We are in over our heads!

[Over our heads]

Hello! I've been reading here for close to a month now. Just sucking up the info like a leech .

Our sad sob story is we are idiots. We have always been just hoovering at making it work. Since day 1. We have done CCCS, 2nd mortgages, balance transfers, but we have always been able to make it work.

We can no longer make it work! That was like a serious slap in the face. We both turned our blind eye to the writing on the wall, and the wall has finally fallen down.

We owe 258k on our home, which will only appriase for 230 now. Our 2nd on it is at 14.5%, and there isn't anything we can do about that atm. We are keeping our house.

We have 69.5k in unsecured debt, and owe 14k on our van which we are keeping too.

Seeing the lawyer and her running through a budget using the IRS suggested numbers for a family of 6, we just break even w/ the house and car payments. We are above the means income by about 4k, but the rest of the test blows us out of the water. She was totally surprised that we have made it this long.

I can't tell you what a relief it was to tell someone else how bad we were. Paying the bills each month was literally making me sick. We had cashed in dh's 401k when he switched jobs, just so we could make the payments. Now that money is getting the kids new glasses and dentist visits, and of course paying lawyer fees.

It still feels a bit wrong to me to quit paying, but really, it just doesn't help me at all to do so.

Due to the large tax refund we are expecting this spring, lawyer lady advised us to wait until we got it, and to "use it wisely, and quickly" IE put it all on our mortgage. Or an IRA.

So I missed my first payment to discover last month, and they called on the first. I simply told the lady "I'm sorry I can't help you today." After tellling her that 3 times, I just hung up.

I can handle the phone calls, I am a SAHM, I will welcome the adult conversation . The only thing I worry about is someone calling the man at work. He recently (4 m's) changed jobs, so I don't believe anyone would have his new number. And since we have retained an attorney, if they get too hard to handle I will just hand them over to her.

We can do this!

[WoodSprite]

Hello! I've been reading here for close to a month now. Just sucking up the info like a leech .

Our sad sob story is we are idiots...

I can handle the phone calls, I am a SAHM, I will welcome the adult conversation . The only thing I worry about is someone calling the man at work...

We can do this!

Welcome, OOH, congratulations on taking action, and kudos all around on your attitude! You CAN do it...and it sounds as if you're well on the way. I can't help you with the calls (we're off the grid and don't have a phone), but you're in a wonderful place full of recovering "idiots", and the answer is here somewhere! These folks have seen it all, and you'll find great advice and support for the days when you're feeling like you can't do this. Just use this time to figure out how to benefit from the experience, and use the forum to figure out how to avoid making the mistakes the rest of us have made.

Mostly, just hang on to that positive attitude!

[BROKENN]

Welcome! I have been helped tremendously here. It is safe, full of knowledgable and kind people.

I loved the Adult Conversation!! You keep going!

[Mark80]

Welcome!

I am in the exact same situation that you are in, it also sounds like you got there the same way also. I finally gave up trying to keep my head up as it wasn't getting me anywhere. This place has been awesome at putting my mind and ease and giving me a heads up on what to expect!

Good Luck to you!

[Paul Kukoc]

You are not alone...I feel that way and my wife is so upset that "someone' will find out....i say who cares...raise's are at 3 percent, cost of living is at....about 75 percent in the last year.....I don't know how some of these people do it. I stood behnd a person at a store that spent 100$ on halloween decorations while i counted out change to by TP......I don't get it......

[paintinrosesred]

Your story is our story also so don't feel alone! The best of luck!

[ThreadsSnapping]

I figure if someone finds out and has a problem with it I will hand them my bills and tell them when they pay them, then they can have a say in my finances. Until then, they should mind their own business. And I have found that the biggest loudmouths are usually the ones who should keep their mouths shut!

We were in the deep end and trying to keep our heads above water but someone kept doing cannonballs into the pool and we kept choking. We finally gave up, got out of the pool and filed bk.

TS

[BROKENN]

We were in the deep end and trying to keep our heads above water but someone kept doing cannonballs into the pool and we kept choking. We finally gave up, got out of the pool and filed bk.
TS

What a great analogy! CANNON BALL

[TEW]

Hello! I've been reading here for close to a month now. Just sucking up the info like a leech .

Our sad sob story is we are idiots. We have always been just hoovering at making it work. Since day 1. We have done CCCS, 2nd mortgages, balance transfers, but we have always been able to make it work.

We can no longer make it work! That was like a serious slap in the face. We both turned our blind eye to the writing on the wall, and the wall has finally fallen down.

We owe 258k on our home, which will only appriase for 230 now. Our 2nd on it is at 14.5%, and there isn't anything we can do about that atm. We are keeping our house.

We have 69.5k in unsecured debt, and owe 14k on our van which we are keeping too.

Seeing the lawyer and her running through a budget using the IRS suggested numbers for a family of 6, we just break even w/ the house and car payments. We are above the means income by about 4k, but the rest of the test blows us out of the water. She was totally surprised that we have made it this long.

I can't tell you what a relief it was to tell someone else how bad we were. Paying the bills each month was literally making me sick. We had cashed in dh's 401k when he switched jobs, just so we could make the payments. Now that money is getting the kids new glasses and dentist visits, and of course paying lawyer fees.

It still feels a bit wrong to me to quit paying, but really, it just doesn't help me at all to do so.

Due to the large tax refund we are expecting this spring, lawyer lady advised us to wait until we got it, and to "use it wisely, and quickly" IE put it all on our mortgage. Or an IRA.

So I missed my first payment to discover last month, and they called on the first. I simply told the lady "I'm sorry I can't help you today." After tellling her that 3 times, I just hung up.

I can handle the phone calls, I am a SAHM, I will welcome the adult conversation . The only thing I worry about is someone calling the man at work. He recently (4 m's) changed jobs, so I don't believe anyone would have his new number. And since we have retained an attorney, if they get too hard to handle I will just hand them over to her.

We can do this!

[Frogge]

You are great. Yours is such a common story -- isn't it surprising and enlightening to see so many people with the same story? It was wonderful for me to find this site and realize that I am not alone.

Welcome!!

[BROKENN]

I have seen many people talk about the answering machine. I have an answering machine also and I turned the ring all the way down to ZERO. I have put this number down whenever a number was required ie: bank account etc.

I have another line that is restricted for family and friends ONLY. Pay about 2 bucks for that.

Then I look at the 22 messages every so often and listen while hovering over the delete button. My family is not stressed out.