Not so great news~ son is thinking BK too~

[CAB_44]

And the world turns.......
Last evening I decided to face any telephone calls from creditors that I might get....so I wrote down what I would say~ and waited for the phone to ring~
(last few days phone has begun to ring again~have been ignoring it, then it was hardly ringing.....) but............iiittttttsssss bbbbaaaaccccckkkkkkk.....
Anyway~ here I was thinking it would be MY creditors....but it turns out, my son is now having trouble. The first two calls were his creditors, I was shocked.
I went over to see him (he is living on his own- 22 yrs old) and he sat down and talked to me about it.
My husband and I had not told him about our BK...we decided that we would wait until we had actually filed, and knew just exactly what we would be facing.... but last night I ended up telling him what was going on...
bless his heart~ he just looked like he was a cross between "relief and disbelief"......
He said "Mom...I think I am going to have to do the same thing"....
Actually, it might be possible that he can do a 7 ... he is single and is not a student, works for a company driving a truck, he bought a truck about 19 months ago, and he says he is current on payments, but he switched jobs and had to do without a paycheck, so he got behind on some things~
I am SO SAD for him...
Anyway~ he doesn't own a house...he purchased a 4 wheeler about 15 months ago, (against our wishes, but he's still a kid) he's been trying to sell it, but hasn't had any luck...so that's the only thing that he has besides his truck to pay on outside of utilities,food, etc.
I asked him how much he had in CC debt, he said about 11K, which I think is maybe a little more and he didn't want to tell me....
We had called him earlier to tell him that he was going to have to get his own car insurance policy because we probably wouldn't be able to keep him on ours with our financial dilema, and so now he's got that to think about too...
I am SO depressed about this for him~ hardly slept last night~
I knew something was wrong with him, he hasn't been coming around as much and it's just NOT like him~
He is coming over this weekend and I will help him go through some things so maybe he can go and talk with an attorney~
I am guessing that it would be wise for him to use someone other than the attorney we are using...don't you guys think????
I feel certain that he will be able to file a 7 ...
oh man~ this just stinks.......
sorry guys~ just a bad day
thanks to who ever is reading, I appreciate any thoughts...
I feel like I have been such a failure for him.......

[BassBoy]

That's aweful. Hopefully, with everything youhave learned, and will continue to learn, you'll be able to share your knowledge with your son and help him along during such a difficult time.

Do not feel as if you failed your son. We all make mistakes. As parents, we do our best to teach our children the ways of life, but you know, once they get on their own, we can't control how they conduct themselves. My parents have always tried to instill in me the value of money and how to manage it, but once on my own, I let it get out of control.

As difficult as it may be to watch your son go through this, he'll learn a valueable lesson. I know I sure as hell did.

[robivi3]

Cab, will he let you see his bills? If he can avoid it it would be best. Right now, he is a kid like you said, you can probably give him a hand in some way not related to money. He is awfully young, that is good. Just tell him to lay it all out for you and be straight no matter how bad it is, then go from thee. Wish you the best.

I see mistakes now in my oldest, not related to debt but in other area. Gosh, to be 19 and know what I know! Youth is wasted on the young!

[SinkingFast]

This is so typical of the world we live in now. A bad decision or 2, or a life changing decision, can land you in financial distress.

Your son chose to change jobs. Probably because he expected to make more money or have better benefits or both. But the lag in pay probably made things that were bad already even worse. And, he stepped up, made the same choice many of us do. Sell things to make ends meet. But something he needs to sell, the 4 wheeler, he can't.

He was trying to make things work and the pieces simply didn't fall into place for him.

[AMISLANDER]

Hmmmm....

$11K does not seem that much to file over...if he could just stall a bit, sell the 4wheeler(not up on those things)...he just needs to lay it on the table regarding the truth of his debt with you, his family....I just don't wish bk on anybody unless they've really racked up unpayable medical bills and/or stupid debt...which to me is anything over $50K that you have no way of catching up on

[CAB_44]

This is so typical of the world we live in now. A bad decision or 2, or a life changing decision, can land you in financial distress.

Your son chose to change jobs. Probably because he expected to make more money or have better benefits or both. But the lag in pay probably made things that were bad already even worse. And, he stepped up, made the same choice many of us do. Sell things to make ends meet. But something he needs to sell, the 4 wheeler, he can't.

He was trying to make things work and the pieces simply didn't fall into place for him.

Well...thanks to those who gave encouragement...
SF, normally I see that you do encourage people, yet I feel the coldness in your reply....please if you can HELP my situation with positive advise, I welcome it, but right now, I don't need the cold remarks thanks

[lrprn]

And the world turns....... [edit]
thanks to who ever is reading, I appreciate any thoughts...
I feel like I have been such a failure for him.......

As a parent of two twenty-somethings myself, my heart aches seeing your sadness and disappointment, CAB - not just in your son, but in yourself. It's so easy to see ourselves as the "teacher of what's best" to our children while we help them understand the right way to do things, including managing money. When they don't do the right thing, it's easy to blame ourselves. But as others have already said, everyone makes mistakes. We as parents make mistakes, and our children make mistakes just like we do. Please try not to be so hard on yourself - you are not responsible for your son's less-than-optimal choices, he is. You are now doing just what any good parent does - helping your son now that you know there's a problem.

There's so much in today's world that makes it very hard for 20-somethings to manage their money well. Easy credit is being shoved in their faces daily without regard to whether they can actually afford to repay it or not. It takes a lot of will power to resist that every day barrage of "you need this!" and "everybody who's anybody has one of these!" with multiple credit card offers arriving in the mail daily. Your son is going to learn such a valuable lesson from this because he is now living the real consequences of his financial decisions. Experience is a very tough teacher but the learning will stick with him for a lifetime.

Hang in there - this is part of growing up and learning to handle money on his own, although it's a very painful lesson for both of you. Be sure to come back any time you need to for support and to share how things are going for you both. We'll be here to listen.

[BassBoy]

Well...thanks to those who gave encouragement...
SF, normally I see that you do encourage people, yet I feel the coldness in your reply....please if you can HELP my situation with positive advise, I welcome it, but right now, I don't need the cold remarks thanks

CAB_44,

I do not feel SF was cold. Maybe you just took the reply the wrong way.

[miss puff]

CAB_44,

I do not feel SF was cold. Maybe you just took the reply the wrong way.

I have to agree with bassboy, I did not read this as cold. To me it actually sounded like she was understanding. Try re-reading it and see if you get a different feeling.

Don't look at yourself as a failure Cab. Kids think they can take on anything and everything all at once and pretty soon it catches up to them. It is good that he is trying to do the right thing by selling the 4 wheeler to catch up on debt. However, if he does end up having to file, I think he is young enough that by the time he is getting married, buying houses, having kids etc.... he will have a whole new outlook on financial decisions and will hopefully bounce back rather quickly and have many years of making very good financial decisions. Best wishes to you and to your son while you are making these hard decisions.

[SinkingFast]

Well...thanks to those who gave encouragement...
SF, normally I see that you do encourage people, yet I feel the coldness in your reply....please if you can HELP my situation with positive advise, I welcome it, but right now, I don't need the cold remarks thanks

I didn't mean it that way at all, Cab. And I'm sorry that my comments sounded that way to you.

You commented your son hadn't seemed the same for a while now. And he finally broke down and told you what's been going on with him.

He's probably at his wits end. He changes jobs hoping for the best, but the lag in pay has had the reverse effect.

Years ago, Hubby took a job for us to just get by while he hunted for a better position. We were both job hunting.

He had vacation days immediately available and he used vacation time to go to interviews. That company paid in arrears. If it was weekly, Hubby had to work 2 weeks before the first paycheck came.

Meanwhile, I took a temporary position. It came to an end and I hadn't found a new job.

Finally, Hubby landed a better paying job with better benefits. Gave his notice. We expected to have one last paycheck to tide us over to the first payday of the new job.

No paycheck came. I called. The payroll clerk explained that even tho Hubby's vacation days had been immediately available, he hadn't worked enough hours to "earn" what he'd taken.

I about died. We had no CC's at that point. We'd just moved into a new apt complex. Rent was due. We owed Hubby's old company money for a half day's pay. And Hubby still had to get to and from work for a couple of weeks before his first pay came.

It was like someone pushed that first dominoe and the rest just began falling.

It took us a long time to get squared around again. I got a job a couple months later and we finally got back on track the next spring. It was a good 6-8 month struggle.

That was with no other debt to worry with. I can well imagine what your son is going thru. And how you are worrying for him now as well.

[krobin02]

$11K does not seem that much to file over...if he could just stall a bit, sell the 4wheeler(not up on those things)...he just needs to lay it on the table regarding the truth of his debt with you, his family....I just don't wish bk on anybody unless they've really racked up unpayable medical bills and/or stupid debt...which to me is anything over $50K that you have no way of catching up on

11K is not much to file over compared to what many people filing are filing on; however, for some, this amount is as unpayable as 200K would be to someone else. Unfortunately, this is just how it is sometimes. Incomes are never really enough for single people trying to live on their own. (I can't wait until the day when I can actaully support myself without help from other people! )

[CAB_44]

[QUOTE=krobin02]11K is not much to file over compared to what many people filing are filing on; however, for some, this amount is as unpayable as 200K would be to someone else. ]

This is SO true krobin...that's exactly what my son said.....and yes it is true~
he feels as trapped with 11K as I do with 90K ..... and at 22 yrs old....it is a HUGE amount~
I can say at 44 yrs. I just wish I had only 11K, but his income is such that 11K seems like 90K .....
It's heartbreaking~

[pink_amulet]

And the world turns.......
Last evening I decided to face any telephone calls from creditors that I might get....so I wrote down what I would say~ and waited for the phone to ring~
(last few days phone has begun to ring again~have been ignoring it, then it was hardly ringing.....) but............iiittttttsssss bbbbaaaaccccckkkkkkk.....
Anyway~ here I was thinking it would be MY creditors....but it turns out, my son is now having trouble. The first two calls were his creditors, I was shocked.
I went over to see him (he is living on his own- 22 yrs old) and he sat down and talked to me about it.
My husband and I had not told him about our BK...we decided that we would wait until we had actually filed, and knew just exactly what we would be facing.... but last night I ended up telling him what was going on...
bless his heart~ he just looked like he was a cross between "relief and disbelief"......
He said "Mom...I think I am going to have to do the same thing"....
Actually, it might be possible that he can do a 7 ... he is single and is not a student, works for a company driving a truck, he bought a truck about 19 months ago, and he says he is current on payments, but he switched jobs and had to do without a paycheck, so he got behind on some things~
I am SO SAD for him...
Anyway~ he doesn't own a house...he purchased a 4 wheeler about 15 months ago, (against our wishes, but he's still a kid) he's been trying to sell it, but hasn't had any luck...so that's the only thing that he has besides his truck to pay on outside of utilities,food, etc.
I asked him how much he had in CC debt, he said about 11K, which I think is maybe a little more and he didn't want to tell me....
We had called him earlier to tell him that he was going to have to get his own car insurance policy because we probably wouldn't be able to keep him on ours with our financial dilema, and so now he's got that to think about too...
I am SO depressed about this for him~ hardly slept last night~
I knew something was wrong with him, he hasn't been coming around as much and it's just NOT like him~
He is coming over this weekend and I will help him go through some things so maybe he can go and talk with an attorney~
I am guessing that it would be wise for him to use someone other than the attorney we are using...don't you guys think????
I feel certain that he will be able to file a 7 ...
oh man~ this just stinks.......
sorry guys~ just a bad day
thanks to who ever is reading, I appreciate any thoughts...
I feel like I have been such a failure for him.......

Ya know...it is sad, but look at the other side.......he was knows enough is enough. DO NOT look down upon yourself, no parents wishes problems for their children. We do the best to guide them the right way, but they have their own mind, and way of doing things...Heck it may not be right, but life is a learning experience. NOBODY WANTS TO FILE!!!! but all to often it becomes the best solution to debt problems.
Look at it this way....We are SO relieved to have filed BK.....it's not the "black cloud" it once was in todays society. There are Bk friendly lenders, such, people get their lives back on track, and LEARN from their mistakes!!.......Heck your son is young....he will have a new fresh start!!!!! When he is 32 (like me) this will all be history for him......we in NO WAY shape or form regret filing BK.

The best thing for you to do is support him...you said once you told him there was relief upon his face.....hopefully this whole experience will bring the two of you closer.....good luck

[CAB_44]

The best thing for you to do is support him...you said once you told him there was relief upon his face.....hopefully this whole experience will bring the two of you closer.....good luck

Thanks Pink A~
Yes, I totally support him, no matter what!!!!!!!!!!
As mother to my first born~ son ~ we are very close anyway...that's how I knew something was wrong...he had not been coming around as usual, and it appeared that he was not answering his cell phone~ so I went over to his house. He told me what was up~ and at first, I was sad....(still am), that he has to experience this but since we are going through the same things, I hopefully will be able to guide him through this.
He has a girlfriend and they have been living together for over a year now~ he wants to get married, but he says he knows that it would not be good for them to go into a marriage with all of this debt.....and I think he is right...
We love his girlfriend, and hopefully she will stay even as she knows what he is going through.
I know he hasn't told her of all of it, because he doesn't want to stress her out~ she has her own stuff with parents/step parents...
He's a "protector" and I know he dreds telling her ALL of it. But I told him he needs to BEFORE he asks her to marry him~ be up front and honest about all of it!
I have always told my kids~ I may not like WHAT you do, but it will never come between us in our love for them.....NOTHING could break the bond of our love for both of our children~ they love us no matter what, and we do the same~ !!!!!
Thanks for your input and support!
CAB

[pink_amulet]

The best thing for you to do is support him...you said once you told him there was relief upon his face.....hopefully this whole experience will bring the two of you closer.....good luck

Thanks Pink A~
Yes, I totally support him, no matter what!!!!!!!!!!
As mother to my first born~ son ~ we are very close anyway...that's how I knew something was wrong...he had not been coming around as usual, and it appeared that he was not answering his cell phone~ so I went over to his house. He told me what was up~ and at first, I was sad....(still am), that he has to experience this but since we are going through the same things, I hopefully will be able to guide him through this.
He has a girlfriend and they have been living together for over a year now~ he wants to get married, but he says he knows that it would not be good for them to go into a marriage with all of this debt.....and I think he is right...
We love his girlfriend, and hopefully she will stay even as she knows what he is going through.
I know he hasn't told her of all of it, because he doesn't want to stress her out~ she has her own stuff with parents/step parents...
He's a "protector" and I know he dreds telling her ALL of it. But I told him he needs to BEFORE he asks her to marry him~ be up front and honest about all of it!
I have always told my kids~ I may not like WHAT you do, but it will never come between us in our love for them.....NOTHING could break the bond of our love for both of our children~ they love us no matter what, and we do the same~ !!!!!
Thanks for your input and support!
CAB

Ya know We filed back in Sept 05..we didn't tell my parents (cause I left like I let them down) I too wasn't talking as much, and felt shy around them. I am the oldest of two, and I am daddy's little girl. So I finally broke down and told them.....and while they were disappointed, I felt like a weight had been lifted.....I HATE the fact that I didn't want to worry my parents with our situation, and to admit I had messed up. I am so glad I did finally told them, now that I don't have to hide anything from them. Your son I bet is so relieved!! You sound like a great parent. Best of luck for you and your son!!!!