Feeling Blue

[sara4]

Ok guys I must admit I've been mia on responding until today. I'm in school (full-time student), dealing with some health issues (fibromyaligia, innsomia, thyroid issues, not to mention HOT FLASHES and NIGHT SWEATS!!! Also my Mom passed on Nov 26, 2006 so it's going to be a very hard holiday season and I guess now that I'm no longer working full time and since my classes this term are online I have more time to reflect on things and more time alone. Yes, not to worry I'm on antidepressiants as well although I must admit sometimes they don't seem to help very much. I know I have to allow myself time to morn and heal but I guess sometimes it's just so hard. I live in FL and chose to stay after I retired. All of my family live in GA (not very close to most but I do talk to my sister daily and my brother and Uncle occasionally). I have tons of friends (some in FL (2 hrs away the closest) but most live all over. I'm usually joking and laughing with them on the phone but really don't feel like talking much these days. Anyway, just thought I'd share with my bk friends who always seem to be there!! Thanks for listening and any advice/encouragement will be greatly appreciated.

sara 4

[lrprn]

Any time so many difficult emotional events happen close together, it's easy to get overwhelmed, sara. You know that time will help, but it's hard while you're waiting for time to pass.

When I'm having a pity party, I try to find things to do that I enjoy or that make me feel better. Sometimes I can barely drag myself to do anything, but once I get started, it tends to lift my spirits. Take a walk, visit with friends, volunteer at a day care or soup kitchen....whatever works for you. A short diversion when I won't have so much time to dwell seems to help me....maybe it might help you too.

Hang in there and keep posting - we're here for each other!

[MomIcantFindmy]

Hey Sara,
We live here in Florida too. We stayed here when my husband retired. No family here though. I always get kinda unhappy this time of year here. I too, to talk with my sister in Washington daily. I sometimes try to help someone else and it lifts my mood. Right now I am helping a friend through some stuff. I know it sounds silly but it helps. Cheer up....this will pass!!

[HeatherB]

Sara,

I'm sorry about your mom. I know how hard holidays are when there is a loved one's death so close. My mom passed away in 2000 and it still stings to this day.

Sometimes I just like to think about her and talk about her. I usually end up crying, but I do tend to feel better afterward.

[sara4]

Thanks Irprn, MomIcan'tfindmy, and Heather B I must say I was indeed having a pity party last night and I guess I know time will help the pain more than anything else. You all made some very good observations and suggestions. Some I have tried (walking, visiting a friend, etc.) but I think what helps the most is having my pity party and getting on with it. I feel somewhat better today. I've been up early cleaning and watching Joel Osteen as well as others on this Sunday morning. I will continue to stay in prayer as I approach this holiday season. I know years from now the sting of losing my Mother will still be there but hopefully not as open of a wound as it is right now. Again, thank you all I will continue to post and help others on this forum when I can. I think bk can be overwhelming especially when combined with life's other problems but all we can do is press forward and try not to make the same mistakes. Bk is hard and at times it seem to never end with all the disputes of the cra's afterward but I keep telling myself this too shall pass.......and you guys make it a lot easier.

Thanks again,
sara4

[guzzie]

good morning sara......I lost my mom dec. 18, 1990 and buried her dec. 22,1990....days before christmas......my 41 year old sister in law died on nov. 19, 2006.....from leaukemia...
had 2 young children....I carried her casket on my birthday which is nov.22.....I know your pain.....the holidays will be hard this year....I work in the death care industry and see grief
every day...it's ok.....give yourself the time to go through the natural process of grieving...
take life one day at a time.....I promise you things will get better....some days will be harder than others ....... then you will feel better....keep mom in your heart and think about all the good times in life you shared together.......dad passed in 2005 and I was his caregiver....
I think about them both everyday as well as my sister in law.....I pray for them....but they were full of life and enjoyed living.....they would want me to do the same.....sara one step at a time is what I tell my clients and their families.....it is a process we all struggle with....
may the good lord comfort you in the days and weeks ahead.......be positive and among friends for support when you can.....you will be ok......my prayers will be with you......from one whos been there and done that....believe me......god bless you ............guzzie

[AMISLANDER]

I've been having my own pity party, too.

Boyfriend & I broke up last month. He moved out while I had been at work & left me a note on a napkin. This is after seven years, divorce, drugs, him spending my cash on drugs which in turn caused my bankruptcy...oh I could go on...but...

My girlfriends say it's for the best. It's hard but I'll make it. Some Sundays I just don't get out of bed. Night time is the hardest.

[sara4]

Thanks Guzzie,

I'll take your advice and continue to pray. I know the holidays will be hard but like you there are many others before me I'll get through it thanks for your words of comfort.

Sara4

[Minnymouth]

Amislander,

I think you have been there and done this once before with this guy in the past, haven't you.......... maybe it's TIME to MOVE ON.....

Next man in your life, keep your strings on your pocketbook and your credit cards hidden - and you'll discover what "role" you really play in their lives.....

I know you cared about this one, you and I have chatted in the past....... but maybe this is a blessing in disguise, and you just don't know it yet.....

My way of thinking about men - (not right for everyone, I'm sure) - IS if they died tomorrow, they wouldn't be here!!!!! So why should I miss them for walking away from me???

You know how I feel - some things are not meant "forever", and some for "just a short time" in our lives..... then we move on and down our paths of life to another adventure.

Miss him , remember the good times you had with him, also remember the bad things that he brought to your life....... and how you tried to help him change......

THEN MOVE ON............... life is short - don't waste the sweetest part of it - YOUR YOUTH.............

Love ya,

Minny

[Minnymouth]

Sara4,

Both my parents are gone now, dad 30 years, mom 6 years ago right after Christmas.....

I still miss them, especially during the holidays...... I still hang ornaments on the tree that belonged to my parents..... and often something I see will remind me of them (a Christmas movie, song, etc.)

Best thing is their only a thought away...... and as I always say "still in my heart"......

It will be hard, but you will survive...... and life will calm down to a dull roar again for you......

Don't be afraid or ashamed to grieve for them...... it's only natural and that too will pass.... in time.

Sometimes just talking about them (and I still mention my folks in conversation) makes it a lot easier to deal with......

A friend of mine lost her mom this year, and another his dad.... their holiday will be a lot like yours will be......sad, confusing, yet hopeful..... yet the "living" continue with living their lives.

Here's a hug......... and a shoulder to cry on when you need it....

Minny

[whatamess]

((HUGS))
To all. This is a hard time of year. I think of my late father who suffered on a feeding tube two years after a stroke, brother in law who passed in an accident at age 26, my nice who passed this March from an overdose....but I know I need to be thankful my own and families health and those loved ones and friends alive and around us. Life is so short.
One year after a jerk X fiance left me for broke by, YES using my credit cards to go skiing, new clothes from an expensive outdoor sports place, gas to NY, then go to some woodstock festival WITHOUT ME where he cheated on me .....then we broke up on Thanksgiving when he never showed up and I sat around waiting for him. I could go on..lol. Young and very dumb of me. I found out he had been on coke, then crack and herion for a year. He barely remembered most of his escapades. My depression was overwhelming, I was lonely and so angry. My father had had a heart attack and was having bypass surgery and I had to drop out of college due to no money.
SO, I went to a soup kitchen and started to volunteer. I ended up doing all sorts of charity work for them and the animal shelter collecting foods and gifts, serving at the soup kitchen, etc. Seeing smiling little kids get a gift who would otherwise get nothing, and have a hot turkey meal too. These people truly appreciated everything, even the small things we take for granted. What a blessing this was. They helped me as I helped them.
Ive been so discouraged this week, as I managed to save up money for the holidays working an extra PT job only to have my husband come home with a horrible infection from an abcessed tooth. He had an infection under a crown...then The Xrays showed even more trouble and there went all the money and then some. Then today I got my heating oil bill, $690!!!!!!!!! OMG!!! Between that and gas this winter, can we eat?
*sigh* sometimes I wonder...gotta chin up though!
Take care all!!
WAM

[AMISLANDER]

I think I might work a soup kitchen this turkey day and give back to my community.

Whatamess: I hear ya, story of my life the past seven years with my XBF; I have to take that sign off my forehead that the weirdos all keep reading!

[Minnymouth]

Unfortunately, we do have a way of projecting to others that we are "dumb blondes, easy targets, and/or suckers"!!!! Its like its stamped on your forehead for all to see.......

Best way to get rid of it is "suck it up", "chin up", and do a "re-vamp on our lifestyles" and what we expect out of them.

Often we leave ourselvse "open" for others to prey on.....

We need to learn how to close those gaps, set a tolerance level, and learn to fight for what we believe in and what we really want out of life and not settle for less. We also need to listen to our conscious when it tells us to "back off - leave it alone - nothing but trouble for me"........

Go for the good life - you only have one to live.................

[Minnymouth]

Community service is good for the soul and good for the community.

Donating your time and energy to a soup kitchen, orphanage, nursing home, or animal shelter can be so rewarding in our lives.

When you voluntarily "help"...... its extremely "self" uplifting and rewarding...... your not thinking about yourself........your thinking about your fellow man!!!

So in the future - GO HELP SOMEONE ELSE...... it will come back to you doublefold in good deeds and feelings......

Help a neighbor, a friend, a stranger, or an animal shelter.......

You won't be sorry that you did.....

[genseeker]

Sara, I truly know how hard this season is. My mom passed away in 02, just days after my daughter's birthday and then 16 months later, my dad passed away on his sister's birthday. My daughter was born on their wedding anniversary and they were with me because hubby was a truck driver then and was on a long haul. So her birthday is very hard for me because when she is around, I have to hide my pain so it doesn't ruin her birthday. I also was diagnosed with fibro in June '06 which caused my depression got get worse as I started to learn about this horrible "condition". But in a small way, I felt better because now I knew something was really wrong with me and I wasn't nuts. I have been dealing with chronic acute depression since I was a teen, due to events that happened to me in elem school. I also suffer from SAD, panic disorder, and PTSD, and various other physical ailments.

Both my parents had their birthdays near the holidays so as the weather turns colder, I find my thoughts turning to them even more. I can still see things that remind me of them and I am buried in pain and tears. I am on meds for it and I see a counselor but my pain just won't go away. Even though they have been gone so long, the holidays are just so hard. I go out shopping and I see a grandparent at the local mall watching their grand kid on the train or helping them pick out a special gift for their parents and sometimes I have to just get away and find somewhere I can cry. I know where every bathroom is in both our malls, because I duck in to cry so much. My poor hubby never really knew his bio dad and his mom is still around so he has no idea the pain I feel, but he tries.

However, my youngest bro did something that hubby objected to but I had my way. My brother had gotten a boxer pup several months back, intending for me to have him but the landlord said no. My lease is almost up and when my brother told me he had to move and had no room, I made sure we went and got my dog. I have 2 cats already and they cuddle but they have made room for him. I was upset last week and was curled up on the couch crying. Rascal came over with his bunny and put it in my lap, then tried to climb in my lap with it. At 50 lbs, I don't have enough lap for him but he made me laugh and so my pain was chased away for a while. The younger of my cats was a life saver for me as well but it was because I was at the point I wanted to just stop fighting and just live with what I had. But he needed me to be his mother (literally). His mother abandoned him at birth and I could not give him around the clock care if I continued with my pity party. He still wants babied sometimes but every time I see him I am reminded of how much a fighter he was, especially since even the vet told me not to get attached. I see he did not give up so I can do no less.

I tend to ramble, sorry. But I am here if you need to talk.