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    Introduction and a few questions?

    I have posted a few times but not taken the time to introduce myself. I felt I should because this forum has been very helpful, both emotionally and answering some basics. I have had one meeting with our atty (a rather large firm) and several discussions with our paralegal. Yesterday we gave the atty a check and all of the required paperwork.

    I am married but filing for myself. We have used my name/ credit for years because that was just the way it always was. I handle the bills and juggled the cards. When we first married, my husband was in school and I was working. Now we have 2 children whom we homeschool. I have not worked outside of the home in 8 years. I do occassional babysitting, but with 2 kids and their activities (hs groups), we have an easier time managing that when we don't have other kids here.

    Our credit cards have been an issue for years. We pay some off (refinance or consolidation loan), transfer some balances to 0%, you get the idea. My husband was transferring $$ constantly just to cover the minimum payments. We weren't buying much of waht we needed like a new bed for my son, repairs on the house, etc. Everything was going to the cards or an emergency van repair,etc. We finally reached a breaking point and discussed the option of filing chapter 7 for me. We are in NY.

    Our home mtg is in my husband's name alone. The last time we refinanced, my cards were so high it hurt more than anything. Both of our names are stll on the deed. Mtg. balance is 67, 000 or so. Our value is around 118,000. The atty said we could exempt the equity if it was over 50,000 (25,000) per person?? or we could exempt the tax refund (usually around 5,000) each year. We use that $ to catch up (heating bills or put a little back into savings). I have been a nervous wreck, not sleeping, so worried about we will meet the obligations for the children~ college, a car, etc. in their future. It has been so hard not having any money left over or being able to take care of the house like we should be. For example, we repainted the cabinets and replaced the countertop and got a new fridge (3 years ago), but never replaced the tearing tile floor.

    Don't get me wrong, I do feel hopeful, but am still very afraid. This is the first month I EVER missed a cc payment. It was very strange and still feels kind of surreal. I always thought I had to pay those no matter what. Thank you for reading all of this. I hope I can contribute something here and just appreciate having people to talk to.

    #2
    Hi Amanda,

    I recently had a long post here about "The Stress of not Paying" and lots of users contributed. It was about the feelings I was experiencing while missing the first cc payment in my life. I know exactly how you feel. I was a jumble of emotions, holding myself back from going online and clicking the "Pay" button on the day it was due right before it was too late. It feels surreal, bad, good, relief, guilt, hope....I can keep going, but you know it since you are going through it. What kept me focused was seeing this through to build a better future for my family. And behold, in less than 1 month of not paying those cc's I managed to save enough for the attorney's fees.

    You're not alone, hang in there and ask away!
    Stopped paying: 08/10, Filed CH7: 08/27/10 , 341 & No Asset Report: 10/6/10, Last day to object: 12/06/10, Discharged: 12/07/10, Closed: 12/08/10
    AHEM.....NOT AN ATTORNEY, NOT ADVICE, ETC, ETC

    Comment


      #3
      I would say the guilt over not paying does let up in time. Especially once you realize that the trade off is a good thing for your family. Lets you concentrate on the family once you are no longer stressing over the cards.
      Get mortgage modified: DONE! 7 months of back interest payments amortized, payment reduced over $200/mo
      (In the 'planning' stage, to file ch. 13 if/when we have to.)

      Comment


        #4
        Amanda, here's the post I was mentioning earlier.

        Stopped paying: 08/10, Filed CH7: 08/27/10 , 341 & No Asset Report: 10/6/10, Last day to object: 12/06/10, Discharged: 12/07/10, Closed: 12/08/10
        AHEM.....NOT AN ATTORNEY, NOT ADVICE, ETC, ETC

        Comment


          #5
          I too just stopped paying for the first time this month. I felt horrible. However, I look at it this way. Very unforseen circumstances put me in this position along with some stupidity. I nursed my father with brain cancer at home for 2 years (a 48 hr a day job which I will never ever regret), helping my son, wife and kids keep a roof over their heads and eat (alot of my debt from cash advances when his unemployment ran out) and then some really stupid "spending" during my grief period when my dad died. Honestly, I would not change what I did and truth be told..........if they said I could save my fathers life by running up more debt.........I would have done it in a heartbeat.

          The really important things in life are your family, health and good friends......keep that in mind as you travel this road!!!

          I, like alot of people here, had an excellent score - probably right up to missing that first payment - but life deals us blows and sometimes need help. Do not feel bad, save your strength and energy for the phone calls you will get (mine just started big time with the first missed payment) and concentrate on saving for an attorney.


          Read and most of all Plan your strategy! I am waiting out some balance transfers, advances and have been here since April. There is a wealth of knowledge and support in this forum.......take advantage.
          Filed CH 7 4/15/11
          341 5/23/11
          DISCHARGED & CLOSED ON 7/27/11

          Comment


            #6
            Thank you everyone, for your warm welcome. I appreciate that others have suffered through this. It was really hard to even register at this site. I felt a lot of shame and remorse. I feel better now. I am concerned about the $ we gave the atty and what life will be like as we move forward. Should I ask my questions here or in a new thread?

            csjoe, thank you for that link. I think we joined around the same time and are at a similar place in the process.

            Comment


              #7
              Amanda, I think you should ask in a new thread, title specific. That way those with specific experience on your subject can contribute.

              I think we did join at a similar time. Mind if I ask what your timeframe looks like? I'm signing paperwork tomorrow and filing Friday....tic toc..and still deluded into occasionally thinking I can pull the plug on this any time before Friday and call all the cc companies and make friends and hold hands...LOL. Wow, mine is a weird mind!!!
              Stopped paying: 08/10, Filed CH7: 08/27/10 , 341 & No Asset Report: 10/6/10, Last day to object: 12/06/10, Discharged: 12/07/10, Closed: 12/08/10
              AHEM.....NOT AN ATTORNEY, NOT ADVICE, ETC, ETC

              Comment


                #8
                Ok, I will make new threads. I just didn't want to sound dumb. I have googled my questions, but the right sites are not coming up.

                We first met with the atty at the very end of July. We started collecting the paperwork and just made his payment and dropped off completed paperwork yesterday. They said I was organized, seems silly in such a matter, and that would help get everything ready. They said the consumer credit counseling would call in a couple of days to schedule something for me to do online. I guess once I do that and the atty's paperwork is ready, we meet to go over it and sign. Then they file. I hope it does not take too long. I am anxious to get the 341 over with. I felt a little scared handing over the $ because it really makes it real. I have some fears they will say, "are you crazy?? you better find a way to pay this..." or something like that. I have received a few phone calls. I feel bad about some of them. Some of these cards I've had for 25 years. I got a couple of store cards right out of college and always paid them off or had small balances. It was hard not to try and keep those!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Amanda, if I may suggest, see if the attorney's office can email you the petition prior to your signing meeting. That way you have appropriate time to go over it at your own pace and identify any areas of concern that you may overlook at a signing meeting.

                  We already did our counseling. Handing money over was the same as you. I paid the retainer in cash and had a tight grip on the bills...lol.

                  I have been lucky with calls, only had 2 cards call so far. Told one of them to talk to my attorney (gosh that was hard to say for the first time) and have to lead other one on until filing date this Friday.
                  Stopped paying: 08/10, Filed CH7: 08/27/10 , 341 & No Asset Report: 10/6/10, Last day to object: 12/06/10, Discharged: 12/07/10, Closed: 12/08/10
                  AHEM.....NOT AN ATTORNEY, NOT ADVICE, ETC, ETC

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Dear Amanda,

                    I know what you are going through. I have lost both of my parents and Grandparents now. I was trying so hard to rob Peter to pay Paul that when my Grandma died we could barely afford to drive to her funeral , let alone send flowers. (I regret this now)
                    I would like to believe that none of us here would have ever chosen to end up in this forum. Loss of jobs, illnesses with the loss of health insurance, and yes, bad financial choices in these tough economic times.....Hang in there and come here to ask questions, learn from other's experience and vent. This forum has saved me from having a complete break down. I was crying every day. We are losing our home through all of this and it is sad but there is just no way we can afford to keep it, but I had to grieve. My little dog is buried in our backyard and the day we drive away will be tough. This was to be our forever home.
                    I look forward today to a fresh start and making better financial choices for our future.
                    Our best to you.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I haven't spoken to anyone yet. I actually had a nightmare that someone was on the other end of the phone when I answered and they wouldn't speak. How crazy is that?? I know what you mean about not wanting to disappoint the cc companies. I had all kinds of ideas how we would eventually pay them off or how we might get a head some day. It was very detrimental to our relationship too. Neither one of us knew what to do and didn't want to blame the other, so we just didn't talk about it. Thank you for the advice about looking at the petition, I will do that.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        cantbreathe, I am so sorry about your home and your grandmother Thank you for your kind words. I am grateful to finally have gotten up the nerve to join and start posting. It is definitely a grieving process.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Welcome! I just recently cancelled my payments arrangements made with the few CC that would work with me. I actually apolgized to Sears b/c they have been so nice helping with no interest and fixed low monthly payments. I felt terrible (still do).

                          I just had my first meeting yesterday w/ the attorney. Hoping to get him paid before the end of October to file.

                          Good Luck to you!
                          "I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!" Ch 7 Filed 7/15/11 * 3 Minute 341 8/19/11 * Discharged 10/20/11

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Wow, you guys. I'm so sorry to hear some of the stories. I empathize. As I said in another thread, my parents are elderly and everything is on me financially. If they go before me, I'll have to bury them. There's so much my money has to take care of, so that's why I filed, in order to free up my finances for the inevitable and for a better quality of life.
                            Filed August 20 341 on September 23 Report of No Distribution - September 24 Case Discharged and Closed on November 23!!!

                            Comment


                              #15
                              We ourselves are at the same point in the process. We meet with Atty tomorrow to go over paperwork before filing. Calls are coming in and letters are received almost daily. We have one judgment which pushed us to finally file. We, too, used to have stellar credit. Same, here, had some cc's for 20 years in excellent standing before all of this began.
                              Again, Best wishes.

                              Comment

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