Dawn1970
12-09-2004, 07:30 PM
If you can find humor
in anything—even poverty—you can survive it." Bill Cosby
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A Colonel in the Guards was notorious for failing to pay his bills on time, if ever.
One of the debt collection companies was giving him a hard time and inundating our Colonel with letters and phone calls. In exasperation he wrote back:
"Sir,
I feel that I should advise you that my bills go into a hat, and at the beginning of the month, I draw out one and pay it in full.
If you continue to pester me, I shall no longer enter your bill into my hat.
The Debt Collector
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The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'.
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job--if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a .38 gun and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf man replies, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate." The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A pastor of a church was fretting over the fact that church finances were not in the best of shape. So, he stood in the pulpit one morning and said, "To the person that gives the most in the plate as it goes by, I'll let you pick three hymns." The plate was passed around and at the end of the service, the pastor announced, "Sister Campbell, you gave the biggest offering, so you get to pick three hymns." Elderly sister Campbell pulled herself up from her seat, looked around the church, and, pointing, said, "I'll take him, him, and him."
in anything—even poverty—you can survive it." Bill Cosby
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A Colonel in the Guards was notorious for failing to pay his bills on time, if ever.
One of the debt collection companies was giving him a hard time and inundating our Colonel with letters and phone calls. In exasperation he wrote back:
"Sir,
I feel that I should advise you that my bills go into a hat, and at the beginning of the month, I draw out one and pay it in full.
If you continue to pester me, I shall no longer enter your bill into my hat.
The Debt Collector
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'.
Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job--if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over $50,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The Mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is. The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the Mafia drags the guy to an interpreter.
The Mafia hood says to the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs, "Where's the money?" The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about." The interpreter tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The hood pulls out a .38 gun and places it in the ear of the deaf collector. "NOW ask him where da money is."
The interpreter signs, "Where is the money?" The deaf man replies, "The $50,000 is in Central Park, hidden in the third tree stump on the left from the West 78th Street gate." The interpreter says to the hood, "He says he still doesn't know what you're talking about, and doesn't think you have the balls to pull the trigger."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A pastor of a church was fretting over the fact that church finances were not in the best of shape. So, he stood in the pulpit one morning and said, "To the person that gives the most in the plate as it goes by, I'll let you pick three hymns." The plate was passed around and at the end of the service, the pastor announced, "Sister Campbell, you gave the biggest offering, so you get to pick three hymns." Elderly sister Campbell pulled herself up from her seat, looked around the church, and, pointing, said, "I'll take him, him, and him."