I Just Need to Vent

[anonymuse]

I am at wit's end with this Bk stuff and I haven't even started.

I just talked to my neighbor and he sold his place this weekend. (We're in a townhouse--he's a middle unit, I'm an end unit.)

We talked local real estate and were talking about the brand new units being built and how the real estate has been in a lull for over a year.

He bought his place for 100K eight years ago (I bought mine for 110K within two weeks of that.) He had his place appraised 3 years ago and it was $185K, the assessor value last year was $152K, and he just sold it for $155K. I don't have a current assessment and the assessor value last years was $156.

There are brand new units becoming available within months for $169K - $189K. Older units (2-6 years) have been on the market from 6-12 months and range from $155K - $195 (that one is totally ridiculous).

I don't see how anyone could possible justify a value on a home right now! And if I get a PITA trustee, they could totally fight any value.

I'm just an emotional wreck (my back is killing me and I'm having an outpatient surgical procedure next Friday.)

How do you guys get through the times when you want to pull your hair out and scream and cry??? I really don't have much of a support system since no one in my family except my father knows that I'm even going to file BK, and basically I feel like I commute, work, than sleep and that's it.

[debtisbad]

anon,

I am right there with you. I really do not know how I make it through the day sometimes. I just take it little by little. I talked to my mom this afternoon and she was saying "lets go to Atlanta and go to the new aquarium, and all, just use your credit card". I don't even have a credit card right now! She does not know about my BK. She and my dad found out my husband filed about 3 years ago and now they think he is the scum of the earth. He had lost his job and was unemployed for a long time. He is also a compulsive spender, which is what helped get me in trouble. I just hope someday this all goes away. I agree with you about the real estate. I have posted this before, I don't know how anyone can value real estate these days.

[anonymuse]

I bet if I brought three appraisers in I could easily have a $20K range in values.

[SinkingFast]

Well, don't spend any money to start with. Call 3 Real Estate agents from 3 different offices/companies. Act like you're gonna sell your home and ask them for a Current Market Analysis. REA's get pretty close to what appraiser's values are. And, the REA's will give you the cost analysis sheet as well. If you take a full price offer, they'll itemize and deduct all the fees for selling and closing, take out your mortgage, and show you what your anticipated net proceeds will be.

Neat little trick to get the info you want for free.

[Minnymouth]

How do you deal with the frustrations of BK?

Well, me, I got on this forum, asked questions, talked about my feelings and VENTED A LOT Sure helped me.................

Bankruptcy is very hard to deal with emotionally, mentally, financially, and physically..... IT REALLY UN-NERVES YOU................. and once you start the process ITS ON YOUR MIND 24/7.................. it takes over!!

You loose all control over your life it seems and your FATE is in someone else's hands till the bankruptcy process is over..... That in itself is very frustrating..... waiting to see what that Trustee will do.................

So having problems dealing with it.................CHAT WITH US......BREATH DEEPLY AND CALM DOWN............. YOUR NOT ALONE.......... THERE ARE "MANY" IN THE SAME POSITION AS YOU ARE........... AND WE ALL STICK TOGETHER TO SURVIVE....

Minny

[no_it_all]

How do you guys get through the times when you want to pull your hair out and scream and cry???

Beer..lots of beer.....

[jane taylor]

Sorry to hear that you're having a rough time, Anonymuse! This has been a horrible week here. My son lost his temper in school on Monday and started yelling and cursing and yesterday he skipped a couple of classes. We are having him tested for drugs although in my heart of hearts do not think that is it. I am blaming myself for my past spending problems, job loss, marital problems, etc. and believe that my son is acting out because he is angry with my husband and me, mostly me.

Didn't mean to steal a thread. This has NOT been a good week.

jane

[SinkingFast]

Beer..lots of beer.....

And DRUGS!!

Xanax works for me!

See your health care professional, AKA Doctor, and get what's right for you!

[debtisbad]

Jane,

I hope things get better for you. Maybe your son is just having a tough time with other issues. Girls, perhaps? Who knows what is in the minds of teenagers today. My son freaks out at watching the news. I try to limit it, but mil moved in with us and all she wants to do is watch cnn. Sounds like alot of us have major stress going on. I think it is due to societal pressures that we have to somehow be "perfect". You know perfect daughter, perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect employee, and ect. Too much, when you really think about it. I feel like the lady with the scarlet letter plastered on her. Nobody knows I filed BK, but I feel it myself. Hope all turns out for the best with your son!

[debtisbad]

And sinking fast, pass me a xanax.....please LOL!!!!!

[jane taylor]

Thanks! Make mine a double--LOL!

jane

[SinkingFast]

I'm just an emotional wreck (my back is killing me and I'm having an outpatient surgical procedure next Friday.)

How do you guys get through the times when you want to pull your hair out and scream and cry??? I really don't have much of a support system since no one in my family except my father knows that I'm even going to file BK, and basically I feel like I commute, work, than sleep and that's it.

BK isn't the kind of thing you discuss with the neighbors over the fence in the back yard. That's for sure.

We were stuggling to find an attny. I was having panic attacks again. It was time for a routine Doctor's check up for my blood pressure. I knew I needed to get a script for Xanax again. But it's a new doctor. Not like dealing with the old family doctor who'd known us for years. So I just blurted it all out to the doctor. What was going on. Why I needed the Xanax. I even asked him if he knew any BK attnys while I was at it! Talk about looking like an A$$ at the doctor's office. But the doctor was very nice about the whole thing. Even gave me the name of his personal attny. Said call her for referrals. Which I did, BTW.

Sometimes, things just gotta give. The people you tell just gotta get over themselves. If they can't or won't then they just gotta get outa your life.

The only people who know about our BK are our families. And except for Mom, who lives with us, no one lives close by. They're all long distance.

Our kids are living with this and not telling anyone. And dealing isn't all together easy for them. Everytime a teacher at school says, "We're gonna have a <<insert activity here>> and I need to collect <<insert $$ amount here>> from everyone, the girls just cringe. They will be Seniors in the Fall. At our old school the photo company that shoots all the kids for the yearbook took head shots of the Seniors for the yearbook as well. I paid an extra $10 to have son's Yearbook pic airbrushed and touched up so he'd look nice. Not here. You have to go to a photo studio and have your pics submitted from there. Thank Goodness, one photo studio has a deal with the school. For a nominal fee, they'll shoot several head shots, and pick the best for the yearbook. No sitting fee. No buying pics.

And pics are just the beginning with Seniors. Theres gonna be Graduations Announcements orders coming in the fall. And of course, you gotta buy the cap and gown these days. And all the other Senior "it adds up to money" fallderah. I just know it. And that's all when our auto insurance and renter's insurance premiums are coming due. Which we haven't been able to set aside for because of attny's fee, and BK filing fee, and moving expenses,......... security deposit, utilities deposits, you name it.

And it won't quit Freaking raining here!!

[anonymuse]

And DRUGS!!

Xanax works for me!

See your health care professional, AKA Doctor, and get what's right for you!

Already on Lamictal and Celexa, and I rarely drink.

They really need a don't-give-a-frick pill, or something to give temporary selective amnesia so you can just forget about this stuff for a few hours a day.

[nervousSC]

I have to say that this BK is absolutely consuming every facet of my life. I'm taking Wellbutrin...maybe I should switch or get something else...I have Ambien for sleep. The only person I have to talk to about this is a friend from college who filed for 7 years ago and we can only IM each other b/c we're on opposite sides of the country. I have my 6 y.o. but obviously not a good idea to talk around her...she repeats and catches on to everything, so I have to hide this at home. I wouldn't dream of telling my parents they would be so utterly disappointed, they would be devastated. So I'm basically keeping everything inside and sometimes I just really want to scream.

Whew....thank you!

[bkbiker]

Wow, what a strong and potent thread this is, I can cry and identify with all of us.

My bankruptcy chapter 13 now almost 5 years old for me, seems like it will never end, but there is a little light at the end of the tunnel now, I do know the end is near!

Plan and schedule a 4 hour slot of free time for yourself, away from the madding crowd.
Go do something for you, dinner and a movie if you can afford it, parks and museum are nice and usually free, a walk, a run, or a bike ride on a trail; if you need sleep than do that. If you stay home on your free time do something different (house cleaning, and other chores are a no - no) Think of things that you really enjoy doing and plan it during your free time. Make this free time a part of every week (3 times a weeks if you can swing it) if you are married, than your spouse should have the same free time, this should also improve you relationship.

I am sending everyone much warmth, happiness, and prosperity, and will hold you in the light as you go through this journey; know that you are not alone

Take care,
bkbiker