Are you telling family/friends about your foreclosure?

[staytogether]

My husband and I have felt such relief after deciding to walk away, but now we have another thing we have to decide what to do about, do we tell our friends and family the truth about our foreclosure? We wouldn't have had this problem, but we have a nosy relative that lives near us who constantly checks the county website on house values, ownership, etc., in our area. If we lied and said we'd sold our house to someone, I know he'd check the site to see what the house sold for and who bought it from us.

It looks like we'll have to tell a few relatives that we are letting the house go when we end up moving out. I was just wondering if anyone else had to deal with telling people about their foreclosure (or bk).

[frogger]

It's going to be common knowledge about the foreclosure to anyone that reads the legals section in your local newspaper.

We will be telling select family and friends in order that they not hear it second hand and worry.

And don't worry, people will talk about you for a month or two, but then some other juicy gossip will come along and you'll be forgotten about.

[mynextlife]

We had a rental property (which was our first home) in a neighborhood where my DH parents still live. Needless to say around Dec. when we realized we could not longer carry our mortgage and the rental (we had a squatter), we had to let the rental property go. I am telling you I go so TIRED of hearing all of my DH relatives telling us...the grass needs mowing....a window is broken....the a/c is missing...etc. It just went on and on and we had told them we were letting the property go.

In this cause is was unavoidable but in reality it isn't anyones business but yours and your spouse. It did put a strain on me and DH for a month or so but then we started telling relatives if the were so concerned, how about YOU helping with the mortgage, cutting the grass, etc. That pretty much put and end to it but I am sure they still talk among themselves...who cares...at this point, good riddens and welcome peace of mind!

Good luck!

[poorold]

it is what it is. and there is NOTHING to be ashamed about. after all, it's only money--not health or starvation or many other things that are much, much worse.

plus, probably more than half of them secretly wish they were out from under their mortgage and are jealous of you.

[OhioFiler]

If anyone ask's you tell them it was a smart business decision you and your spouse settled on. If they continue to pry tell them it's a personal business decision.

If they are close relatives or friends tell them how great it feels to not be burdened with a mortgage that was so much more than the house was worth and how letting it go saved you $100,000 (or whatever amount you care to tell them). Tell them they should consider it as well! Afterall, you're only trying to help them!

[NoMoreRed]

It's like jumping off of the high dive for the first time. Once it is over then it really wasn't as hard as you believed. With that said.....just tell them. We let our friends, relatives and good neighbors know before we moved out. Those who really were worth staying in touch with or being close to came right to the surface.

[Amy26]

I don't feel bad about telling anyone about my situation... the way things are right now its not uncommon for people to be going through it. Its even helped me with certain bills that I cannot get rid of... by saying wow can you work with me I'm going through this bankruptcy thing. All my friends and family know and I even told the receptionist lady at the dental office today. I had a 30 dollar credit on my account that they were just gonna let sit there (the credit was from like a year ago and I was like OMG 30 bucks I want it!) and I asked her if I could have my 30 bucks... she looked at me kinda strangely and was like oh .... yea... let me get the doctor to write you a check. So, when she came back with it I was like sorry 30 bucks is a lot of money for someone in bankruptcy... she immediately was sympathetic and very sweet. I have also found a lot of times when I start talking to someone about bankruptcy they get all interested and want details about it because they are thinking about doing it themselves.

[bulletproof77]

I don't care...people who know me know what I have gone through this past year with the divorce, BK and foreclosure. I'm lucky I'm still breathing...And now my friends who still have overpriced mortgages and undervalued homes here in the "foreclosure belt" in Southern California are ALL thinking of walking away and doing a "strategic foreclosure"..California is over and done with as a state and several have viewed me with a little bit of envy as now I can get the hell out of this state..and I say that as a native Californian...the party's over, long over.... Will the last person to leave the state of California please turn out the lights ???

[SweetGeorgia]

Oh, I've been pretty open with people. Even if they think bad things about you, most people won't actually say anything to your face. Besides, you get more sympathy and support than you expect.

I also think openness chips away at the "insolvency is a character flaw" idea that many people have (whether consciously or not). They'll think: you're talking because you're not ashamed, and that means you have nothing to be ashamed OF. There are many things that people didn't used to say out loud: cancer, AIDS, child abuse, divorce.

(Although I could stand to hear a little less about erectile dysfunction; there's a little too much information about THAT going around!)

[DeadManCrawling]

I have pretty much shouted it to the rooftops, run around the family and told anyone who will listen that we are filing.

Once I explain that we paid over 500k INTEREST on roughly 350k debts and are further in debt than where we started, they are as flabbergasted as we are. So few people understand the accounting illusions and legalized thievery that is occurring in our nation.

Not one person has given me an adverse reaction, though I suppose some have felt negative and have not dared to speak.

Our candor has inspired questions from many many people around us who were struggling in silence, afraid to confront their OWN situation. Our willingness to discuss it all in very stark terms with real numbers has opened a light for them as well, and given them some confidence that they, truly, are not as alone as they first thought.

I now know a dozen or so people in my family, neighborhood, and among my friends who desperately needed to file but were paralyzed with fear. Until we spoke with them. Now many of them are taking the steps they need to.

[RainMoM]

I have pretty much shouted it to the rooftops, run around the family and told anyone who will listen that we are filing.

Once I explain that we paid over 500k INTEREST on roughly 350k debts and are further in debt than where we started, they are as flabbergasted as we are. So few people understand the accounting illusions and legalized thievery that is occurring in our nation.

Not one person has given me an adverse reaction, though I suppose some have felt negative and have not dared to speak.

Our candor has inspired questions from many many people around us who were struggling in silence, afraid to confront their OWN situation. Our willingness to discuss it all in very stark terms with real numbers has opened a light for them as well, and given them some confidence that they, truly, are not as alone as they first thought.

I now know a dozen or so people in my family, neighborhood, and among my friends who desperately needed to file but were paralyzed with fear. Until we spoke with them. Now many of them are taking the steps they need to.

that about sums it up the way i feel about it !! I don't sugar coat anything with it comes to my freinds and family.. I tell them what is what, I don't care if they judge me.. I'm not here on this earth to please people who may think I'm doing the wrong thing by filing.. this is a decision that only my husband and i can make..

[Rob517]

it is what it is. and there is NOTHING to be ashamed about. after all, it's only money--not health or starvation or many other things that are much, much worse.

plus, probably more than half of them secretly wish they were out from under their mortgage and are jealous of you.

This is how I feel....and I have told numerous friends and family. I'm the type that will feel better just getting it out there rather than trying to hide it. My family is very supportive of me and that helps too. It could be much worse such as having to tell them I have a fatal disease or something awful like that. This is just a future foreclosure. Not a big deal. We will overcome it and survive. Will it be difficult in the next few years?? ABSOLUTELY...but its not the end. There IS light in the tunnel...I am quite excited in a way...maybe that sounds bad but the house is just overwhelming to me as far as maintenance and repair costs and trying to find the cash to pay the mortgage.

[secondtimer]

I've always found stress and shame when I'm not honest. When asked, I reply honestly but am careful with the details depending on the individual.

Fear is a bogeyman. Besides, the people that I actually want in my life don't really care about my finances.

[stressedNC]

We have told a few family members, those who would understand. I have told a couple neighbors mostly because I want to make sure that they realize that it was because the house was completely falling apart and we couldn't expect to ever recoup what we have in it now let alone the next 30k that would have to be put in in the next year(which we don't have). I guess I want to make sure some of the neighbors know the whole story so that when the gossiping starts they can say what really happened. Everyone agrees we are making basically the only logical choice.
Our house is kind of the neighborhood joke, not in a mean way, just in a "Oh I haven't seen you for a month any walls fall over?" kind of way.

We are completely lying to my dad as he just wouln't get it and would insist on paying for the next 30K in repairs only to have use turn around and have the house start sinking or something. We are telling him we are selling and breaking even on the mortgage, which he won't get either but it's better than the truth.

[Amy26]

We actually made a joke about my bankruptcy/foreclosure at work the other day. My superiors know about my situation because I had to clear it with them before I filed. I work for a gov't agency, and I am in the process of getting my security clearance... so I had to make sure it wouldn't affect my position.

So, anyways on Friday I found out that they 'the gov't agency' lost my security forms AGAIN. So, we made a joke about posting the security form all over the building saying "have you seen my lost form?" and this form has my social security number on it etc... and my coworkers were like you don't want that all over the building... so I said, "they can do what they want with my social security number won't do them any good." My boss cracked up laughing cause he knows my situation and he was like we can joke about this now? And I started laughing with him.