What do you tell people?

[zenbit]

This may seem silly, considering the seriousness of everything else we have to deal with here, but here's my question:

I am a single dad with residential custody of my children... and am letting the house go back to the banks along with the Ch 13. I am looking at moving after the school year is up, assuming that the banks don't take action sooner.

I have told a few people I am moving, and each asks "oh, you're selling your house?"

Because these are folks I feel Ok talking to - I have just told them the whole deal. I really don't like making anything up or shutting people down.

Now, on the one hand - I am fine being open about things. But I have kids and work at a financial services firm - and realize that letting a house go can cause strong and sometimes unexpected reactions, let alone the whole topic of bankruptcy.

Any tips on how to politely respond to the "so you're selling your house" question???

Something other than "mind your own bees wax!"

Thanks in advance for any ideas you have.

[logansdad]

we are thinking of saying that DW got transferred and the company is buying our house, then we'll be long gone when the dust clears

[zenbit]

I understand!

Actually, your reply reminds me that I really have to major scenarios to consider... the neighbors and local folks, and the rest of the people I know, like coworkers and friends.

With neighbors, I think I am just going to be very up front in a non-dramatic way. They're going to find out anyway, so why not just say it.

On the plus side, we are moving to a new community, so it will be a bit of a fresh start.

But I would still like to find a way to not get into it all without at the same time being deceptive with coworkers and friends.

[limage]

First of all, when you tell people you are moving, their first response should be "cool! where to?" not "oh you sold your home?". l I don't know what state you are in, but the first thing you will find in sharing with people is that you are not alone. But even then I hate telling people. I just tell people that ask why I am moving that I am giving my home back to the bank because I am so underwater and it doesn't make sense to keep paying on it. They all understand. No one has been judgmental (at least to my face) and I am confident I am making the right decision. My very close friends know I did a BK.

I live in a condo and my neighbors are another topic, but I really don't care. My neighbor across the street wouldn't even say hi back to me. F'EM!!!

[zenbit]

At first, I was worried about my neighbors. We all moved into a newly built community at the same time - got to know one another, and really - they've all been great neighbors. So I felt bad - like I was doing something that would hurt them, which yeah, in the short run, maybe so.

But no one should be thinking short term right now... and long term, I am thinking everyone will be better off. Hopefully - a family will get this house at a good price and actually be able to afford to keep up with it!

So maybe that's a rationalization on my part, who knows.

And yes... honestly - the few people I have told I am moving ask me very early on if I am selling. I think it's because everyone is trying to figure out what to do and many people want out of their homes, it seems. I live in Kendall County in Illinois, which I have seen referenced in national news as having one of the highest foreclosure rates these days.

Not too shocking considering the number and size of the neighborhoods that popped up here about five years ago out of the corn fields.

[Mi Bankruptcy]

At first, I was worried about my neighbors. We all moved into a newly built community at the same time - got to know one another, and really - they've all been great neighbors. So I felt bad - like I was doing something that would hurt them, which yeah, in the short run, maybe so.

But no one should be thinking short term right now... and long term, I am thinking everyone will be better off. Hopefully - a family will get this house at a good price and actually be able to afford to keep up with it!

So maybe that's a rationalization on my part, who knows.

And yes... honestly - the few people I have told I am moving ask me very early on if I am selling. I think it's because everyone is trying to figure out what to do and many people want out of their homes, it seems. I live in Kendall County in Illinois, which I have seen referenced in national news as having one of the highest foreclosure rates these days.

Not too shocking considering the number and size of the neighborhoods that popped up here about five years ago out of the corn fields.

Well.. Don't tell your co-workers you moved until after you moved. Then tell them how much you like your new place. etc..

For neighbors.. tell them this is a business decision pure and simple. They may appreciate that take on letting a home go.

If someone continues to ask about selling you ask them back if they are selling and if homes in their area are underwater? It will make them feel a little uncomfortable but you can be sincere about it.

[ItsJustMe]

We've just told everyone (friends/familiy) the truth. The neighborhood just keeps going down hill , there are foreclosures everywhere that, when sold, are being snatched up by trashy people we're upside down on our home and could rent something FAR nicer for about half what we pay toward our mortgage , and we're taking the opportunity to leave while we can.

Random acquaintances we aren't planning to get detailed w/. Just tell them we moved and love our new place (and I'm so excited , we're totally going to love the neighborhoods we're looking at . If we weren't so set on building up savings while we live rent free, we'd be gone already).

[dasmom]

You don't need to tell anyone at work that you are moving. I have always kept work and my personal life separate. I am very personable and friendly with co-workers, but I never share anything really personal. Just give human resources your new contact information.

I told my best friend, my ex and my mother. My best friend and my mother were told because they are supportive. I told my ex because moving will have an impact on our child.

Extended family and relatives will get a phone call after I have settled into my new place. I will be moving out on a weekday. If any neighbors are around to ask, my response will be, "Yes, I'm moving". If they want to know why, my answer will be, "It's what I decided to do at this time." (This will be said in a friendly tone with a smile on my face.)

Any additional questions will be answered the same way, "It's what I decided to do at this time." I call this the "broken record" approach.

They don't need to know anything else.

[ToughTimes]

For me, the response to, "So you're selling your house?" would be, "Nothing would (or will) please us more than to have a buyer."

Less deceptive would be, "We'll see." If that's pursued, the next obvious truth is that buyers are tough to find just now. If pressured further, it's time to run the broken record. "We're moving. The other details will work themselves out over time."

Generally, acknowledging that the current real estate market is tough serves as a great deflection and tends to lead people to talking about their own situation, which they actually care a great deal more about than they do yours.

I really like the idea of not mentioning it at work until after the move. "We've moved," works for me.

If someone actually asks you if you're selling the house while you are in the physical process of moving, the answer is, "Not today." If they ask you if you're moving, you respond with Jeff Foxworthy, "Nope! Just wanted to pack all our stuff up and see how many boxes it'd take." My mom's response would have been, "Nope! I'm sewing a button on the washing machine. Think it'll stick?"

[DeadManCrawling]

I have told EVERYONE the bitter truth.

So far, I have encountered 6-8 neighbors who are all considering the same thing-letting the bank foreclose.

I was stunned by their positive reactions. Some neighbors bit their tongues, I am sure. We lived in a small community of 80 or so homes. HOA, etc.

So, nearly 10% of our neighbors are considering foreclosure or wishing they had the guts to.

We have also told our family and friends. A large percentage of them were not only supportive but asked about the process and wondered if they should do the same. Again, I was astonished.

I also lay out the math for them:

We have been in the house 10 years (until we moved last month).

We originally borrowed 380k.

We paid INTEREST of 500k during that period.

Something stinks about this, no?

Several family members and friends did the same math on their places and reached similar conclusions.

They are angry.

Will they jump?

We will see.

I think more people should consider all the variables and make an educated decision about their homes, and debts in general. Time to stop playing the morality game with a bunch of lending crooks who know nothing of morality.

Just my thoughts.

Best,

-dmc

[sofarsogood2]

I am surrendering the house and have a competent attorney working with the lender to facilitate the process.
Not really a lie, just makes it sound better to nosy people.

[BKFOURAB]

This is like ANY legal matter: "Best to say nothing".
On the day I actually loaded the UHaul, I told the two neighbors who came over and asked: "We made the decision to give the house back to the bank". I did not tell them where I was moving to, or what we were doing next. My life is not everyone's business. To the one who wanted to prod, I said politley "That's personal". To the one who asked how to go about it, I provided names of several attorneys whom I considered "good".