Do Your Emotions Ever Just Get To You?

[12000debt]

I cried buckets at my first consult.

I gotta admit I broke down as soon as I submitted my first post here.

It was a feeling of failure..........and subsequent relief.

[Mayo]

I grew up in a cash household and always had the view of BK being a personal failure. I avoided filing for three years as i dodged phone calls and put it out of my mind the best I could. I always knew it was there then one day my brother in law was driving past our house and saw a Sherrif's car. He stopled and the cop gave him some sworn papers for my wife. I think that was against the law but that was a long time ago. Anyways the court case finally made me face what I had been putting off and dreading. It took me time to realize that I wasn't a failure for filing but had just overspent myself into a hopeless situation. I got my discharge this past week after 5 years. Since I have been in that previous situation I plan on never going back. So don't cry it gets better.

[Tater]

ess,

What an inspirational post! I'm glad to hear your husband is on the mend and you will be able to retire debt free in a few years!!! How great!! One thing I'm learning is that we are making the right business decision for our family. I just keep telling myself there will be a day soon that we will be out of this mess and we can move on with our lives. This process won't break us but will make us stronger.

[ess]

I didn't cry, didn't even flinch. I've worked my whole life and so has my husband. We have plowed through layoffs more than once and one time both of us together at the same time. During that time my husband decided to have an appendix attack, of course we had no insurance we were both laid off the month before. We struggled through and with hospital grants we got the bill paid off. We have always maintained separate credit cards with the other as an authorized user. Because of that my husband did not have to file, I simply removed him as a user before I filed. Most of my bills were racked up taking care of my mother, I don't regret that for a minute. We never lived above our means, never bought a house because my biggest fear was not being able to pay for it should one of us lose our jobs. We don't drive luxury cars and keep them for years and I'm talking 20 yrs if possible, my husband keeps them in top shape. We've taken one vacation in the past 20 yrs, we both had ailing parents and couldn't get away. All of our bills were always paid on time and were paid on time right up to my deciding I'd had enough of this struggling. When my husband was diagnosed with cancer I still managed to keep things up to date. Interest rates went up to 30%, banks refused to work with me with lowering interest or payments. That was the final straw that broke the camels back, I'd had enough. Made an appointment to see an attorney, one I knew well through my job, and that was it. Had my 341 meeting last Tuesday and now I wait to be discharged. It's a pleasure not to sit down every month and list all of the creditors that had to be paid so I didn't miss a payment. Now all I do is list utilities, car payment and rent and I'm done. We have a nice nest egg in the bank under my husbands name from his mothers estate since it's technically his money. I refused to use any of it to pay my debt. My husband is now on the mend, I now looking for forward to retirement in a few years, being debt free and enjoying my 3 grandchildren. So my only emotion right now is one of pure elation. I couldn't be happier!

[TheBajan]

Tater,
Welcome to the family. We have all been in your shoes. I know exactly your feeling about heat in the house or pay credit cards bills been there done that not gonna do that again. Hubby and I have a budget now and stick to it. We deserved a fresh start as much if not more then the bail outs us taxpayers give big business, They are still taking there vacations sailing in there yachts driving those fancy cars and getting million dollar bonus for running a company into the ground and us working people get to pay the price. Okay I'm done ranting now.

+1

[TheBajan]

I cried when I hung up the phone the first time I made an appointment! And then I cried several times on the phone with various compassionate legal aides. I cried again when we met with the attorney that we finally retained. And again after the 341 meeting! When we were finally confirmed, I was beyond euphoric! I'm still amazed at the fact that I don't have all that debt weighing me down. What you are going through is very normal and it will get better. Honestly... the stress I went through prior to actually filing was ten times more horrible than after I filed. Keep looking for the right attorney. It sounds like you have some time and don't give anyone a 'small retainer' until you are sure that you really want to use them. From what I've heard, it's hard to hire someone else if you retain one attorney and then change your mind about them so be absolutely sure you are completely confident and comfortable with who you retain. Do take some time to just relax.... literally go smell some roses, walk the dog, have a pillow fight! There is a silver lining at the end of this!

Cheers!

[pamkev]

Tater,
Welcome to the family. We have all been in your shoes. I know exactly your feeling about heat in the house or pay credit cards bills been there done that not gonna do that again. Hubby and I have a budget now and stick to it. We deserved a fresh start as much if not more then the bail outs us taxpayers give big business, They are still taking there vacations sailing in there yachts driving those fancy cars and getting million dollar bonus for running a company into the ground and us working people get to pay the price. Okay I'm done ranting now.

[Tater]

Thanks every for the advice, hugs, and support! I am starting to feel like a member of the family! I can't believe how well I slept last night. I got up a couple of hours ago and took my dog for a walk. It was brisk but exhilarating! As I was walking, I started to think about the positives the lawyer told me yesterday. Ok, we could file Chapter 13 shortly and she configured the highest payment. I ran the numbers and we could afford that payment comfortably which surprised me. Once I figured out how much we would actually be saving, things came into a new light. She also mentioned that if I could not find employment before my UE runs on, the plan could be amended or converted to a Chapter 7. She also said we have time since we have no lawsuits and she could help stall creditors for a small retainer fee for now. Ok, all pluses!

I'm not going to retain this attorney but like was mentioned, I'm learning things along the way. I just didn't see it yesterday. Time may be on our side in this since we are above median. Like was also mentioned, this will give us time to plan, amend the budget so we can live comfortably no matter which chapter we file. We were going to keep our older car since the payment was less but that one may be going. We will keep the newer car because we could still afford the payment either way, even with one income. She said if we give up a car then the difference would be listed in a Chapter 13. Fine with me because this is a car that is twelve years old with 150,000 miles on it. The book value is around $1,000 but we still owe $6,000. This was a big mistake on our end because we had it paid off. A couple of years ago, I had a lot of medical bills so we financed the car to pay off the medical bills to avoid a lawsuit. I could kick myself now but live and learn.

We could to continue to emotionally beat ourselves up over our financial mistakes that led us to this decision but we've also had a severe reduction in income over the last year. Believe me, there have been other factors over the years and we've tried to do the right thing. Then, I thought of the posts I've read from others with this same exact sentiment. We are programmed to believe to pay our bills now matter what. Like the rest of you, we've tried for years and only dug the hole deeper. Once we saw the true amount of our debt on paper, we knew we couldn't dig our way out of this on our own. It really hit me when I had to decide whether to continue to struggle to pay the minimums on the credit cards or make sure we had heat. That's when the thought of bankruptcy really first hit me.

It also hit me on my walk what the term "Fresh Start" really meant. My husband and I have worked hard our whole lives so I am starting to believe that we deserve a "Fresh Start" in life. You guys have had a big hand in helping me realize this over the last few days. We have made some adjustments over the last year and have realized what is truly important in life. It's not catching the latest episode of a tv show on satellite, we can do that online. Honestly, we used to spend way too much of our time together watching tv and not communicating. Now, we look forward to spending time talking or reading together. We both have lost a little weight since we don't eat out that much. In the last year, we have eaten out three times and all with gift cards. We used to spend a lot of money eating out when we were both working because I was just "too tired" to cook.

So, things are slowly coming into perspective. I'm sure my emotions will be all over the place for awhile. I appreciate you guys listening to me vent and whine. My husband is cool as a cucumber and takes the stress with a grain of salt. He said to me this morning that we are doing the right thing. I wish I could be more like that but I guess one of us has to worry! LOL!!

[Pandora]

yep, cried many many times...so its not unusual in the least bit - then the questions took over along with the doubts / concerns about how everything was going to go. It's all par for the course.

I'm a big believer in instinct / gut feelings - so trust yours; Momma always said that was The Big Man Upstairs letting you know He's trying to get your attention

[kornellred]

Hello Tater - my use of the phrase "extenuating circumstances" was meant to cover any situation whereby debtors who are over the median income get to qualify for Chapter 7 relief. I have no experience with the particulars. I was way over the median income, so there was no question that I would have to file under Chapter 13. No biggie - I already had a Chapter 7 under my belt from 1994!

[Drazil65]

Yes, we cried so you are right on track! Seriously, we did all the stressing and debating and going back and forth. We went through the "well maybe it will get better BEFORE we have to actually file" emotions and guess what, no it did not get better. That was called denial and being unrealistic. We had several consults as well until we found the "one", your attorney can make or break your process. You are doing the right thing by continuing with the consults and if nothing else you gain a little bit more knowledge each time you go.

Once we made a solid decision to file chapter 7 we then put the filing date goal down on paper with a list of preplanning items leading up to that date. Trust me once you start the planning and actually become proactive in the process you catch an excitment that you have options. You start to feel better each day and look forward to that filing date. Sounds strange to some but it is no lie that one of the first things you will think about once you are discharged is "wow, why did I not do this sooner"...its still a long road but treat it as a business decsion for your family. Plan for it and organize it like you would for anything else you family is about to do. The fear and dread will subside, it just will and strength will replace that fear. The renewal and fresh start is a wonderful feeling and you will be so much smarter for it. But first you must go through all the steps...Good Luck and read everything here that you can and do not forget to sign up for and start using Google Voice (you will be glad you did)...

[btbeme]

I do have two more consults scheduled over the next two Monday's so we will see how that goes!

For perspective, we visited over a dozen attorneys in the area. Our case had a few interesting wrinkles, so we wanted to be absolutely sure that we had the right person. In fact, I paid a retainer for a top attorney, thought about it a bit more, then asked for the retainer back and retained a different attorney - the third one I interviewed - and all went well. He did an absolutely spectacular job of helping us make some minor adjustments to our world so our above-median filing would work. But even he had sweaty palms going in to the 341.

By the way - several of the attorneys I consulted all said the same thing - on average, it was 6-8 months between retaining and filing for most of their clients. Time can make a very big difference, especially with the right attorney. He wasn't cheap but I would gladly have paid double for the results we got.

[basketsbears]

Hi,

We have cried and fretted a lot. We still have not filed. We thought we would file end of 2011/Jan 2012, but we have to wait for my husband's education stipend to stop. We should file in June after it stops in May. Our attorney, I believe, even though that stipend will be in the look back, it will not be any longer and we would probably qualify for Ch 7 due to the income/outgo schedules (sorry cannot think right now of names, etc).

It has not been easy to wait. Especially since we were so geared up to file at the end of the year. We had prepared for possible Ch 13 by making sure we have good vehicles, etc, and then found we should be OK in a Ch 7. So even though we get calls (google voice helps some), the BK has kinda gone into the background because right now there is nothing to "do" until we get closer to filing this summer.

Just hang in there. We also talked with about 4 attorneys total from when we first talked about filing and found one that answers emails quickly, calls when she has questions and handles everything herself. Some of the other ones were either too pushy to file right away, didn't even want to consider anything but a 13, etc.

Take care - (((hugs)))

[AngelinaCat]

'Hub and I cried buckets at our initial consult too--surprised the h*** out of us. The attorney seemed a good fit and we retained her on the spot. That was a mistake. We should have kept looking, and so should you. If something doesn't *feel* right, it isn't right.

Good luck to you and {{{HUGGS}}}

[Tater]

I appreciate the feedback. keepsmiling, love the name btw, you are right, I need to relieve the stress! My oldest niece will be home from college tomorrow and she is spending the weekend with us. I'm looking forward to eating sugar and being silly! I'm sure my dog would appreciate a nice long walk tomorrow or a trip to the dog park!

btbeme, I appreciate your input. Yes, I have input the numbers myself in the means test online and we qualify now even though we are over median. I'm using our six month averages for income, deductions for payroll taxes, health insurance, etc. I've followed the directions, I think, on the mortgage payment and car payment parts. Don't you take what you expect to pay over the next 60 months and then divide by 60? Or do I have that wrong? I've read the different parts of the means test and even followed link's to the trustee's website. Yes, we've started modifying our lifestyle but I am open to any suggestions...

kcornellred, I appreciate your input as well. What do you mean by extenuating circumstance? Just curious.

I do have two more consults scheduled over the next two Monday's so we will see how that goes!