New to this. Need some guidance.

[mhsaltz]

My wife and I are about to finally file chapter 13. The prep work has been done, the lawyer has been paid and god willing the filing will be made before the end of the month. We are attempting to avoid foreclosure, pay off $120,000 in credit card debt and keep things as stable as possible. My situation is simply a combination of bad judgment and irresponsibility. I feel that I have let my family down and worst of all, myself. I am humiliated, ashamed and very disappointed with myself. The ridiculous thing is that my wife and I make good livings. On top of everything, I am in a profession where I should know better than to let this have happened to me. I feel that my life has been ruined and I have five unbearable years to get through. I do not mean to depress anybody but how do you guys handle this and keep yourself together?

[AngelinaCat]

Hi Friend: Welcome to the forum. First things first. You may have made bad decisions; you are NOT a bad personm and no one condemns you except for YOU. You are at the very beginning of this very stressful process. Trust me, all of the members here, myself included, have been where you are and are feeling/have felt what you are going through right now. I will say that it DOES get better, though you won't believe it right now, but it does.

Try to look at everything, every decision you have to make, as a BUSINESS decision. Try to keep the emotions out of it as much as you possibly can.

Please know that you have found a large support group here and can come and ask questions, and even rant if you need too, just to get it out of your system.

Now, please give yourself a hug, and go hug the family and assure everyone that everything will be okay, because it will, by and by. You just have to give it some time.

HUGGSS!

[owoody]

You sound alot like us.We are in the process too and have about the same amount of debt and we also make good money.I think that even makes us feel worse about it all.We have lost about 1500.00 a month income and can no longer pay all our creditors.Its just the fact that we did make good money and we still got deeper and deeper into debt and now we are in trouble financially and have to do a Ch 13. I`ve become obessed with reading this forum trying to learn from everybody else and it has really helped with alot of the questions I had..The unknown is the scary part. I too am worried about the next 5 years without credit as a backup and hopefully like everyone else,we will do fine.As of now our plan will be 1700.00 for 60 months and will file in a month or so.I need to get caught up on estimated taxes since Im self employed and hopefully the creditors don`t drive me too crazy until then.Im just gonna tell them all we will be filing soon.... Good Luck to You and Thank You everybody else for your insight...............

[GabeLogan]

I am in the same boat ($80,000 in credit cards debt) and I am glad to find this forum. I feel the same way you do but at least we are trying to do right. Knowing you are not alone really help. I am going to see the lawyer tomorrow (she already got all my paper works and half the fee) to work out the payment plan for Chapter 13. Don't beat yourself up over it because it doesn't help the situation. I was very 'grumpy' and 'snappy' at wife and kids just because I am so stressed about our finance. I have been trying to think more 'logistically' to reduce the stress. I look at BK is the 'best' solution available my situation and I probably will make about the same amount of payment (may be less) for 60 months instead of 300 months. We always complaint that time goes by so fast with the kids (10 and 15 year old), I told my wife "The next 5 years won't be so fast..." and we have a chuckle out of that.

[researchnerd]

Your life has not been ruined, you're just taking an unplanned, temporary detour. The road doesn't always look like we think it's going to. If it helps at all, there are a lot of us in similar situations. We were making great $$ until DH was laid off 2 years ago, but my salary alone is well over the median in my state. Even without DH's income we should be doing great, but we made some bad decisions and got in over our heads. It happens. Now we're resetting to a lifestyle that can be maintained on one income over the long term - which in our case includes losing our home. Hindsight is 20/20, we really should have done this to begin with, but you can't change the past -- all you can do is move forward, a little older and wiser. And we have learned some massive lessons in the process.

Dwelling on your feelings of humiliation and shame does not serve anyone. In fact, it can distract you from the important things...like spending time with family. We all feel a certain amount of this guilt, it's human nature, but all I can say is just try to feel it and then let it go. The sooner you move on from that, the clearer your path forward will be.

As AngelinaCat said, it's not personal, it's a business decision. Finance companies and banks do it all the time and don't give it a second thought. You might be interested in this article: Strategic Default: It's a Business Decision