how to tell my father i screwed him over

[Scream2Death]

i have about 40k worth of personal loan debt that my father co-signed for me. How do i tell my father that i screwed him over?


I thought I could pay it even though I stopped paying my debt, but 800 a month is harsh when you are surviving on student loans. thoughts of jumping off a building enters my mind again. I already stopped paying my monthly share of 639, 600, 285, and 389.

I don't know how to start. Should I tell him he should file bankruptcy despite it is my fault?

[lrprn]

thoughts of jumping off a building enters my mind again. I already stopped paying my monthly share. I don't know how to start. Should I tell him he should file bankruptcy despite it is my fault?

First of all, are the 40K of personal loans all dischargeable in bankruptcy? (For example, student loans, even if made through a private lender, are not.)

Can your father take on the loan payments himself without having to file bankruptcy himself?

S2D, I don't want to come across as unsympathetic or unsupportive to your situation (I'm not at all.) However, jumping off a building to kill yourself still leaves your father stuck with the co-signed debts whether you tell him about them beforehand or not. That way out only saves *you* from having to deal with the problem - it won't help your dad at all and will devastate him emotionally to boot. Better to take responsibility for what's happened and tell your dad the truth. He might surprise you with answers you haven't even considered yet.

As far as other potential ways out of your hole....when you filey ou could reaffirm only the debts that your father co-signed....how much other debt could you wipe out that is yours alone? That could free up more money to pay towards the co-signed loans. Also you could work out a written pay-back agreement with your father where you could both contribute to paying the loans down as quickly as possible and then you could pay back his portion back once the loans are wiped out. Just some thoughts - hopefully others here can chime in with even better ones.

Hang in there. You can survive this, and will emerge even stronger once you deal honestly with your situation.

[AMISLANDER]

Don't jump/i.e. kill yourself...things do work out...you just need a spot to scream it all out.

Talk to your father!

[Spartan]

I have mentioned this before. If you need to make money in a hurry, try working as a delivery driver for Pizza Hut or any of your local Chinese restaurants. They always need dependable drivers. You can easily make $40-$60 in tips alone, a day, as many days as you can work. Be safe. Don't work in high crime or otherwise bad area. The Chinese restaurants typically pay cash and don't want anything to do with any paper work.

I realize that it is hard to let your dad down, but no amount of money is worth your life. Your dad would agree whole heartedly. One way or the other, this debt will be worked out. If you are alive, you can always make it up to your dad. You can even go on to do great things and be a valuable citizen of the community.

Life is precious. As long as you are alive, you have a fighting chance. Unable to pay a loan, is not a sin nor a crime.


I realize that it is easier said then done. But sometimes the easiest solution may be just face the music. "Dad, we have a situation. I am unable to repay the loan. We have to figure out something. " As simple as that. You don't even have to say you are sorry. He is your father. He understands.

Good luck.

Don't hide inside a cocoon now. Talk to us. Things will get better. Some of us have being through much worse....

[SinkingFast]

Actually, you've been given some good suggestions already.

Just because you file BK and discharge your responsibility for the debt, no part of the BK code says you cannot voluntarily pay back a Creditor after the BK is said and done.

Sit down, look over your finances, as they would be after the BK. Without any CC payments. Figure what you can allocate to the payments on this loan once you file and Dad is solely repsonsible. If Dad has to pay a bit more to complete the loan as agreed, then you just continue paying Dad your smaller portion longer.

While on paper, at the time of filing, it will look like Dad was screwed and stuck with the debt,.......... You can come to a gentleman's agreement about how you can repay Dad for his kindness in helping.

There are always alternatives. You just have to look for them.

[bige1030]

Yeah, be straight up with your dad! Let him know that he'll be responsible to the creditors, but you'll end up paying him according to a "gentlemen's agreement." You know...so that things will be cool. He would rather get pissed off at you for sticking him with the debt rather than mourning your body at a funeral, man.

Sorry to see you even think about this...I know how suicidal depression is. Big hugs out to you!

[FilingOnMyOwn]

Ok. So you have student loan debt which is not dischargeable, and personal loan debt that is also not dischargeable in the sense that it will still have to be repaid by your family.

What debt do you have that is actually dischargeable?

[Scream2Death]

thanks everyone i appreicate the support. i've already posted here before under another name(i changed it to this one because my other user name could be googled all over the place)

when i first posted here i was pretty much holding a knife to my neck. I mean, i know i can't just pull the trigger that easily; but when my emotions build more and more I feel like i just can. I do feel scared and think that if i set this meat knife to my neck, there are some people that will miss and hate me for it. My parents, sister, my best friend, and my hopeful fiance. I love her so much, no one knows about my bankruptcy except my best friend. I guess I'm one of those jumpers at the bridge that never jump.

But after some responses and other people's stories after my first post; i felt better - i felt like there was a way out. I stopped paying my portion of my debt. about 75k

American Express 35k 600+ per month
GE credit line 13K 285 per month
Providian CC 7K 100 per month
BNY Loan 20K 639 per month

I also stopped paying for my suv already, i cleared out all my belongings and i take off my plates at night time - getting ready for repossession.

my monthly lease is 389





My student loans amount up to about 12k but they are all backloaded into future payments.


Honestly I admit i am a sorry piece of trash that never finished high school, kept on financing cars, never saved a single cent. I kept on using credit cards for this and that and puff I'm here with a knife at my throat.

I screwed my parents over. They loved me so much, provided me with everything despite they are just above poverty line. They make about 30-40k per year combined and I'm the idiot thinking I'm a rich son of a gun wasting money away. While my sister thrives for conservativeness, knows about my waste of money, and goes the opposite road - away from me. She is almost finishing her chemical engineer degree and she is only 19. She is a junior.


I just feel I really screwed me and my rest of my family. My friend already loaned me about 3k to have food and pay for gas. My girlfriend who loves me so much, have plans one day to save up money to buy a nice house for us and any future children.



I really want to turn my life over. that's why I went back to school in Jan 06. Within one year i completed 50 credits total. This spring will be my graduation date. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'll be alive holding my diplmoa.


Ironically, I am very interested in criminal law and legal issues. I am graduating with a degree in criminal justice and by end of the year will have my paralegal certificate. I am interseted in the law office/criminal or business field. I have a 3.0 GPA and I really just want to get my life around



But every once in a while, I just feel like dying. I still am spending money for rent, food, gas, and so. Sometimes I just feel hopeless. Unless I work near full time; I won't make near 800 per month especially since I am not exactly " on demand" Even law offices errand person only make about 8 bucks an hours part time.


Thanks for everyone hearing my story. I hope to post soon on my situation. Since I still used my credit cards in December; I am waiting a 6 month period before getting my certificate. I don't want any problems to surface later involving fraud


I am also thinking of filing pro se but with this large amount I have about 75-80K is it a good idea to file pro se?

[Spartan]

Maybe you can get your dad to file and everyone walks away with a clean slate.

It is never too late to change your way. If you have learned your lesson and seen the error of your past way of life, then it is all good. For your sake and the sake of those who care about you, I hope you have.......

[bige1030]

Honestly I admit i am a sorry piece of trash that never finished high school, kept on financing cars, never saved a single cent. I kept on using credit cards for this and that and puff I'm here with a knife at my throat.