down and that she even went on local tv that night complaining Dianne Sawyer's team was UNFAIR to her...duh...she allowed them to video her daycare which was outrageous. SO long story short any kind of abuse type of story I will not watch. As for firing Dianne Sawyer - I agree why kill the messenger...personally I like her.

[AMISLANDER]

Now tell me!!!

How did they get all this on video without the people knowing the video cameras were there ................ DUH.........

Who allowed them to be installed........ invasion of privacy????

Yeah, many families are dysfunctional families, especially where step children are involved..... Shame....

This was what I was thinking when I was watching...they let the cameras be installed...I think that was mentioned on the show...but did the parents totally forget the cameras were rolling or was this a "intense made up" thing...I know if I knew there were cameras in my home filming me, I'd never be caught with my pants down...unless they thought the cameras were gone at the time of the incident...still...what the father said to the daughter...he called her a "nasty little b*tch" should have never ever been said...it reeks of abuse that's in hiding...

[Minnymouth]

I myself came from a "'very dysfunctional family" - DUH - my folks would have been arrested and put in jail if I was growing up now...........

I loved both my parents (their gone now) but both were abusive in their own way - mom verbally mostly and some physical - dad extremely physical...............

The school system even sent social services to the home for them to explain the bruises on us. And that was 50 years ago.

Don't get me wrong, they didn't break bones, etc, but they sure took the belt/hand/fist to us when they thought it was warranted.

I survived it (forgave but never forgot it) and it caused a lot of bitter feelings between our relationship with our parents as adults.

But I sure wouldn't have wanted it broadcasted on TV..............

Abuse goes on everyday............ most won't report it due to not wanting to get involved with it.

Yes, something needs to be done, many children suffer at the hands of a parent or guardian.......... spousal abuse is rampid also in our nation......

My thoughts,

[AMISLANDER]

homelife/mine

I think most of us do come from dysfunctional families...after reviewing my own situation over the weekend decided to do something else for ME...I went to an Alanon meeting last night.

My father (who died when I was 2.5 was an alcoholic...my mom dealt with that...not a mean drunk but a functioning one...) and my bf's father also...hasn't touched booze in about 10 years...but I live with his son who probably did deal with it & so kind of takes it out on me in different ways...by either getting me to drink with him & then trying to get slick about something he wants..I'm buzzed so I go along or if I don't he starts an argument.

I thought by starting to do meetings that it might help me deal with the whole situation of what I've been through w/substances as well as, since I'm remaining w/someone who's an addict...I will be able to help myself to conqueor my own issues!

[13inOR]

Thats a good idea to go to Alanon, especially if you are involved with an addict. My husband was raised by alcoholic parents, and the effects will be ever present. He realized about 6 years ago that he himself was drinking more than he should, took immediate action, went to outpatient treatment
and has not touched a drop since that day. He was bound and determined
not to follow in his dads footsteps. That I am very grateful for!!

But be sure to get the help you need for your own self too, through alanon.
Believe me I know the problems that a childhood like that can cause later,
and its good to get the support you need.

[SinkingFast]

I had instances, out in public, where I was reprimanding the children when they were younger, and people came up to me and told me to back off. Or I was wrong. Or whatever of their puny little sensibilities had been offended at the moment.

I wasn't yelling or screaming or cursing. Just speaking in a louder than normal tone of voice with, as my one daughter calls it, "intensity" in my voice. The kids understood that Mommie was perturbed and that was the "Listen up! and do what I say!" voice.

One day, daughter and I were walking out of the grocery store. We had a few bags, so I decided we'd carry them. Daughter was 6, maybe 7 years old. She wanted to carry the bag with eggs in it. Just a dozen eggs in the bag. Nothing else. I told her before she took the bag she'd have to be extra careful. Eggs must be handled gently or they will break. Daughter goes skipping along, swinging the bag, I'm getting after her to walk normal and carry the bag gently when she swings the bag, lets go of it and there go the eggs flying. Out on the parking lot of course. And the eggs broke, every one. I was giving her a good what for about lack of responsibility, and that we'd have to buy more eggs to replace those, and that costs time out of Daddy's life to make the money to pay for the eggs, when this woman comes up and tells me I'm being too harsh on my daughter.

I wheeled on that woman, who I was a good 6 inches taller than, and told her in no uncertain terms would she dictate to me how I disciplined my own daughter. The look of horror on that woman's face and how she cowared back from me. I musta looked pretty scarey.

But I had had it!! We don't beat our children. We don't verbally abuse them with threats and dirty language and berate them. But we do have a tone of voice that the kids know we mean business. We try to teach them to be responsible, mannerly, good citizens. Your Yes means Yes and your No means No. You say you'll do something you stand by it. You damage someone's property, you take care of it. That their actions have consequences, and what some of the consequences are. Like in the case of the eggs, daughter had thrown away time from Daddy's life that we cannot buy back. The money spent to replace those eggs could have been used to buy something else we need.

And because we have worked so hard to raise good kids, we haven't had to deal with the police. Because our son never went out and played a little "rural baseball league" with mailboxes. That's smashing mailboxes with ball bats. Never made Chlorox and Draino bombs that he tossed in people's mailboxes. Or had to bail a child out for petty theft from a store. Or have a child with a drug or alcohol abuse problem. Or, Or, Or,.......... We have good kids who choose to hang out with good kids. And yes, they are not perfect, and do make a dumb decision from time to time, but by and large, they do the right thing most of the time.

[jane taylor]

I mentioned in one of my posts that my family put the fun back in dysfunctional!! I am also an adult survivor of abuse, emotional and sexual abuse; the latter at the hands of many including family. I have always tried to medicate myself with food, shopping, relationships, and at one time too much alcohol. When I saw the same destructive patterns of interaction going on in my own family, I knew that no amount of therapy, groups, self-books, etc. could take the place of me making a conscious decision to do the "next right thing."

My parents would probably be in jail, too, in today's society, but I've learned to forgive and am working on forgetting. No reason to hang on to the past only to learn from it.

Edwards2, I'm with you. I get very upset if I watch something like that, too! I try and stick to the lighter side, especially going through all of this!

jane

[13inOR]

Edwards and Jane, My husband CANNOT watch anything like that at all, even families scrapping on a sitcom he cannot handle. It just makes him a wreck.
Too close to home, I guess?

[AMISLANDER]

Thats a good idea to go to Alanon, especially if you are involved with an addict. My husband was raised by alcoholic parents, and the effects will be ever present. He realized about 6 years ago that he himself was drinking more than he should, took immediate action, went to outpatient treatment
and has not touched a drop since that day. He was bound and determined
not to follow in his dads footsteps. That I am very grateful for!!

But be sure to get the help you need for your own self too, through alanon.
Believe me I know the problems that a childhood like that can cause later,
and its good to get the support you need.

It's like the minute I have a drink, he (boyfriend) gets this look on his face...always telling me I'm drunk when...I'm like, c'mon, I've had two drinks...give me a break...but maybe there's a lot he hasn't told me about his relationship w/father that ring a bell in re to alcohol...yet...may also contribute to his addiction w/the big "C".....hmmm...I may be on to something...will keep up the meetings!

[Minnymouth]

Amislander,

My dad was an alcoholic and yes it can be heriditary...... My brothers and I both have a taste for the "juice".....
But we don't consider ourselves alcoholics. We drink in moderation - a beer once in a while mowing.... a social drink with friends.... We do not drink alone, nor do we drink to solve our problems.....
We set our limits and stick to them................. and often don't even drink at all when others are drinking...
I have a roommate that drinks a pint a day of hard liquor (straight)- sometimes more! She has to get to the pass-out stage before she will lay it down or I take it away from her. She is a true alcoholic!!!!!! Works everyday - sucks that bottle every nite and all weekend long!
Why do I put up with her - SHE'S HOMELESS - and I have a soft spot in my heart! She has stayed with me off and on for 4 years now. When she's mad at her boyfriend (bootlegger) or he beats the hell out of her, she comes and stays with me. She knows she's SAFE at my house. He is afraid of me!!! First time I ever met him I told him I would cut his XXXX's off if he messed with me, and got his attention. So he won't darken my driveway..... or call on my phone.... If he contacts her its thru her work place.
He wants her with him for several reasons:
1. She's good for business - gets drunk, dances for all the men sitting around drinking.
2. She pays all his bills/groceries/etc out of her paychecks. (makes good money)
3. She's there to COOK, CLEAN, SCRUB, AND SCREW AT HIS BEACON CALL.
4. She transports all his liquor and beer so HE'S NEVER CAUGHT bootlegging and hauling it.

She's not a bad person - she's just a person with a drinking problem........ her mother was an alcoholic also and died at 42. This girl is 47 now.

She's a good person, has a big heart, loves children, loves animals, helps the elderly and handicapped, works like a dog everything she does,and you couldn't ask for a nicer person when she's sober. She's a pleasure to be around.

But when shes drinking - the devil himself would hide from her!

When she's at my home, she doesn't drink as much (cause I draw the line on how much she drinks), misses no work, saves her money, and has a life and even now dates other men!!

I'm older than she is, been down the road of life, and know how to handle her from past experiences. She respects that too, and when I say "enough" - its over - she cleans her act up.

I often look at her and I've told her too - that it could be me instead of her in that situation. But I TOOK CONTROL OF THE PROBLEM...... and now liquor is not a problem in my life and hasn't been for 20 years or more......

It's a shame when they only time someone can look at theirselves in the mirror is when their drunk!!

Amislander, a man that wants you to drink with him all the time (especially if they are a heavy drinker - beer or liquor) is only trying to cover up his own faults and make you be a part of them. If you drink with him - he has nothing to feel guilty about...........

I'm so glad that you recognize that you might have a problem and that now is the time to get it under control......

You can be as addictive to pepsi, coffee, etc as you can be liquor or beer, their just not behavior altering substances.

We all have our vices that we over extend, whether it be:

cigerettes, liquor or beer, women, men, sex, hobbies, workaholics, gambling etc.

Most of us control our vices, some cannot!! Some have to QUIT COMPLETELY to keep it under control..... some don't.

Hats off to ya!!!! For seeing the problem, and doing something about it!!

My thoughts,


Minny