Too little - too late

[FreshLikeADaisy]

This is why I'm not sure I want him in my life. When I met him, over the course of several conversations he would literally say he wanted to forget the past and move forward.

*shudder*

I would not let him and I refuse to let him to just move forward. I told him I WILL have questions and I WILL ask them and I WILL expect answers.

You GO girl! Good for you!!!!!

That takes some stones to put into practice. I am sincerely impressed! Good luck to you!

[chpxiii]

Every single time someone has come back into my life *sideways* like that, wanting to pick up where it left off without addressing anything that happened before, it was just as disastrous as the first time around. Ditto for people who plead for forgiveness and restoration without ever acknowledging that what they did actually harmed you or was wrong. The people who sincerely acknowledged and apologized for problems before presuming to sit back down and make themselves to home again were the ones worth keeping.

This is why I'm not sure I want him in my life. When I met him, over the course of several conversations he would literally say he wanted to forget the past and move forward.

I would not let him and I refuse to let him to just move forward. I told him I WILL have questions and I WILL ask them and I WILL expect answers.

[jmstay]

sweet

[FreshLikeADaisy]

Him thinking he could just swing back into my life as if nothing happened....

Wow... you know, regardless of what his trip really is, whether he's found some staying power in the intervening decades or not, whether he actually has something to add to your life or has just run out of people to use up and is now old and alone, I just gotta say -- people who can maintain that level of unreality drive me batsh*t before they even DO anything wrong (again). It's the proverbial elephant in the living room. Like having tea with Hitler. To me, his silence is like him saying to you, "Yeah, I know I was gone for a decade short of half a century, but I don't see why that should make any difference."

*goggle*

I'm not saying he's not repentant or whatever, I'm just saying that the failure to openly address or even really acknowledge the SCREAMING WRONGS already done -- in your case a 37 year absence -- as a necessary and indispensible prelude to moving forward, would make me crazy. The cognitive dissonance would tear my brain cells apart one by one.

Every single time someone has come back into my life *sideways* like that, wanting to pick up where it left off without addressing anything that happened before, it was just as disastrous as the first time around. Ditto for people who plead for forgiveness and restoration without ever acknowledging that what they did actually harmed you or was wrong. The people who sincerely acknowledged and apologized for problems before presuming to sit back down and make themselves to home again were the ones worth keeping.

I dunno, you may have better luck.

[danaf]

I read this post at work today and was lmao!

thanks for the good humor!!!!

[kl030505]

I just want to say, I *heart* this post. You are hysterically funny and I sincerely hope you post every single convo you have. It will make my days a little cheerier.

[nazstar]

You're funny, nazstar.

meh, I try! ;-)

Gotta run for a while! have a good night!

[chpxiii]

Depends on "what" is owed. You may see it as all the financial support he didn't give you and he might see his "debt" as missing out on your life. So, you are looking for a check, and he's looking to bond over a bottle of Merlot and pour over your freaking yearbook. No idea what's in his mind - don't know him.

Yep. It's definitely that way. Him thinking he could just swing back into my life as if nothing happened. And even if he gave me the money he owed from back child support (with interest), it can't even begin to pay for other support, like... just being a dad. yanno?

As for creditors, I haven't answered any more calls today but, I will DEFINITELY keep you posted.

You're funny, nazstar.

[nazstar]

However, here's a philosophical question for ya: if he gives what he owes but it comes with a "price tag" of him being in my life, is he really paying back what he owes?

At anyrate, back on track to the discussion at hand... your funny comments to creditors who come calling.

Depends on "what" is owed. You may see it as all the financial support he didn't give you and he might see his "debt" as missing out on your life. So, you are looking for a check, and he's looking to bond over a bottle of Merlot and pour over your freaking yearbook. No idea what's in his mind - don't know him.

As for creditors, I haven't answered any more calls today but, I will DEFINITELY keep you posted.

[chpxiii]

Hmmmm. I can understand the desire to at least get the money you feel you are owed. But, that's probably gonna come with a price of him being in your life - if you aren't ready for that, it may just be a bad idea that brings more heartache than solutions. And I don't think this could ever happen at a "good time", but don't let it take away from all you accomplished. Completing your Chapter 13 is your victory to savor - this issue with your dad is separate. Don't let this overshadow all you've done!

Thanks, nazstar!

And I totally agree re: money and him being in my life. While I don't feel like I owe him anything and he definitely owes me, I don't want his money PRECISELY because it may mean having him in my life.

However, here's a philosophical question for ya: if he gives what he owes but it comes with a "price tag" of him being in my life, is he really paying back what he owes?

I'd also have no problem with taking the money and running.

But, I couldn't do that.

At anyrate, back on track to the discussion at hand... your funny comments to creditors who come calling.

[nazstar]

I do know that I DO want some of his money since he "did so well in life" - if only to pay off my student loans. He's got two other kids he stuck around for and even put through college.

Bastard. I was on such a high of paying off my chpt. 13 9 months early when this happens in my life. Yeah, my boyfriend and I did go out to California to meet him Thanksgiving week.

Hmmmm. I can understand the desire to at least get the money you feel you are owed. But, that's probably gonna come with a price of him being in your life - if you aren't ready for that, it may just be a bad idea that brings more heartache than solutions. And I don't think this could ever happen at a "good time", but don't let it take away from all you accomplished. Completing your Chapter 13 is your victory to savor - this issue with your dad is separate. Don't let this overshadow all you've done!

[chpxiii]

I figured I can deal with the calls on my own terms or I can just ignore them and hit "mute" on my ringer all day. Whether or not I take a call usually depends on my mood.

This is my opinion of my phone and phone calls: I pay for my phone. It is for my convenience. I answer only if it is convenient for me to talk to the person. Otherwise, they can leave a voice mail or not. I am not at the beck and call of an electronic object.

Once I took on that attitude, I have never felt any rush to answer the phone.

[chpxiii]

I'm with Nazstar, that's a whole 'nother level of hell. Quitting your job to keep from having to feed your kids? Daaaaaang...

My sperm donor left for Mexico. Started a whole new life. Found me 37 years later (2 weeks ago infact) and now expects to be in my life as my "father" and expected me to just fall all over him saying, "OH DADDY! I'M SO GLAD YOU FOUND ME!" (I'm 39 now. I was 2 when he left.)

*koff*

I dont think so. Ultimately I told him I needed time to decide what I want to do. I'm not even sure I want him in my life now. Or his side of the family.

I do know that I DO want some of his money since he "did so well in life" - if only to pay off my student loans. He's got two other kids he stuck around for and even put through college.

Bastard. I was on such a high of paying off my chpt. 13 9 months early when this happens in my life. Yeah, my boyfriend and I did go out to California to meet him Thanksgiving week.

[nazstar]

Now I just have to remember how to turn the ringer back on...

I figured I can deal with the calls on my own terms or I can just ignore them and hit "mute" on my ringer all day. Whether or not I take a call usually depends on my mood.

[nazstar]

No. The job does not start until January 2, and I found out when I got home from the 341. Besides, he didn't even ask about employment. My husband is military, so I guess he figures that there probably won't be any changes They own us more than the BK court does!

Ok! I just wanted to make sure. But now that you know the answer, CONGRATULATIONS! GO GIRL, GO GIRL, GOT THE JOB, WOOT! WOOT!

Yeah...waaaaay too much sugar.