New here, scared and depressed

[Footprints1973]

Hi all,
My DH and I had a consultation with a BK attorney on Monday and it looks like we are going to try to file for Ch 7. We are just above the median income (due to OT that was worked but is now longer available--ain't that a kicker)...so we will have to do that means test. We will be seing him again Saturday morning to put down our retainer fee of $200 (we would have done it at our first meeting but didn't have the money).

He is a very nice man and I feel confident about him but I am scared to death and depressed. We are 60k in CC debt and 10K in car loan debt. The CC debt built up over several years due a series of misfortunate events (layoffs, medical expenses, etc). And yeah, we "lived" off our credit cards more than we should have. But it's too late now.

The attorney advised us to stop paying our CCs NOW (We haven't actually used them in a few months), but we've been paying the minimums and haven't been late, because we were trying to save face. Meanwhile, we've really been struggling to keep food on the table and gas in the car. And my husband is facing a possible layoff at his job on top of this.

Please tell me this will get better at some point. We have a 3 year old little girl. She has some medical problems that are not life threating but do need treatment. Even with insurance, we have to stuggle to pay copays and such. I just want us to get out of this rut for her sake.

Well, sorry for the long whiney intro. While it comforts me that I am not alone, I wish all of us here had a better ship to sail on.

[JRScott]

Hi Laura, it'll get better , it might take a few months.

The lawyer in your circumstance has advised you well. There is no point in paying the Credit Card minimums in your situation. Use that money to take care of your little girl and pay for food.

[Flamingo]

I am a strong woman who can handle anything and tackles any problem head on; however, just prior to our filing when the entire realization of the issues/problems finally hit me, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Try not to let it get you down; believe me, you will file, get through it all and look back on it and will be thankful you did it. Whether Chapter 7 or 13, the process is overwhelming and emotional for everyone. What you learn from it is priceless and it will change your life and you will view things very differently than before.

[Footprints1973]

Thanks everyone....I really appreciate it. Your encouraging words really help. I also appreciate that you've been around the boards to help others like me even though your cases were over and done quite awhile ago.

Thanks again,

[keepmine]

This is just a business decision now. Your best interest and your creditors best interest have diverged. You have to do what makes sense for your family. Your creditors are on there on.
Big thing to do now is, get a budget together and get used to living on a cash basis.
It absolutely gets better. This is just part of the process.

[AngelinaCat]

Hi Ms. Footprints:

Welcome to this forum. Yes, I am here to tell you that it WILL get better at some point. Your case sounds very similar to ours, with medical bills, CC bills, layoffs, and some plain bad business decisions. The fact that you found this forum will help you feel better, because we're all in this ocean together--as another poster put it. You will be able to ask questions--no matter how dumb they may sound to you, those things crop up--and you'll get feedback here. This forum has been a God-send to my husband and me. It has helped us keep what little bit of sanity we still have left.

[momof5]

There was a little saying I read a couple of months back when I didnt even want to get out of bed. I just didnt have the energy to tackle another day. It seemed that no matter what we did it would just crumble for us.

It said : Yesterday is yesterday, tomorrow is tomorrow but today is the present.... a present from God.

While I am not very religious and dont faithfully go to church. I do have my own little faith in whats up above.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that there was some real truth to this saying. I gave it my own little definition :To always appreciate today because you just never know if you will have a tomorrow.
So no matter how awful today is its still a 'present'

Things always get better. You can never stay at the bottom for very long. Each and every rotten awful day or experience is just another memory that will help you appreciate when things are good.
So many people I know who have never had to worry about money just dont understand. I almost feel sorry for them. If they have no worries do they really appreciate the worry free life they have? They may look down on me but after being at the very bottom of the pit for so long, I know that I feel an inner happiness that they just couldn't fathom.

So to answer your question Laura, YES it will get better. It has to! In a short while you will look back and be so proud of yourself for having climbed the hardest,highest, most difficult mountain on Earth!

[Help!]

I came to this forum the day I hit rock bottom, truly one of the worst days of my life. There is a lot of great support here, and pretty much any problem that comes up during the process someone will have already survived. We are in the middle of our Ch. 7, with income above the median. The best advice I can give you is to file with a below median income if at all possible. If your income without the OT is still above the median, I would hope your lawyer would advise you to delay filing as long as possible to minimize your income on the means test (which is based on 6 months of pay stubs). We would have been in a much better place right now if we had been given this advice.

Other than that, try to keep your chin up and don't let fear have its way with you. Do as much as you can to distract yourself and understand that the process is like a marathon, not a sprint - just keep plugging away one step at a time and it won't last forever.

Good luck!

[whipster]

I agree, you may want to wait a bit, there really is no emergency reason to file chapter 7 unless they are already suing you. Just unplug the phone and chill for a while.

[Footprints1973]

Thanks again everyone....don't know how long it will be before the calls start coming, seeing as we just paid the cards a couple weeks ago (I call it feeding the monsters). But my DH is eager to get the ball rolling...the process will take probably take awhile anyway. I'm thinking the courts are getting overloaded right now...

[MajorMike]

Exactly what everyone else said......
It all seems overbearing and stressful now but wait until you've filed. It'll feel like a rock was lifted off your chest...and you will breathe....
You'll wonder why you ever stressed...and you will be 100 percent happy with your decision. Take care of your little girl and not the credit card companies. They'll live without your payment. Good Luck to you!

[JRScott]

Thanks again everyone....don't know how long it will be before the calls start coming, seeing as we just paid the cards a couple weeks ago (I call it feeding the monsters). But my DH is eager to get the ball rolling...the process will take probably take awhile anyway. I'm thinking the courts are getting overloaded right now...

Laura

About a week after the first late payment is when most will start calling. I would suggest an answering machine. Make sure that it clearly identifies you and your spouse. Then turn down the ringer. Let friends know you'll call them back. Let the machine pick up all calls.

For most it'll take 6 months or so before they do more than call.

[pa308]

About a week after the first late payment is when most will start calling. I would suggest an answering machine. Make sure that it clearly identifies you and your spouse. Then turn down the ringer. Let friends know you'll call them back. Let the machine pick up all calls.

For most it'll take 6 months or so before they do more than call.

Caller Id would be a great investment right now as well LOL. I added it when I was filing and then I was able to pick up and answer the ones I wanted to talk to.

My lawyer took payments over 6 months so I knew I had basically 6 months to get all my docs and information in order. This is a great time to be on a cash basis and get a real good handle on your budget.

Once you give your lawyer the retainer, he might as mine did, advise you to have the creditors call him. The first call I answered from a creditor was awkward but once I gave them my lawyer info it cut the calls down for some time. They're started up a little but since I filed yesterday I expect them to go away for good.

Like everyone said, this is one of the hardest decisions/times you will face in your life. It will be stressful and have many ups and downs. Come here for support when you feel down. There are so many good people here that will pick you up, or give you some advice from their experiences. I know that helps me.


Remember "Tough Times don't last....but tough people do"

[Cali]

I used to be one of those that always had money and no worries.

I was taught to appreciate all they you are blessed with, because as soon as you get it..it can all be taken away.

I always say, The past is just that the past, tomorrow isn't guaranteed all you really have is today. And you should live it to the fullest.

It said : Yesterday is yesterday, tomorrow is tomorrow but today is the present.... a present from God.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that there was some real truth to this saying. I gave it my own little definition :To always appreciate today because you just never know if you will have a tomorrow.
So no matter how awful today is its still a 'present'

So many people I know who have never had to worry about money just dont understand. I almost feel sorry for them. If they have no worries do they really appreciate the worry free life they have? They may look down on me but after being at the very bottom of the pit for so long, I know that I feel an inner happiness that they just couldn't fathom.

[ThreadsSnapping]

If you know you are going to file, then your lawyer is right and stop paying the CC. There is no point in feeding the monster now when you are goint to starve him soon. I'm guessing that if you weren't paying the CC, that you wouldn't have as much trouble putting food on the table, gas in the car and feeding your little girl. Might not be smooth sailing but probably a lot less struggle.

And you mentioned a possible layoff for your husband soon, maybe it is best to wait until after that happens and he lands another job that can support you before you file BK. No point in filing now if you will have trouble paying your bills again after it is all said and done. It will be 6 months before they charge off and then at least several more months before they sue you and it goes through the system. You can always file as soona s you get sued. Just have everything ready to go and file within a few days and it will be included in the BK.

And getting caller id and an answering machine is great advice. Good luck.

TS