Pre-filing Anxiety.

[wellnowwhat]

This is mostly to vent some things that are banging around in my brain, so here it goes:

Let me preface this by saying that I have a long history of major depressive disorder and general anxiety, for which I am currently being treated with medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy.

I am overwhelmed with anxiety about filing for Chapter 7. It's not the normal "I'm a terrible person" or "Filing is morally wrong" thoughts that others seem to have. I am obsessively worried about making a mistake in my filing, even though I have a seemingly very competent attorney helping me with my case. I stress over small credit card charges I've made, things on my tax return that seem "abnormal" (but really aren't), or even changing my habits slightly prior to filing in an attempt to not seem like a "fraud" to the trustee. It terrifies me that my discharge can be jeopardized just because a trustee doesn't like me for some reason.

I'm not sure how to overcome the anxiety other than to try and forget about it for a few moments, but then that leads to further anxiety that I am not caring enough or not working hard enough even though my filing will not be for months. There's also the added anxiety of missing my payments for the first time in my life due to the advice given by my attorney and the fact that I need to pay my attorney's fees prior to filing.

I'm sure others have felt this way and experienced these things, but it's easy to feel extremely alone and hopeless when you have this big, life-changing, oncoming event that can make or break your future, and I'm just not sure what to do to quiet the noise.

[pamkev]

Relax Breath it will be alright. I am a worry wart and do the what if game. I've learned to relax somewhat maybe that comes with age. I general go to my happy place when I start feeling stress. I think of something that makes me smile and happy.

You will be already and as long as you are truthful to your lawyer.

You are not alone we on this board have been through it and I find the people on this board one of the most helpful kind souls in cyber space.

Pam

[keepsmiling]

Deep breath. Imagine all of us out here who are in your shoes or who have been in your shoes in a giant group hug or holding your hand. Or whatever works for you. (((((((hugs))))))))))

So many have come here and said virtually the same thing--- that terrible awful anxiety of missing that first payment. I was a basket case. But ya know what? Really- the first one is the hardest. After that is gets much easier. ESPECIALLY once you take the helm and either inform the callers that you are filing bk and give them your attorney's number OR get Google Voice and avoid the calls altogether.

THIS is not going to break your future. If you have made it to the point where you are filing....that's the step to MAKING your future. You have an attorney... you have stepped up to the plate and taken the first step towards getting your life back under control. Congratulate yourself on that and everything you are now doing to become more educated, wiser, and savvier. Hanging around here, asking and answering q's from the newbies could be just the therapy you need

Try to trust your lawyer. The tt really can't do anything to you just because he doesn't like you. The numbers are what they are. Seriously, he's going to see you for about 3 minutes and unless you do something OUTRAGEOUS--- like come in with a live chicken or something--- will most likely be forming no judgments about you whatsoever. You will be just one of many he has to get thru that day. Yoiur attorney should be able to give you some kind of heads up in the rare instance that you got the world's most difficult tt.

You might want to go sit in on some 341's in advance to see what they are about. It might help calm you when you see how routine they usually are. Meanwhile, some advice I've been given over the years to combat depression and anxiety-- MOVE, sing, and help others. Get out and take a walk in this lovely spring weather.

Hang in there!

[wellnowwhat]

Thank you both for the words of encouragement and support. I really appreciate it.

It is very difficult to not let the mind run wild with worst-case scenarios. The insane thing is that I've only had my initial consultation with my attorney, and I'm almost certain that we'll sit down and review the paperwork to make sure that everything is accurate and true. I guess I just see quite a few horror stories about people who filed who thought they'd be getting an easy discharge only to have something go awry. I just tend to be a perfectionist, anyway, and want to make sure that everything is on the up-and-up and that I'm not forgetting something minute in my financial history of the last couple of years that could come back to bite me.

[keepsmiling]

Where are you reading all of these horror stories???

There are very few horror stories posted here. The overwhelming majority read more like tales of redemption and sanity saved. We get a fair number of fairy tales as well... in other words, how things turned around and are so much better post bk!

Only the occasional, very rare story of a greedy trustee attempting a wacky carveout or deliberately setting out to make a point. Truly rare, enough so I can think of maybe 3 or 4 in the almost 3 years I've been here. There was one who wouldn't approve of appropriate housing for a large family with 8 kids; there was the CoBelle sich where her ex was in cahoots with the tt;there's Alorth's bizarre tt/judge situation; and a few carveout attempts in Washington. And even those worst case scenarios wound up, for the most part, turning out ok in the end. Zero reports of anyone locked up in jail or eaten by zombies

Maybe you can get the doc to up your meds during this trying time? Seriously find something to distract yourself with. A game night is always fun! And go take that walk. And sing, in the shower, while walking, wherever,

[Pizza]

If you like playing with statistics ... 1,261,140 people filed for bankruptcy protection last year.

How many horror stories have you heard? Probably less than 140, which would still leave 1,261,000 bankruptcies (99.98%) WITHOUT horror stories.

[Pjmax]

I would also guess that many of the horror stories that are on this board are here because those filers found this board after there was a problem.

Many of us found BKF before filing, read and learned a lot. Makes even the easiest (in retrospect) filings less stressful, when you understand the process, know what to expect, and always have shoulders to cry on you jest need to vent.

[keepsmiling]

^ Great points PJ. Let's hear it for the Joisey Goil!

[12000debt]

I would also guess that many of the horror stories that are on this board are here because those filers found this board after there was a problem.

Many of us found BKF before filing, read and learned a lot. Makes even the easiest (in retrospect) filings less stressful, when you understand the process, know what to expect, and always have shoulders to cry on you jest need to vent.

Absolutely! I was basically on even terms with my lawyer (concerning my case) by the time I got done reading here.

The lawyer had me signoff on all the paperwork before filing just in case I had questions, or might see errors.

Obviously, be open and honest with them.

Good luck!!

[LadyInTheRed]

IMO, the most important things for a stress-free BK are education and a good attorney. You say you have a good attorney. So, that's taken care of. Your attorney is one source of education and bkforum is a good supplement. So, you are off to a good start. Try not to worry about what might happen. There is nothing you can do about things that might happen until they actually do happen.

If distracting yourself with other things doesn't help distract you from your worries, try posting about what specifically you are worried about. We very well may be able to tell you why you don't have to worry. If not, we'll tell you to talk to your attorney. That way, you won't drive your attorney mad with your worrying.

[wellnowwhat]

Well it's great to hear that reading about everyone else's experience has been helpful for all of you. I've been going over a lot of posts on the forum and they do help alleviate some of my anxiety. And again, I appreciate that I'm very new here and you all have been very supportive.

[Pizza]

I would also guess that many of the horror stories that are on this board are here because those filers found this board after there was a problem.

Precisely! No problems at all = less likelihood to scour the internet for places to vent. So most information you find out there pertains to BK cases that require clarification and advice on how to fix various 'snafus'.

The ones that go off without a hitch (the overwhelming majority) are far less likely to be spoken of on the internet. They just complete, and that's it.

[Forthebirds]

Filing BK was very stressful for us. The worst part was the unknown. I have read this forum for many, many hours, and have seen the good and the bad. We tend to see the bad and worry it will happen to us. Stopping the CC payments was so difficult to accept. It felt so wrong to me. Since you already have an attorney, he/she will field the calls for you and you should be left alone for awhile. From when we stopped paying to when we filed, it was 6 months. I only ever heard from 1 creditor during that time (Citibank sent my acct to collections). The company wanted to settle, I kept telling them I was filing Ch 7, they eventually left me alone. I was so afraid I would get sued. So afraid we would be forced to move. All of these things that never happened and were the result of anxiety. I can tell you, it does get better. We aren't discharged yet but have had our 341 and I feel better about things. You will too! Just think about all the people who file each year, people just like you. I hope you can enjoy your new baby without the BK stuff giving you too much stress. You will be ok!!

[oopsnow]

feels like I'm in the same boat.

I too am having those thoughts on my pending BK. Granted, I don't plan on it until next year, don't have an attorney, yet, but am not sure of what steps I should take to prepare for that day.

I also have read this Forum but not nearly all of it and am afraid I am missing something from what I have not read. I'm trying to do it in a logical manner, but my thoughts goes in all different directions on any one subject.

I was trying to find a-what we call in nursing-PLAN OF CARE type thing for steps to follow in a linear path: when to change banks, and if, indeed, I need too; when to stop paying on CC, when to talk to that attorney, etc, but have not found it yet.

At this point, I don't have a lot of confidence in myself to make those decisions because most of my financial decisions in the past have been failures, otherwise I would not be in this position. I usually work 60-72 hours a week to try to pay my CC bills, but, at my age of 65 I can't do it the length of time required to pay them off. My husband is on disability/SS and I still need to work enough to keep our health insurance, but I don't know if that will fly with the means test; I'm still working on that.

Plus, we live in Georgia, and have since 07-husband's work brought him here-stroke took him off work rolls but I still work here. We own a home in TX-paid for-and daughter is living there to keep it up. (She does not pay rent, works less than minimum wage) We pay tax and insurance; but I worry what the BK will do to that situation.

Worry, worry, worry. But, I am getting a lot of info on this forum, so I thank all of you. (I tend to ramble.)

[Greenrose]

I am also feeling pre-filing anxiety. I am glad I was able to read the responses in this thread.