Financially speaking, how were you raised?

[anonymuse]

My father was always fiscally responsible and very financially savy. I got my first credit card (for emergencies only) when I was 13. Now, don't get mad at him--I travelled without them quite often (even overseas once) so he wanted to make sure I had it "just in case". He taught me that it was just like a checking account--if you don't have the money, you can't buy it. I didn't use the card much, but have paid that card off everytime in full (and the couple of other cards I have had since) until I lost my job 3 years ago.

They nicknamed me "the miser". I saved everything--money from xmas, birthdays, working, etc.. I probably started working when I was about 12 (family business--dad's second job) to pay for our hobbies and sports so I had a great work ethic. Everything went into savings. My father used to borrow from me when things got tight so that my mom wouldn't know. When I went to college, I had plenty to make sure I didn't have to work during my freshman year for food and books. (I was on scholarship and parents paid housing.) My parents sent me the money directly so that I had to make the checks out and see where the money would go.

I was the kid that would get $20 to fill up the tank with gas and had the exact change ready to give back to my dad before he could even ask for it. He said to me once when I told him that I was spoiled rotten, that unlike my sister, I always got everything I wanted since I never asked for anything unreasonable.

My family (and now my sister) has always put money into their houses, furniture, etc.--mostly "things". They get a new car every 2-3 years. It has to look good for the neighbors or when company visits. Yet, we always shopped around and made sure we got the best bargain.

I, on the other hand, am the opposite. I have a really nice place, but made sure I bought within my means. But as far as cars--mine is 10 years old and I love it and see no need to look for another. Most of my furniture is actually hand-me-downs from my parents. It was really helpful to me that they bought premium furniture since I have my bedroom set from high school and it's in relatively good shape--especially for being 24 years old.

I'm a saver had the 6 months savings net you were supposed to have if you lost your job. I probably should have put more into my 401K, but I did put a lot into stocks.

I still wonder "how in the world did I get into this mess"--but I try not to kick myself over and over again for it, and I'm realizing that, although BK might not be my only option (could be working another job, but killing myself in the process; maybe could sell my house, and payoff the creditors, and then rent), but I'm trying to think of it as a business decision for myself to de-personalize it a little.

Enough about me, how did your parents raise you to handle your financial responsibilities?

[BassBoy]

My parents were always very good with their finances........paid loans off early by paying a little extra pricipal each month and had one CC and kept the balance low.

My Father would always save a little and pay cash for things. When he remodeled the basement of our house, he saved a little and then bought a little. It took him almost a year to get the basement remodeled, but he didn't incurr any debt. He was always totally against racking up CC or HELOC debt.

My Mother has always been a finacial wizard. She always handled the budget and the bills and was extremely wise with money. Opposite of my Father, my Mother would use a HELOC to take on a major project, but my Father was against it.....always. He hated debt. Although I chuckle as to why he would want to buy a house and/or cars if he hated debt so much.

Anyways, my Mother was the one who would help me with my finances when I was in my teens and took on my first job. We opened an account with my Catholic school's credit union and she had control over what I put in and what I could take out. I was allowed to take enough for gas in my car and a little spending and that was it. If I ran low on cash, because I did something extra that week, I couldn't withdrawal any additiona cash without her authorization. She wasn't being controlling........just trying to teach me about saving money.

When I turned 18 and began going to college (commuted), I was allowed to have a CC for emergencies. And believe me, my Mother checked the monthly statements to see if I was going on spending sprees. I couldn't buy anything that was uneccessary.

The next few years went on like this and I never complained. I knew that my parents were trying to teach me something, so when I was on my own, I could manage my finances wisely.

Today, with everything that has happened, my parents have blamed themselves for it because they tried to protect me from making bad financial decisions and they feel that they should have allowed me to be more free with my money and finances and allow me to make mistakes so I would know better when I was on my own. Well, this is how my Mother feels, but my Father believes that if something flashes across the T.V. screen, I run out and buy it, which isn't true. I didn't have a lot of CC debt......just one CC with about 50% of the balance available.

But anyways......

I was brought up to be good with money, but I believe that I should have been allowed to make my own decisions and make financial mistakes, so I could have my parents to help me get through it when I was younger. I would even borrow from my parents...maybe just a few hundred dollars to help buy a car...but I always repaid them, usually when I got my IRS refund. Once I got out on my own, and had a lot to lose, there wouldn't have been much they could have done.

[Minnymouth]

My folks were "cash and carry" - NO CASH, NO BUY............... All bills were paid on time..........

If they needed anything major it was cash or 90 days same as cash.......

No checking accounts until late in life, and always a savings account.......

We got a little allowance, used as we saw fit......

But no real "teachings" regarding money issues......

So all my financial information etc came from "trial and error" after I left home.

If I made a financial "mistake", I busted my butt on a 2nd job to correct the problem.......

I wrote a bad $5.00 check for gas one time....... my dad knew the owner - paid it, picked it up, brought it too me, told me to "close account - deal with cash"......

Parents NEVER had a credit card...................

They rented for many years and then built a home for retirement..... they paid cash to have their home built................

[AMISLANDER]

My mom was a single parent back in the mid '60's

my dad died when I was 2 1/2 and she worked all kind of strange jobs to support me...I don't remember her having credit card debt at all. She used to haul frozen chilli bricks and pickles (from Eastern Market, Detroit) and wholesale them to restaurants...

She remarried when I was 9...stepfather worked for Ford Motor. Mom played stock market...

We lived within our means...I got new school clothes in August...so totally different from the world today...there were no "Sales" like there are now...things have just readjusted...

She paid for my first two years of college & then I got part time jobs...I didn't get a car when I graduated...or lots of stuff...just went on to school...it's so long ago it kind of hurts to think about it...good shrink stuff into my personality I would surmise...

We watched a movie called "Stay" w/ Naomi Watts/Ewan McGregor last night about a psychiatrist & his suicidal patient that was really weird...now this question...I definitely am a therapy candidate!

[anonymuse]

Don't worry--we are all therapy candidates! The normal American family IS a dysfuntional family! ;)

[jane taylor]

Oh gosh!!!!! Did my family ever put the FUN back in dysfunctional when it comes to money!!! I was definitely spoiled! I had a brand new car when I finished HS, took private music lessons, attended a private school and also had all but one year of grad school tuition and books paid in full. I had a credit card but it went to my parent's address. Bank statements went there, too. Every month I would be so sick in anticipation of going over finances with my parents. It even got physical at times when they would "go off" on me. My parents have pristine credit! They pay cash for everything and live like paupers. They save EVERYTHING!

You guessed it . . . When I got a CC behind their back I went "hog slap wild!!" They always had a way of making me feel guilty about "their sacrifices" for me. I never really asked for anything. I will admit to having very good taste and was always made to feel guilty about everything. I've always been financially dependent on them, I'm ashamed to say, but not anymore.

I have worked hard on understanding why I've done certain things. I don't blame them anymore nor do I beat myself up. We are all human and do stupid things. Our problem came when we had several job losses and huge medical bills we didn't have any savings. I am learning to be responsible with my money and it feels great. Unfortunately, my brother treats me like a second class citizen and his wife looks down her nose at me and makes snide comments. (Funny, though, she was in just as bad of shape when she met my brother!)

Yep, I've paid several therapy bills in my day, but realizing that I can only do "the next right thing."

Forgiveness is great for the body and soul! Working on that with my brother right now.

Didn't mean to write a dissertation on Dysfunctional Family Systems

[lrprn]

My parents were typical for the 1950s and 60s - Dad worked and Mom stayed home to raise us. We were blue-collar so there never was a lot of money - my parents raised 5 kids but I never felt like we were doing without. I can't remember my parents ever talking about money in my presence the entire 18 years I lived at home, and they never taught me about how to handle money. From an early age, I knew if I wanted spending money for myself, I had to earn it. I babysat for the neighborhood until I was 16, then got a part-time job at a local burger joint that I kept through high school. I worked hard for my money so I wasn't overly miserly with it, but I didn't waste it either. I handled all my own finances (worked through college, got my own scholarships and loans, arranged for my own college housing and then my own apartment, paid all my own bills, financed my own cars, etc) until I got married in my late 20s.

It's very tough to look at where we are now financially after more than two decades of responsible debt management before things went to he** in a handbasket. For us it wasn't one big flood, just lots of little to middle-sized trickles over a six year period that finally swamped us. Lesson learned - we won't make the same mistakes again.

[Kam]

My dad was 19 years older than my mom and a total control freak. My mother had less than a HS education and my father was college-educated. My father made good money - he worked for Boeing and we ate lots of seafood and steaks. However, my father would haul home bags of clothing from the local dumps, thriftstores, etc. My mother would wash the salvageable clothes, repair them, and that is what we wore to school. We received a new set of clothes for Easter and one pair of new shoes for school. I remember my mother making underslip patterns from newspaper and making our slips. They were so plain and I used to be so envious of girls who wore frilly underslips. My school pictures show a dour-faced little girl wearing clothes that were often 2-3 years behind the latest fashion.

My mother had to beg my father for money to go shopping. He would ask for receipts and for an accounting of every penny she spent. He slept with his wallet under his side of the mattress. Our "treat" if you will, was to go to Mc Donalds or A & W after church each Sunday afternoon.

Mom started working for a bakery when I was in the third grade. My father was not happy about this, and often accused her of having an affair with the man who owned the little grocery store down from our house. What I remember most from this period of time is having the money to go to the Saturday matinee, being able to buy ice cream from the musical ice cream truck, and finally being able to collect plastic horse models.

Fastforward to my teenage years: after the death of my first foster mom, I took care of my sister and my foster dad until he remarried (for about a year). Our new foster mom made it very clear that she was the queen bee and my sister and I moved into a little house next door to our foster parents. We were given a small allowance for personal needs, but were totally dependent upon Queen Bee for food. We cooked our own meals, washed our own clothes and lived like that until I graduated from high school. My sister and I had four horses and we used part of our social security income to buy feed, pay for farrier bills, etc. I also bucked hay one summer to help pay for our horses.

Fastforward to "on my own years": I didn't have the foggiest clue how to balance a check book or have any kind of money management skills. Even now, at 49, I find myself slipping back into old spending habits. It makes it even harder to teach your children wise money management when you have non yourself!

[anonymuse]

I can't wait to get out of this mess and be "the miser" again.

For my first two years out of graduate school, I moved in with my parents and paid them modest rent (they didn't want any, but I insisted--wound up they saved it and bought me a washer and dryer when I got my own place). I still lived like a student except I bought a car (a necessity) and had to buy business work clothes. In that time, I saved up enough money to put down 20% on a new house.

After BK, I'll be getting a 2nd job or some other means of secondary income. I plan to live just a bit over the pre-BK standards (I don't want to have to choose which medication I buy this month). Once I'm physically and emotionally sound again, then trying to get a job at my old level will be a possibility. First thing, need a cushion of savings and get rid of the HELOC--they sort of go hand in hand since the HELOC can also be used as CC in emergency. Second, pay the parents back and increase contribution to 401K. Third, student loans--big chunks!!!

[aa06a47]

My parents never really taught me anything about finances. What they did teach me was a good work ethic. I grew up on a small farm (160 acres) and my dad worked for a barge company. I remember working my ass off every year on the farm. Since my dad was gone one month and home one month, I was pretty much in charge of doing all the farm when I was 14 years old.

I always felt pride getting things done for my dad. Beleive me, I would work extra long hours to get the crop in or cultivated before he got home from the river. I didn't want him to think I couldn't do it. The only thing I remember him being pissed off about was one time I planted the crops in the wrong direction....but hell, I did it on purpose. When I told him why I did it (I had been reading on soil conservation), he said, OK, let's try it and see what it does. We planted it that way for the next few years until I went off to college, then he and my brother went back to planting it his way....I wish I could ask him about that now, why he didn't just tell me to do it his way.

OK, enough of the flash backs.

[Minnymouth]

iT'S AMAZING,

What we often remember about our childhoods...... things that you wouldn't think we would think of.......

My dad controlled the money.... mom got $40.00 a week to buy grocerys and everything else we needed...... Yeah, $40.00 a week....... Unfortunately as the years past $40.00 a week didn't go ANYWHERE..........

We grew our own gardens every year, canned everything in sight...... and mom bought everything on sale.......

Dad made good money too, a lot more than most...... but his drinking habit consumed most of it....

Mom finally got a parttime job after the baby was in school......

Only then did we see things like ice cream cones off the truck, roller skates, cub scouts and brownies, and new clothes... We had one bycicle in our lifetime and I had one doll and one stuffed animal. As my dad would say - "the rest you don't need"..................

My dad was cheap and thought about himself only...... OHHHH, he made sure we had a roof over our head and basic food in our stomachs - BUT THAT WAS IT............. he was never there....... never did NOTHING............ There was nothing "family orientated" about him or "husband orientated" either........ Mom basically raised us by herself.....

Her marriage was a "joke"........... and she found out 35 years was a long time to wish someone dead..... But she finally got her wish and then lived 25 good years without him.....................

Yes, I grew up rough...... not poor (just forced to do without), and without a loving stable homelife........ but I survived.

All of THAT PAST made be a very, very strong person...... I can handle basically anything that is throwed at me......... I AM A SURVIVOR............

All of us our lives have been entirely different yet here all of us are in the same place and postion - filing bankruptcy............ HOW IRONIC HUH.......