We filed last week

[DaisysMom]

Beterlife13, this is a wonderful resource. Be it wanting info or just venting. There are so many folks here who can identify with you and what you are going through and survived.....and I mean SURVIVED WELL!!

I can honestly say that I wept alot too, but not about filing. It was before I found this site and thought my life was over as far as being financially free and secure. I was so dragged down by the thought and guilt of being in financial prison for the rest of my life that I became depressed and had no hope for my future. This site literally changed that!! I started reading and learning and now here I am...on the other side, experiencing my new start. It's wonderful.

That is where you also have to get too. Your experience getting there will be different than mine and the others on here, but the end result will be the same. And it is wonderful. Persevere!!!

{{{HUGS}}}

DM

[rustymich]

I dont feel so bad now seeing others weeped Im a grown man and the stress was unbearable at times,,,Two years past now.Dont worry what others think they dont support you!!!!Only family and survival matters it will get better

[mknolan]

I am so sorry!! I used to live in a small town in upstate NY, the local newspaper also published Bk, property tax arrears etc. I realize it is a matter of public record but geez don't they have anything more newsworthy!! Hold your head high...this economy has been a challenge for even the wealthy!! I worried and had many sleepless nights up until my 341- when I left the 341, I felt like I could breath for the first time in months...I sobbed all the way back to where I parked my car. I am just a few days from day 60 and life is good!! I had never missed a payment on any of my bills but it became more and more difficult to juggle...Bk certainly was a last resort and a humbling experience. In hind site I am glad I made the decision to file and am enjoying my fresh start!! If it had not been for this forum, all of the helpful info and support I never would have made it through the unknown!! I told no one that I filed...thankfully I live in a big city now so no fear of the info getting out!! Hang in there...this too shall pass!!

[dgifta]

Hi Betterlife. I'm sorry for what you're going through. I went through a similar process; self employed, in business successfully for 30 years, business destroyed by the economy, used my retirement account and credit cards to stay afloat. It's an increasingly common story, and it's awful.

I wish I had BKed sooner and saved my retirement account. Other than that, there are things we have no control over, and the economy is one.

The newspaper thing is really painful and unfortunate. It's shameful enough to do this measure of last resort, without also having to have it announced to the world. Can you call the newspaper andask them to not include you?

Things will get better, they have for me. The economy is improving, and you'll have no debts. It will be a fresh beginning. Try to go easy on yourself. Learn from this without beating up on yourself, you don't need that.

The BK process itself, for me, was fairly straight-forward and easy. I found a good attorney at a reasonable price ($900), filled out the forms, and went to the 341 meeting of creditors. I was dreading it. No one showed up to dispute anything, which my attorney said was typical, the trustee was a nice man, and it took about 3 minutes, which is what I was told it would take. The questions
the trustee asked were simple and easy to answer. The feeling I got was that no one was trying to trip me up or catch me cheating. It felt more like everyone understood how bad the economy was (is) and was attempting to help people out. After the 341 meeting there was a 60 day waiting period, and it was over. It's was almost anti-climactic in it's ease.

I wish you the very best, many here, including myself, are more than happy to provide support, information, etc.
Dennis

[bookworm]

For me, the sleepless nights ended with the 341. I felt a little better then, but once the sixty days were up, and I got my discharge notice, that's when I really felt like I could breathe again. You may not see it now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, it's just that the road to easy street runs through the sewer. Just take it one day at a time, and know you're among friends here.

[betterlife13]

Thanks everyone for the replies! What is the saying, something like "anything that doesn't kill me just makes me stronger?" The situation is definitely putting me us to that test!

As for the "home visit" by the second mortgage, it was a violation of the FDCPA(?) for them to speak to our son without our permission, so we will keep our eye on them, so as to speak, and will not hesitate to report them to the court if they do anything further that is prohibited.

Yes, the newspaper deal makes me want to move thousands of miles away... they indicate that they list all creditors who have greater than 10% of liabilities, and also list that a Chapter 7 is a total liquidation and that all of the assets (which they list, by the way...) will be auctioned or otherwise sold to pay the debts... argh...

To all who are going through this -- we will make it!! To those who have been there and shared hope -- thanks so much (and hugs back!! ...) -- I know there are better days ahead, but the journey is just pretty rotten!

[TXskyblue]

Wow, the paper publishes BK info. It's public information, but still.

Never heard of them coming to your house like that before.

I don't have an answer for when the sleepless nights stop. I have my 341 in a few weeks. I have a feeling that I won't feel normal until I get the discharge and the case is closed. In your case, that's probably about 90 days away.

[DaisysMom]

Like Angelina said, "It does get better." I know it doesn't look like it right now, but time will go by and things will be much better when this is over. As for your local paper reporting all of the BK filings as well as all of the particulars is horrible. I am sorry you have to go through that. Just remember though, even though it is a difficult process, the end result is wonderful when you get going on your new start.


Praying for the best for you!!

DM

[AngelinaCat]

Hi Betterlife and Idjut:

It does get better, but you likely won't see it at the time. We didn't realize our 'better' until well after we were discharged, and the a******* that filed the AP against us, was history.

All you can do is just take one day at a time--and sometimes it devolves down to taking one minute at a time. It WILL get better.

{{{{{HUGGS}}}}}} to both of you!

[Idjut]

Hope things get better for you. I have tears in my eyes reading this, because no one understands the emotional turmoil of this situation unless they go through it for themselves. I wake up in the middle of the night with terrors and panic so bad my entire body aches. Everyone says it will get better, so I give myself little things to look forward to, and just take it one step at a time. ((hugs))

[betterlife13]

We filed at the end of last week -- we were hoping to put it off a bit longer, but after my son was accosted by a representative from our second mortgage company who came to our home while we were at work, asked for us, and then proceeded to tell him we were late on our mortgage, and then handed him a piece of paper with the "this is an attempt to collect a debt" language , we decided we should go ahead. I have never heard of this, especially when someone is not quite 3 months behind... It was pretty disturbing, and my son gave the guy my husband's cell number. He never got a call, but we did get a letter a week later saying they were about to begin foreclosure proceedings.

A couple of people I am close to have gone through this, and they both said that we would feel such "relief" when we finally filed. Oddly, I don't feel any relief, just sadness and panic - the latter largely due to the fact that we will be giving up our home, and do not know where we will be going, nor when we will need to do so. We're in a non-judicial foreclosure state, and our attorney tells us that the soonest they could begin foreclosure would be August, with a sale in September, though I know it could be longer.

The big hurdle now is that I need to tell my boss at the small company where I work. Our local paper in the semi-small community where we live believes that bankruptcy is "news" and publishes weekly bankruptcy filings including the name, address, total debt, type of debt, etc. in the paper. I have a good relationship with my employer, who also lives in the same community, and I do not want him to read about it in the paper vs. my telling him about it beforehand. I think it is terrible that this can't be our business, and that we cannot choose to tell who we want to tell and instead all our friends, neighbors and co-workers will see it in print. Not to mention the published foreclosure notice in the future, but those don't stick out the same way they publish the bankruptcy filings...

Sorry for the vent - but this really stinks... We have had perfect credit and always paid our bills on time for over 20 years. The economy tanked, my husband's business began failing, some customers walked on rather large bills with us, and we propped his company and ourselves up with credit cards and 401k withdrawals (stupidest move ever...), so here we are. I know it will get better, but to those who felt the same way I do right now - how long did the "funk" and sleepless nights go on?

Thanks as always for the great folks on this forum who have been so awesome about sharing your time and knowledge!