When should I file?

[spooby72]

I have my chapter 7 packet ready to go.....currently have $20 in the bank account but wife gets paid this Friday....was going to pay our house payment with that money online on Friday to get the money back out of the account.

Should I file before payday this Friday or should I wait til this months house payment clears and file early next week?

[herekitty]

Are you doing the paperwork yourself?

In my case, I have a lawyer and we did our paperwork last Friday - he still hasn't called to sign the petition. If it were me, I might just wait until the house payment has cleared. If anything, go to the bank and get a money order for the payment - that way the account is empty anyhow and you won't have to wait a week for the check to get processed and cleared. They do look at what the balance is on your account at the BEGINNING of the bank day - so maybe try out monday?

[Whittio]

Another great question that I was going to look into today! I just got my moms bank statements for the last 3 months (but she actually gave me March/April/May so I don't have June or July.. she's an idiot!) ANYWAY, in looking at her balance for these months, she always has a few hundred in there.. but it's because she has to save up to pay her bills at the end of the month. So it just so happens, her statements end on the 16th of the month, so on each statement, there's about $300-$500 in there. But by the 16th, she only has 2 more paychecks till her rent & utilities are all due!

I think what I'll have her do is what herekitty suggested, get money orders for her bills once the money is all available. Like her rent is $445, so once she collects $445 in there, get a money order for it. Then once she collects enough for her other bills, get money orders for those too. Just DON'T leave the money IN the account?! Would that be OK?

[herekitty]

That's the suggestion that I've been seeing alot in these threads ... I don't see why not? You get a stub, so if they ask why there's a withdrawl you can just show them.

[Whittio]

What about her owing ME money? Like I had to pay for the form7.com software, that's $35, and what if she gives me $100 for all my work in this. (she STILL owes me for filing her tax return for her months ago, and she's never had the "extra cash".. grrr) Will that look suspicious? Or can we just tell them what it was for? I mean, I am not expected to do EVERYTHING for my mom am I?

[herekitty]

It seems like bigger dollar amounts ie over $600 are what to be concerned about. I'm not sure, but I don't see $100 being a red flag all that much and if she explains it was costs associated with the bankruptcy that you helped her file it should be a no-brainer.

I give my mom cash for my car every month since we are cosigned on the lease which my lawyer said was good and to not write a check to her. Perhaps cash would be a good way to get around the situation as long it is in a necessary amount?

Hope that helps!

[Minnymouth]

What about her owing ME money? Like I had to pay for the form7.com software, that's $35, and what if she gives me $100 for all my work in this. (she STILL owes me for filing her tax return for her months ago, and she's never had the "extra cash".. grrr) Will that look suspicious? Or can we just tell them what it was for? I mean, I am not expected to do EVERYTHING for my mom am I?

Why don't you PAY MOM for "raising you" - then she won't be in a financial bind!!!!!

Minny

[Whittio]

Why don't you PAY MOM for "raising you" - then she won't be in a financial bind!!!!!

Minny

Good idea Minny, and then I could be the one filing BK.

Here in California, my husband makes $40k a year and I stay home to raise and home school our kids and we have a family of 5. I can't afford to support my mom too!~ (she makes $20K to support 1)

I don't charge mom to help her, I charge her for what I have to PAY for, like the software I use to do this BK for her and to file her taxes.

Also, I think if my mom can afford $120 in cigarettes every month, (the same things that will cause her to get her legs amputated in a year or two) then she can afford to reimburse me for my expenses.

My mom is only 57, I am sure I will have MANY years in the future in which I have to care for her. But right now, she needs to do it for herself!

[Minnymouth]

I apologize for being so "blunt" - but you really don't realize how your posting "sounded" when I first read it.
I don't mean to judge you - not my place!!
After I posted my response, I went back and read all the other posting that you have entered.

Please accept my humble apology for "sticking my foot in my mouth" so to speak - (that must come from me chatting with "Lightening"), lol....

From your postings things have not been good for you for the last couple of years. I can relate to that! For 7 years I had an invalid parent at home that took it toll on my entire life....bankruptcy was a part of this too..

Yes your mother should be handling her own affairs at her age if she's capable.......and financially there's no reason why she can't live on what she makes - lots of others do...

My mother - you had to hold her hand - for everything all her life. And if you would spend your money so she didn't "have" too - she eat it up!!!

So I am "eating humble pie" and asking for forgiveness!!!

I am the same age as your mother, I have handled my own affairs all my life and those of my mother for 20 years since my dad died.

Guide her with wisdom, opinion, and thoughfullness......let her pay her own freight!!! If she has to give up "cigs" - SO BE IT!!!
And I'm a smoker also........ ( a bad habit to start)... but I pay my own freight in life....

Sorry,

Minny

[Whittio]

Minny, thanks for your humble response. I am so short with people these days with all that has gone on in my life, I just don't have the patience I should.

My mom would seriously take advantage of any situation. I have gotten her into a senior apartment complex, moved her while I was pregnant in the snow, on my daughters BIRTHDAY! She didn't even tell my daughter happy birthday! I have called her creditors and gotten lower interest rates, I have been with her every day that she spent while in the hospital 3 years in a row, all the while she was *****ing and complaining and being rude to me. My brother wouldn't even pick up the phone to CALL her. It's all my responsibility.

My house has been for sale for over a year now. If/when it sells, we will move to Tennessee, purchase ourselves a nice house and also buy one for her to live in. I am not doing this out of the goodness of my heart, I am doing it out of necessity which pains me. I know my mom will lose her legs. No doubt about it. She has had 2 by-pass surgeries and the Dr. told her if she doesn't say away from smoke, it will not be repairable again. That was prior to the second surgery.

Mom won't do anything for herself. I told her to get new tires on her car before she had an accident. She didn't even know where to take the car. Com'on.. that's just ignorant! I told her to do it last Saturday, I talked to her on Sunday, she hadn't done it. I told her to do it that day, she HAD to get it done. I talked to her again on Monday, and she finally did it then. That's sickening!~

She needs to be responsible for something in her life. When she and my dad divorced, she got $150k cash. She blew through it in under 3 years. She bought anything and everything she wanted. And sold most of it for $100 once she moved in with a boyfriend. Then she called me crying that he kicked her out, I had to find an apartment for her, move her into that too. And then she bought more stuff on credit. Stuff she DIDN'T need. Then along came her operations, and when she needed money, she didn't have a dime, the state of California swallowed that expense.

I know full well I will be responsible for my mom and that's why we will have to take her to TN with us. Because she would be a financial burden on me if she was here and I was there. She has NO family, no friends, NOTHING, NADA, ZIP.

I have 3 children, 12, 10 & 6. And she is more immature and irresponsible then my 6 year old!

For 3 years now she has agreed to pay me $20 a year to do her taxes, because she was paying $60 to a tax preparer. That $20 was to help me purchase software to do our taxes. She hasn't paid me anything.

I know my mom loves me, but it's harder and harder to keep doing everything for her. With this BK, the only thing she has done in ALL of it, is to gather her bank statements (wrong ones even) and I had to drive over to get them, 30 minutes each way. I know you know how much work is involved in all this, and she hasn't lifted a finger to even help. It's frustrating. All the while, here I am with my OWN life issues. It's just too much sometimes. And she knows full well what I am dealing with, and still willing to be a burden on me. That's just sad.

[Minnymouth]

I DEFINITELY KNOW WHERE YOUR COMING FROM - WHITTIO.. Been there, did it for 7 years!!! Last 4 mine was an invalid - bedridden.... Thus started my world of finiding sitters (I work), hospitals, doctors, etc!!!
HARDEST PART - I'm single.....2 brothers in another state - very little morale support, no financial support....

So I can really relate to you in a lot of areas.

As long as you can "arrange" for your mom to live on her own - DO IT... even if it means taking her to TN (best option) and putting her in senior housing and "you" paying the bills from her account.

My mom was told "you give me POA or you take care of your own affairs"....NO OTHER CHOICE!!! But she was 70 when this all happened. Her choice was "nursing home - or me POA". With only those options, she chose to give me POA.

Your mom being 57 is going to "scream" at this suggestion! Be firm, remind her that someone else needs paperwork to be able to take care of her if something "happened" and she can't take care of herself.

Help you mom if you can if she will let you, but don't let her take advantage of the situation. Do not let her make you feel guilty because you say "NO".....or draw the line on certain things.

My mom "leaned" on me for 20 years after my dad died and I moved back home close to her. Bad mistake on my part moving close by!!!

You have a life and family also! Your family comes first, you have children and a spouse, your mom is young enough to get her "act" together and take care of herself if there is physically nothing wrong with her.

Yes, your future of "seeing after mom" is just starting...!
Make her take responsibility of herself - till she can't any longer...learn how to say NO and DO IT YOURSELF....
till the time comes that you have to "take control" of everything....

Been there, done it all.......

Should you like to continue on this topic, I might be able to offer some "morale support" in the future. There's lots of things you need to "know" when your mom can't take care of herself anymore...otherwise your hands will be tied.

Private message me how to contact you by IM if interested.

Yes, girl, you got your "hands and head" both full these days.....YOU HAVE MY SYMPATHY.....

Minny

[Whittio]

Thanks Minny. I know others can relate, and that's very helpful. Right now, I just need to get my dang phone working! That will be one thing off my list.. LOL. I have called every day since Monday, and they keep telling me it's fixed, or it's a modem problem. Stupid thing is, my line my computer is on, with a modem, is working perfectly. It's my OTHER line.. GRRRR..

Anyway, mom is too "independent" to let me have POA right now. I am sure after we do this BK, she won't listen to me about putting away a few bucks each month, and then when something happens, she'll need me. We have our own $16k in CC debt. I can't afford to support her!

It's just life, and that's fine, I just wish I could manage mine before I had to manage hers too.

[Minnymouth]

Just let her "know" that after all this is over - she better save some "quarters" because you will no longer be able to help her financially....Be real firm about it!!!

Learn to tell her NO.... and she will find a way herself.. to solve the problem...

Remind her the option of filing BK again is only good every 6 yers and next time she would be forced into a 13 probably....thus still paying most of it back....

They talk about what parents "go thru" - BELIEVE ME -
I'VE PAID FOR MY RAISING...............AND MY BROTHERS TOO....

Minny

[Whittio]

Oh Minny, I can't "tell" my mom anything. She says, "yeah, yeah, I know.. I know".. but then she doesn't listen to me.

I got VERY mad at her over the tires and she just blows me off. I yelled at her and said, "if your not going to listen to me, I am not going to help you!".. she knows I don't mean it!

Hopefully she'll get things in order after she gets this CC debt taken care of. She CAN do this. Like I said, we support a family of 5 on $40k, certainly she can do it on $20k. I know it's expensive to live here, (thus our reason for wanting to move to TN), but she can manage. I just hope she will sock a few bucks away for emergencies. I have told her she can NOT get a credit card for at least a year.. and even at that, I told her it's NEVER a good idea to get another. I just wish the CC companies would have a rule to NEVER give credit cards to people who have filed BK. OR at least make them wait 6 full years. She'll just get herself into debt again!

[Minnymouth]

I had a real hard time with my mom when she was 50 when I first came back to this area.
Once she realized I meant what I said - it was a whole new ballgame.
Sometimes it "hurt me" to say NO - but I did!!! It was for her good and me too!!!
Was hard to do - but worked after a few times..........
Don't buckle under her pressure!!!! Just mean what you say!!!
If she get mad - let her....mine did too.....

Try it - keep me posted what she says or does......maybe we can work around it so she understands what she's up against....

Might make your life a little easier right now......

My mom didn't "listen" either till I told her NO MORE.....I didn't have time for her problems, headaches, moans and groans, and could offer no financial help anymore. When she'd call and start the complaining etc. I'd say "sorry, gotta run, bye"....
After a few days of this she started getting the message...THAT I was not going to discuss it anymore....
Hopefully your mom will get the "hint" too.....

Without the knock down drag-out fights like my mom and I had till she got the message....

Let's hope so.....

Keep me posted,

Minny