Joint Visa account with my father and getting ready to file Chapter 7!

[Jacey]

My father got me a credit card on his account when I was in college. 20+ years later, he still has my name on the account even though I haven't had a card for 20 years. I am about to file Chapter 7, and it is extremely important that he doesn't find out. There is no balance on that card because he pays it off every month. I asked him to remove me from the account after I saw it on my credit report last week. He said he would call, but I have to make certain that it won't mess up his account/tip him off. Please don't tell me to be honest with him, because I just really can't. This amounts to a huge failure in my family, and I just can't hear it at this point. Any advice on how to handle this?

[dumpinmydebt]

Joint or authorized user?

If authorized, you are in the clear, but for joint, if you can't get him to remove it, you will have no choice but to tell him. Sorry to say that.

Tell him you got a few cards in your name and need your name removed from his account because you think you have too many accounts open now. Tell him you appreciate the credit building it has done, but now that you have accounts in your name, you really want to just keep everything in your name only. Tell him you are applying for a loan and they told you you have too many open trade lines so you need him to remove you from the account asap.

Also, if you are joint, have YOU tried calling to get your name removed? If you are joint, then you should be able to do this. Then have the credit card company send you a confirmation that this was done.

You need to consider what will happen if he doesn't remove you from it. They will likely close the account on him. So he will find out anyway.

[scorpion35]

My father got me a credit card on his account when I was in college. 20+ years later, he still has my name on the account even though I haven't had a card for 20 years. I am about to file Chapter 7, and it is extremely important that he doesn't find out. There is no balance on that card because he pays it off every month. I asked him to remove me from the account after I saw it on my credit report last week. He said he would call, but I have to make certain that it won't mess up his account/tip him off. Please don't tell me to be honest with him, because I just really can't. This amounts to a huge failure in my family, and I just can't hear it at this point. Any advice on how to handle this?

chances are he will find out either way

[Jacey]

How would he find out? He said he would remove me from the account when I told him that I had too much open credit, but will that really fix it?

[tcreegan]

Hi Jacey,

and it is extremely important that he doesn't find out ..a huge failure in my family

Remember that a generation ago people knew the people they dealt with, the banker lived in town, you could have a tab at the grocery store, and if you defaulted on a loan you were letting a neighbor down.

Fast forward to today....to a cc company you are a number in their risk-analysis program, mortgages are held by national companies and they just proved they can't even process the paperwork fast enough, no one looks at or cares about your situation, the only thing that matters is the bottom line. Your default on their credit isn't even going to make a dent in their earnings, they planned for your default and increased profits somewhere else to cover it.

A BK is a business decision, nothing personal. It is numbers on paper and the best course of action to protect your long-term financial outlook. It's tough for a lot of folks to separate the personal from the business aspect of BK, but when you do, you will make better decisions and walk away with a much better prospect for future success.

As to the credit card, dumpinmydebt has the best answer....call the cc company and ask them. If you are a joint holder they will talk to you, if you are not they will say they can't disclose anything to you.

And as others have said, be prepared for Dad to find out anyhow. Many cc companies have automated programs that notify them of BKs as they are filed. There is a slight chance the computer wasn't updated w/ the name change and the acct is frozen or closed. Slight chance, if your name gets removed there should be no problem.

Good luck with this, hope it turns out for the best...

Tom in Colo

[Jacey]

Thanks, everyone. I have developed a huge inferiority complex since losing my high-paying job that almost completely defined me and used up most of my waking hours. I think that all I have that's worth much is the love and respect of my family. I know that they would still love me, but I come from a long line of people who believe that not paying your debts is indicative of a huge character flaw. I have trouble listening to the conversations about the "dead beats" who don't pay their bills at my family's business, etc...I think that would be my final straw to have them see me that way. I can't even contemplate what that conversation would be like if I told them. I know I'm an adult and I have to face my problems in order to fix them, but I can't do that one!

[Pandora]

Thanks, everyone. I have developed a huge inferiority complex since losing my high-paying job that almost completely defined me and used up most of my waking hours.

I think that all I have that's worth much is the love and respect of my family. I know that they would still love me, but I come from a long line of people who believe that not paying your debts is indicative of a huge character flaw.

You need to rewire your thinking - hard to do sometimes, but a necessity. High-paying jobs/money do not define who you are as a person in life, it defines what you can buy and how much debt you can wrack up "keeping up with the Jones". So re-tune your thinking and definition to be who you are (gentle, kind, caring, loyal, etc) and what you provide to yourself and your immediate family (hubby, kids). Doing this now is securing your financial future so that you will not make the same mistakes and learn how to live within your current income and limits.

Your family (mom, dad, sisters, brothers, etc) aren't in your shoes or situation, and until they are, they can judge all they want. Are they going to pay your bills for you so you dont have their "stigma"? That would be my first response to anyone that stated something idiotic as to our filing BK - and we've stated it several times openly to those that dont get it. Shut them up pretty damn fast. Most people in the US are 1 paycheck away from disaster and I'll bet that someone inside your family circle is in debt up to their eyeballs, but put on a happy face and facade to the outside world that "everything is peachy". Maybe they're doing just as you're doing - and are terrified of the same thing you are: judgment.

There is no need to hide in my opinion - bet when you step out, someone else follows you and admits they've made bad financial decisions and breathe a sigh of relief that you were strong enough to make the first move.

Hang in there - it gets better, but you have to change your mindset that you're "a bad apple" first

[Jacey]

Thanks...I'll work on it. I'm sure they would pay my debts if they knew, but I couldn't stand it. Thank you all for your kindness.

[dumpinmydebt]

If you need support at anytime, were here.

[Jacey]

Thank you all, and the credit card company told my Dad that they'd rather shut down that account and open a new one for him than try to remove my name from the old one...this sounds good, right? Surely I won't mess him up if they open a completely new account. Just one thought: since I never signed with the credit card to be a joint account-holder, why did they have me listed that way? That sounds like an invitation to have someone else screw my credit up. (not that I needed any help, apparently!)

[Peeps]

Experiencing a bankruptcy seems like a pretty good way for us to come to grips with our own approval addictions. To some degree, and it probably varies person to person, we all end up thinking about how others will perhaps judge us for our financial situations, choices, and decisions moving forward. And usually we find that we're our own harshest critics. Families are pretty resilient things... maybe they'll surprise you with more empathy and compassion than you've assumed if they ever find out about your Ch7. I can understand that you don't want them to know about your financial issues but if that day ever comes, maybe it will hold some pleasant surprises.

It sounds like you might have been added as an authorized user, especially if you didn't provide any info on an application. If that's the case, I don't think you have to include it in your list of creditors. Best of luck.

[rdknipp]

I don't have a lot of experience with credit reports. With that caveat in mind, why would it be necessary to include the credit card in the bankruptcy? If there is no balance on the credit card, why even include them?

Its definitely possible that the credit card company would cancel the card after you file - but it wouldn't say included in bankruptcy or anything like that would it? With 20 years of payment history (assuming good history), wouldn't you want to take a shot at keeping it open? If the creditor isn't listed in the schedules or matrix then I wouldn't think they would get to designate anything like IIB. Further, with a zero balance, you aren't required to list them since they aren't currently a creditor.

This has been a long week and I apologize if there's a gaping hole in my thought process here.

[tcreegan]

Hi rdknipp,

apologize if there's a gaping hole in my thought process here

No gaping hole, if you have a good credit history and no balance it makes no sense to list it. On the off chance they don't close the acct it will look nice on the credit report. But usually cc companies have automatic notifications of BKs filed and automatically close the acct, so don't plan on it staying open.

ah well, we can always dream, right?

Tom in Colo