How to list expenses when I'm a housewife...

[whattodo]

Hi,

I'm filing for chapter 7 and not my husband.

My husband has always been the 'breadwinner" and paid the bills including the ones in my name. I have a small side business making candles and sell about $2500.00 worth a month, less expenses, I make about $1000.00 a month profit, but don't claim the income on taxes.

I have about 20K in both secured and unsecured debt along with a horrible credit rating that I hope can get a fresh start with Chapter 7. My husband lost his job, which put us in bad financial problems including current foreclosure, and late payments which tore my credit up very bad. My $1000.00 a month lately has gone to buy groceries, put gas in my truck and take care of the children and animals.

I'm having trouble with expenses. My husband just started working again, but we are moving to a house to rent now since we are letting the house go in foreclosure (can't afford the high payments anymore). The rent is 1500.00 a month which we barely have.

I'm trying to come up with expenses for me to file Chapter 7. Being married, he will be paying the rent, phone, lights etc. and my extra money goes to pay for groceries, clothes, cable t.v., my cell phone, gasoline and school functions.

What do I list as expenses since he isn't filing chapter 7?

Will they consider his income in my case?

[HHM]

You are married and living together right?

Thus, his expenses are your expenses and vice versa.

So just list all your families expenses as if they were yours. Also, see my other post on you foreclosure question, why is your husband not filing with you.

[whattodo]

Hhm

Hi,

Why is my husband not filing?

Long story. Late last year, our marriage was going down the tubes, primarily to my unhappiness with the way he handles money, like not paying enough taxes and having IRS tax liens placed on our house which has taken a lot of our equity out to pay. He doesn't give me any household allowance, I make and sell candles to buy anything I need, in addition he holds sex over my head if I really need any money or peace around the house. I have no access to any of his money, bank accounts or his credit cards.

I also slowly attempted to drown my sorrows by drinking a bit too much each day and not being very pleasant to be around (like I'd let him have a piece of my mind when he came home from work about the financial situtation) which he couldn't handle which made him hide in his room.

Earlier this year, he secretly filed for divorce first and threatened to take full custody of our only child (which was born out of wedlock). Because of my drinking, he said he had a great case of taking our child away, even though I was never "out of control drunk", just very obnoxious to him only.

My divorce attorney told me to act like an angel, stop drinking wine, get the phsychological tests done (I passed with flying colors, just depressed) and be a good girl which I still am doing to this day.

When he filed the papers, he didn't have enough guts to face me, so he took our child out of school and left the state with him for several weeks without letting me talk to our son, in addition, he didn't tell his boss either and got FIRED.

He was making 180K a year before he got fired. Because of the divorce going on, he decided he was going to sell cars instead, to avoid any possible extreme child support order, etc.

Well, several months went by without him selling a car, meanwhile the mortgage went past due, along with car notes and the rest of the bills.

After a few more months, he decided to accept a job out of town and told me he wanted to stop the divorce because I had stopped drinking and that he didn't have time to attend the 30 day conferences. In addition, I couldn't pay my attorney any more money to represent me, so my attorney left.

I had to sign a voluntary waiver to stop the divorce.

He has now worked for several weeks and the money is starting to roll back in, but he isn't planning on catching up on the house note because he just doesn't want to be burdened with a large mortgage.

Instead of foreclosure, through my sole hard work and effort, I have found somebody, as of today, to catch up all the arrear payments and take over the house note. Which will stop the foreclosure. Like I really care because the house note is in his name only.

I found a house down the road to rent and plan to move there with my son, and I guess my husband, because I don't have a DIME to my name.

A lot of miscellaneous debts, like the car he drives, were in my name only (I use to work full time then chose to stay home with baby) and when he got fired, he stopped paying those which ruined my credit which is why I'm filing, plus I don't have any personal income to pay these debts and he won't pay them either.

I really don't want to stay married to him. He isn't a nice person and really has no idea what love really is. In addition, he is very negative and I'm tired of his depressive presence that just drags me down all the time.

He doesn't know I'm filing for bankruptcy... yet.

I'm very tired of his financial control over me. It's down right abusive.

[herekitty]

That whole situation is messed up! Being a housewife is the hardest job on the planet and you not only are getting NO compensation from him, but the way he treats you is down right wrong - you poor thing, I'm so sorry.

How much is credit card debt? What is the secured debt? I'm sure you know but you can't get rid of school loans.

It isn't much of my business, but you need to leave this guy. There are support networks out there to help women leave their husbands, find jobs and get on with their lives. Wouldn't it be a surprise when you serve him the papers this time?

Again, not my business - but it may be more beneficial for your mental health to file for divorce before filing for bankruptcy since you haven't shared this information with him. He doesn't sound so pleasant and I don't think he's going to have a supporting overtone when you tell him.

Everything will come around! Keep us informed!

[whattodo]

Well on the debt, I have about 5 credit cards with around 6K on them, a 7K unsecured loan that I got right after he filed so I could have an attorney (who quickly ate through that money), the car he drives (which he is also a cosigner), my truck and RV which was put together on one note so I could get 2K more for my divorce attorney, which left me with a 760.00 a month note for an old pickup truck and an RV which I just hate to sell because of my 7 year olds love for camping.

[herekitty]

Unfortunately it is an asset and there's a good chance you may lose the RV - but there's nothing like old fashioned camping - tents and all!

[Lightning]

You're not filing on much debt. If you plan to divorce, you'll need to get a job and earn some money so you can support yourself and your children. If you file bankruptcy now, you can't do it again for a very, very long time. If things get tough in 5 years, you'll be sued by creditors.

Your husband will probably not be happy to find out you've filed for bankruptcy which he will since you have joint assets and debt. You can't keep this a secret from him.

You have some big decisions to make about your life. Get counseling from any place you can. If you're religious, call on your clergy. If you're not, call social services in your area.

[HHM]

I agree with lighting, I think you are jumping the gun by filing now? At best, if you decdie to get a divorce, finalize the divorce first, then file bankruptcy. You don't have that much unsecured debt, and it would be better if you were divorced before filig bk, that way all the assets are divided and you have a clearly picture of what your divorce will look like.

It sounds like, even under the new law, you would still qualify for a Chapter 7.

[Pinktiger]

I agree with Lightning and HHM. You have worse problems than credit issues. You need to leave this man and get counseling and safeguard your sanity.
Years of living with a control freak have dulled your reflexes. There's no way I would put up with that abuse, but I've been down the road a bit longer than you have, LOL.
It could be that if you got a good enough divorce attorney, you could recoup some money even. But if nothing else, get out!!!

[whattodo]

I have medical bills too. He had me involuntary admitted to an adult addiction center to make me look very bad in court for the custody issue. Only to find that my insurance ended up not paying for the week visit because it was deemed "unnecessary".

That cost several thousands and I just got the bill today , in my name.

Good thing though is that I did a lot of phsychiological testing and they ruled out everything under the sun except for slight depression. This was nice proof that I am not the lunitic he wants everyone to think. I wonder if that is another reason he cancelled the divorce.

I have over 20K in debt all together.

[Pinktiger]

You may eventually have to file for BK. But in the meantime, you say you sold the house -- is there any equity? If so, you can tap into that.
Here's some advice:
You need to go back to the lawyer you retained for the divorce and tell him you are rethinking the divorce. You need to arrange for all of your personal effects to be stored somewhere (relative? friend?) temporarily and you need to leave for a women's shelter pending your divorce and relocation.
Because you know this man will take your son away if you don't, this is necessary.
Insist he get counseling before having visitation, and insist that the visitation be supervised for at least awhile.
Good luck!!!

[Pinktiger]

Also, and this is important: with 20K in debt, it is not likely that you will be able to file for Chapter 7 if you consider his income. You need to list both spouses' income and all expenses.

[whattodo]

Dulled senses. Yup. I guess you are right. That sums it up, you are so right.

I usually think of abuse as physical, not financial.

Right after I left my job to stay home with my son (4 years ago), he gave me an AMEX card with a 500.00 limit per month for household expenses. I would end up spending 600-700 each month going over the limit for this reason or that. So, after a year, he cut off the card and told me I was financially irresponsible.

That is when I started my own little biz making and selling candles.

As for divorce... most of my friends ask me to if its at all possible to "try" and make it work out with him for my son's sake. My son is 7. But I am so physically and emotionally repulsed by him, that I can't even stand to be in the same room with him. We have slept in separate rooms for several years.

I was served by the sheriff 2 days ago, that one of my creditors is suing me. It's just financially getting bad for me.

This may sound evil, but I've really had it. I'm thinking that I can rent a place. Have him move in with us and pay the security deposit and get all the utilities on, etc. Move only the basic furniture and get rid of the rest in a moving sale. File bankruptcy, then, after a month or two after finding a job, file for divorce. In my own thinking, if the court gives me custody, btw I am a very good loving mother, that I should be allowed child support and/or alimony which will be more than nothing that I'm getting now. I feel all I basically need is a roof over our head, and I'll pay for things with cash until my credit gets better in a year or two.

I feel it's easier to remove him when the rental lease will be in my name only, and the bare minimum furniture, which he hates anyway, will probably stay.

After divorcing him, the time he spends with our son may be filled more with quality time than his usual pat on the head and playing a game or two with him like he does now.

Anybody thinks this sounds like a plan?

[whattodo]

Also, and this is important: with 20K in debt, it is not likely that you will be able to file for Chapter 7 if you consider his income. You need to list both spouses' income and all expenses.

What?

His income counts? Even if we are not filing jointly?

[HHM]

What?

His income counts? Even if we are not filing jointly?

Only if you are living together.