It's so stressful

[chloe0724]

I feel so guilty about the entire bankruptcy thing. I though I would feel better because we are doing a chapter 13, so atleast they will get some money back, but nope. I am so stressed out everyday.

I work in the finacial industry, which makes things even more stressful. I talked with my HR dept and because I am ultimalty filing due to my husbands medical issues, they are ok with it. I feel like such a deadbeat. I'm supposed to be money savy. I even make a good salary. I see it everyday that we raise credit limits and approve people for super high cc limits. It's like an invitaion to become enslaved. Well I fell for it hook line and sinker.

Sorry for the rambeling, but I can't talk about this with many people. Thank the lord I found this board!!

[parsoc48]

Chloe, it's a legal process by which you can recover and help your family...as I've heard many people say "it's a business decision", take the emotion out of it. But I DO know what you're feeling, believe me! It just comes to a point though that "it is what it is", and you do what you have to do and get on with your life. Hopefully you learn from the experience and make better decisions in the future.
I was hoping for a C7 but have to do a 13, and am not looking forward to the next 5 years. Although, as my sister pointed out, we will then be debt free and we will have learned to live within our means.
Good luck to you and good luck to your husband, health issues are really tough.

[Phillymanhere]

I'm glad you've found this board. You can get some support here.

I can understand the feeling like a deadbeat ... I had a moment of that. But here's the thing: you KNOW you're not a deadbeat, whatever that means. The fact that you're writing here agonizing on this board shows how seriously you take your debts and duties.

Here's the thing. "Deadbeat" is a word that may need to be unpacked, or deconstructed, as the English profs say. If you include hard-working, well meaning people with husbands who have major medical bills as part of your class of "deadbeats," then it seems to me, you've got an overly broad definition of deadbeats.

So perhaps you can cut yourself some slack and realize you are part of the wonderful world of imperfect humanity. Welcome, we all are. And just because you work in finances doesn't mean all that much .... You think doctors are in better health than non-doctors? ...

You're human; humans have bad things happen to them sometimes. Humans sometimes do stupid things (along with incredibly wonderful things). Maybe when our financial situation looks really good, it's easy to forget these things. But yes, even middle and upper-middle-class hard-working Americans are human and will sometimes fall into financial hard times.

So cut yourself some slack. See if you can re-focus that guilt into planning how you and your husband will recover and build your savings and prepare for retirement, etc.

Finally, speaking of being a "deadbeat," ... do you think any of those credit card companies or hospitals will agonize and feel guilty when they hit hard times and go to court for bankruptcy relief? ... Not for a moment. Bk is totally legal. And there is a reason it's in the law. It wasn't written for "deadbeats." It was written into the law for the overall good of the economy and because it's designed to reduce the suffering of people like you.

Good luck ...

[chloe0724]

Thanks so much Phillyman....

You are great at putting things into perspective!! I love how you compared a doctors health to being a doctor. I know so many that smoke!!

I am going to try and stop agonizing over it everyday and put a plan in place for us to be happy in the future!!

[One Half Full]

I agree w/ Phillyman. People tend to lump all people into one category simply because people are fairly lazy when it comes to "categorization." Now, I am sure that real "dead beats" do exist, but I don't think most people really think of you in that category. One thing I just told someone else is that this can be as public or private as you, yourself make it. The least amount of people who know, the less people will be able to think that you are "something or other."

It is true that you need to become mentally tough to do this. It is a business decision, like they say. Instead of laying off workers and relocating because they are not profitable, you are dismissing your creditors.

I know that I could have gone on and suffered, working like a slave to pay my debts with no retirement income and no joy in my life, or I could do this. That's all I think about.