Did you tell your kids???

[doingpoorly]

I was just reading another thread where justplaintired said that a story had to be made up as to why he/she was so excited when he/she received good news in regards to his/her bk.
This got me to wondering how others are dealing with their children.
Did you tell them you are filing for bk or do you plan to tell them or are you keeping it from them?
I have two older teens and there is no way that I could to hide it from them if I wanted to keep it private. There are just to many conversations and preparation that I am doing for them to not catch on. Besides, I hope that after watching their parents go through this may make them make better decisions than we did.
What did you do? Did you tell the kids?

[eddiep]

I told my kids too they were 15 and 17 when we decided to file. I see it as a positive thing, we were in rough shape financially and the kids knew it so it was a relief for them as well. We just filed this month but the stress level is definately better already.

[Trixie007]

We told our kids - also teenagers. We've always been fairly open about money - at least as far as was reasonable to help them learn and figure out this thing called life.

[BkinTX]

Mine are 6 mos, 2, 8, and 12. I told the 8 year old we would be getting a less expensive vehicle that might not be as cool as the one we have. The twelve year old I actually explained it all too.

I think it's a useful lesson for them and I know they already see the difference in how we handle our finances -- what and how we purchase (or don't purchase).

[jb300]

I told my kids, both in their twenties but I didn't tell my mom. I would get a lecture, she is in her 70's and I didn't want to hear it. Now whether one of my kids will mention it to my mom I don't know, but I am not telling her at least until it is over.

[Naomi]

My son just turned 10 so I don't really get into too many details.
We're not going to file until Jan or Feb so don't really have much to tell yet anyway.

[tinfoilhat]

My parents filed chapter 13 back in the 80's. I never knew, my mom came to me one day and said we have to move. I said why! (they had the house custom built when we moved to FL)
That really sucked for a lack of a better word.
My mother passed away almost a year ago and I've been going through old boxes and paperwork, I literally just found this out when I found the bk papers 3 weeks ago.
I never knew they filed bk 26 years ago.

I don't really think I would understand what it meant back then without a long explaination.

[MrSmithster]

mine are 11/12, single dad. i didnt tell them. i dont feel my problems should be a worry to them. im the only stable thing they have as my ex/their mom took off. under different circumstances i might

[JRScott]

If you want to prevent your kids from repeating the same mistake, then it is your duty to sit them down and explain on a level their age can understand what has happened, what steps you are taking in bk to help, and what you will all have to do in the future to prevent such hardship again, otherwise you condemn them to repeat the past.

(My dad had bankruptcies in the 1970s and another in the 1980s, he like many people of his generation did not talk to us kids about the finances. Though he thought he was protecting us, he really did us a great disservice in not including us in the discussion and helping us understand so we could plan better for our own futures. Remember you are a family and the family is the basic building block of society, it works best when all family members are aware of where you've been, where you are, and where you are going.)

[Amy26]

I think it is important to explain to the kids what is going on and then definately lead by example going forward to show how you are going to do it differently. I don't have any children myself but I speak coming from a child's perspective of their parents.

My parents did a terrible job with regard to teaching me about finances. My parents filed bankruptcy twice when I was growing up. The first time they did it I think maybe I was too young to really understand what it meant...then the second time they did it was more apparent. My parents were horrible with money and my father was constantly sneaking away with me to "buy things that we're not gonna tell mommy about till she gets the credit card bill". I was raised believing that credit was a good thing and if you got in trouble just file bankruptcy and make it go away... lol.

So, when I got out on my own at 18 I already a credit card and just was living life the way my parents did. I always thought I was much better at it than they were .... they constantly begged me for money through my adult life.

I have definately learned my lessons and DO NOT want to ever go through it again...but I think if my parents had been better at teaching me the value of money and really changed their ways after they filed for bankruptcy, I would have had a better foundation.

My parents are very young, they are only in their 50's and we're 19 years apart in age. And I'm now facing how the heck I'm going to support them when they get old. They have absolutely no savings, no pensions and not even their own home. My mother has never worked a day in her life, so she can't even get retirement.

My husband and I are trying to have a baby now... so I certainly hope I can be a better parent than mine were.

[badkarma]

Yes we've told our two oldest...12yr and 13yr. The two youngest are only 2yr and 4yr. Sat oldest down told them everything,but we haven't told any family especially our parents it would be a never ending story from them. Told the kids not to say anything to family or their freinds. We have talked to our friends that have gone through this though,
our stress level is still pretty high along with our guilt from having to do this

[aces67]

My kids are 2 and 8. My 8 year old has ADHD. He talks non stop and doesn't always think about what he's saying before he says it so we didn't tell him. If we had told him everyone would know by now.

[RackingJ]

Mine are 6 mos, 2, 8, and 12. I told the 8 year old we would be getting a less expensive vehicle that might not be as cool as the one we have.

My daughter is 6 and that's what we did with her too. I told her we'd be getting a smaller, cheaper vehicle because mommy isn't working now and by not having a big car payment it would allow me to find a PT job when she starts school so I'd be able to pick her up from school instead of sending her to after school care. She seemed to think that was a good trade off. LOL

[music12]

i think to tell kids they need to already have some serious maturity. first, it's very hard to understand. second, there is a stigma about it still. third, you don't want them repeating it to their friends and end up being possibly laughed at in school. fourth, if you tell them about it and then tell them to keep it a secret, they will feel the stigma just because they are not supposed to tell.

i am not speaking from personal experience, but i think telling the kids should wait until they are at least 18 if not 20 or even college graduates. that doesn't mean you can't educate them on finances.

[frogger]

Our kids are all in their 20's and they all know what is going on. They are very supportive and wonder why we did not plan this earlier.