Not a rhetorical question

[PacificBlue]

Thanks Nickifan!

It really can't be said enough.. FIND THE LAWYER THAT WILL FIGHT FOR YOUR EVERY DIME AND DEDUCTION!

The test's that I had done on Thursday, several biopsies were taken. I wont know until next week what was in them. The surgeon did say nothing "jumped out at him" (that's always good news) but there is an area that he didn't feel great about, so he wants a lab report. He did say, that area might be abnormal due to the amount of radiation treatments I had in when the cancer was first found.

I'm not as brave as I sound at times being faced with my situation, trust me I love life and want to live a healthy long one. I will fight, fight, fight this with all I can, but I am at peace with the one day I may lose that fight. For me, it will be just over, but for my wife and family, it will be the beginning of a healing process that is long and hard. (I had family members pass, and you never really get over wanting to see them but one more time).

[nickifan]

I pray you get some good news after tomorrow's tests.

I can't imagine the stress you are under, not only dealing with health issues, but also bankruptcy at the same time.

What I thought too after reading your posts. I'm unemployed and probably will file for Ch 7...but at least...for now...I have my health. I feel so overwhelmed as it is...I can't imagine also dealing with the possibility of death. And your "guilt" about what it all means for your wife.

You interviewed TEN lawyers?? Yikes...I've done three and though I like the last one I keep thinking I should interview a few more...but it's quite enervating and churns up the stress anew.

I'll send good thoughts your way too. Please keep us posted.

[PacificBlue]

Thanks Forgotten!

I'm sure there are going to be more ups and downs of it all (it isn't suppose to be easy from what I read), but we are going in the right direction with the right lawyer. Its when we first started our search, and what was being said to us by lawyers that made it more stressful then what it really needed to be. Things would have been so much better (but it's okay now) had the lawyer we are going with, been the first one we called.

[forgotten]

Where we were told by nine others what we want is the impossible mission, this one told us he looks forward to getting us what we need. It maybe a battle and may have to go before a judge, but at least he is willing to give it his all.

I am so glad to hear that. I hope you can get this financial stress off your back so you can concentrate on the much more important health issues.

[PacificBlue]

Thank you LALADY and may God bless you too!

It truly looks as though the lawyer we are handing our paper work into next week will be the one that will do the best for us. Where we were told by nine others what we want is the impossible mission, this one told us he looks forward to getting us what we need. It maybe a battle and may have to go before a judge, but at least he is willing to give it his all.

I don't fear going before a judge with my case. It maybe a little extra stress, but asking for the right to receive ALL the medical attention I need to live a longer life, shouldn't be an impossible mission.

[LALADY]

Hi PacBlue. I'll keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers, too. May your attorney be the best that money can hire so that you can focus on what is truly important--your health and the future welfare of your family including your pets. God bless you.

[PacificBlue]

Thank you SunShineGal!

My wife tells me I carry on to much and I really missed my calling in life. (she always has a "you should have been a ______. depending what I'm carrying on about). It's a standard joke with us.

While at the attorneys yesterday the biggest surprise was (after giving him all the info about are case and the cancer) when he asked if I would allow him to pray for me. I said something like, lets pray together. ("when ever two or more of you are gathered in his name").

When your doctors tell you your days are numbered, and show you a scale what to expect and when, and the "no known cure" you have to turn it over to a higher power. (if you believe you are doomed you are). When I pray, I mostly pray that my wife be able to handle anything thing that is in store for me. (and my children, both the 2 legged ones and our three 4 legged ones).

Of course I ask for longer life, and better health, but... some times it doesn't go that way. What makes me feel better and maybe a more realistic approach to it is, simply asking that the ones I leave behind are okay.

[SunshineGal]

Hi PacificBlue,

I just wanted to tell you your post really touched me. I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.

[PacificBlue]

Thanks Forgotten.

We did kind of touch on that yesterday. My wife is the bread winner in our family, and it sort of ties together. If I become more sicker, then she has to take time off work to help in care it becomes a loss of income due to the circumstances. (there are times when I think if I had a health insurance policy I would........... ... well never mind.) It hurts me to know she is suffering through all this, and could end up alone with everything to deal with.

Facts are your 2nd round with cancer are sometimes double the cost of what the first round was. (depends on many factors). The longer you are battling it, the more it cost. I want to beat it, I want to win the war, not just the battles.

My battle scars are life long, and the side effects will last til I'm not longer here. The extra expense per month alone (even if it had not come back) are pushing over $400 a month that insurance does not cover.

I know we are not the only couple in the world to experience such a life changing event (or a single person). When we are in the waiting room at the cancer treatment center waiting my turn, the room is always full. (about 200 chairs in the waiting room). You see the faces of these people and the different levels of their situation. It's heart breaking and devastating to see, let alone be a part of. (I'm getting off the subject now so I will stop).

[forgotten]

I have an idea to throw out there...

See if you can get your lawyer to argue extenuating circumstances to allow you in to a 7. Is it likely you may not be able to work the next 5 years, or that your medical expenses are so high and variable that it is more than likely every penny of your current DMI will go toward future medical payments in the next 5 years?

Worst case you loose the argument and convert to a 13. That may get you more legal fees however.

[PacificBlue]

Thanks JEM. There are just days when it all comes crashing down at the same time. The up's and downs of trying to do the right thing, trying to do the best thing, and trying to live as normal life as possible, is difficult to say the least.

Where I don't feel as bad as I thought we would is towards the CC companies. I don't blame them for our mess, just adding such expenses and rates when we have never even been late on a payment. (Not to mention, the timing couldn't have been any worst, as that's the same time the cancer came back).

Talking with the lawyer yesterday made us feel a lot better. We believe he (one out of 10 we spoke with) will aid us through this. We got our packet from him and will fill in all the blanks and meet again next week or so. The stress relief of that helps, but it's not over, til its over we know.

He said, there are hardship cases and we certainly qualify for it. Just running the numbers (and what he included) on a rough is very livable if we go a 13. But... a 7 isn't totally out of the question. When we get more precise on our numbers next week we will know.

He did say, a retainer is due when we come back with our paper work. I said, and it will be paid AFTER viewing our expenses and giving us the numbers. I offered to pay for that hour, or how ever long it takes, and he said no, after is fine.

Hungry in the pacific northwest. (after my 3:30 test today, I'm going to the first Carl's Jr I see and get the biggest hamburger on the menu, and yeah.. I want fries with that!

[JEM]

I pray you get some good news after tomorrow's tests.

I can't imagine the stress you are under, not only dealing with health issues, but also bankruptcy at the same time.

[PacificBlue]

Well, I had to mention "free lunch" in that last post. I skipped breakfast this morning (was a little nauseous from my meds). I made a cheese and cucumber sandwich for lunch, and yummy did it look good. I took one bite and the phone rings...

It was my oncologist I seen yesterday. She said Have you eaten anything today? Nope, just on my first bite. She said "NO, don't eat! I have you scheduled for 3:30 tomorrow for your test to see what is going on". (what showed up yesterday on the scan). Only drink clear liquids for the rest of the day, and tomorrow as well. She said I need to come to the hospital right now and pick up the premeds for tomorrow.

See, that's the sort of thing you don't plan for, but is a necessity for life with cancer. The Oncology dept is at the hospital across town. That's an extra trip meaning gas spent I didn't plan for, and thank God she is giving me the premeds, or that would be another expense.

[PacificBlue]

Thanks Michigain1951.

Two and half years ago when we first heard the words "it's cancer" I started praying, and have not stopped once. I was cancer free for 14 months after the surgery, radiation treatments and medical meds. I still had to go in every 3 months for tests, as I was told it will come back (60% chance), and it would be bad.

We were paying bills, enjoying life and incomes letters from our CC companies. (Like everyone else, we are no different there) Raised our mim payments past what we could afford. (NO medical was put on the cards, and we stopped using them months ago anyway).

That same month my 3 month scan for cancer showed a spike, 30 days later it had doubled, 30 days later it had doubled again. It had came back, and it was even stronger this time. We were still paying all bills but going down fast. We tried for 4 months to keep up, but it came down to this month. December something had to change. Either the CC bills were going to get paid, or I was going to get the medical supplies and medicine we needed. With a gut pulling ache we bought my medical supplies, and put the bills aside.

I don't expect a free lunch, or ever wanted one. (don't think they would taste the same to me if I didn't earn it) This is a different situation. I'm not asking for our money for HOB, or Cable TV, or even to dine out fancy and free. I'm asking that I be allowed to focus on my health, and devote disposable income (isn't that a strange word.. "disposable income") to fighting for life. To help ease the burden that's going to hit my wife sooner or later.

She is the bread winner in our family, and has to push even when she isn't feeling 100%. I try to not be such a pain to her. Anyone who is helping someone with cancer is a saint. There are times when I don't tell her, or ask her for something. I try not to worry her anymore then the load she is already carrying.

[Michigan1951]

Stay here, and keep talking it out. Pray, and never give up. Your story is sad, but you seem like a fighter!! I am not going to say good luck. That's not enough right now to me. I will pray for you. Others may join me..............