Another Notice From the Credit Union Today

[HopefulInOhio]

Well.........today was the day I was to see my attorney...

I didn't make it. It was -8 degrees here today and my car would not start to get me there at 8 am...took me until 11:30 to find someone to help me get it going and there was no other appts today open.

I was going to talk to him about how my stbx is not paying the mortgage. I got another notice today. It's now 14 days late. I thought it was kind of funny to get 2 notices in the same week and really - 14 days is not that bad..but I do think they're wondering about my change of address...maybe they think something is up or we're not living there. Well...we aren't...lol...but they still had my new address for him..and a separate notice came to him with MY address. I had to call them again to tell them - he does NOT live here!

I wanted to tell my lawyer I was gonna open up a new account - as long as it doesn't hurt me in court - if you all are saying a trustee won't look at it as suspicious...actually I am dodging out of making a payment so they won't take it out of my account....first thing Monday I'm gonna set up a new account. I have no choice....I have a feeling that they got a feeling something's up from not being able to contact him - and I surely pretty much know he's gonna dodge the payment now.

I tell you what - I have been asked if I have lost weight 2 times this week. I'm already thin enough, so that was pretty much confirming my suspicions that this is damaging my health. I'm almost becoming physically sick over this. I'm just furious that once again - it's ME taking care of things in this divorce. He hides out and I'm doing the nice talk to a bank.

I just went to the Dollar Tree and spent $20 - and I felt guilty for it. I can't keep this pace up much longer..I honestly feel close to some sort of breakdown. I'm just so tired of carrying all this weight.

I'm sorry for the constant ranting...I think the only way I'm gonna get some relief soon is when I sign paperwork for the bankruptcy starting..like I can hide behind it and know that something is being done. This waiting in limbo is making me mentally crazy.

[CAB in CA]

I posted this message to you in another link:

http://www.bankruptcyforum.com/showthread.php?t=12744

We are all lucky to have places like this where we can rant and people understand. When both of my hips went south in 2001 and I was facing two hip replacements and became my mother's caregiver, when I was no longer able to work, as she was confined to a wheel chair, I had a hip replacement support group where I hung my hat for support and to this day I still frequent, offering others support. I have been an assistant manager on that site for a number of years.

I can empathize with your situation having been through a divorce and BK, but with several years in between. Luckily, I did not have any children in the second marriage, so I didn't have to deal with that. But, I do know what you are talking about as the man I married the second time had been married before. I was wife number four and there were a good number of children which he left behind. He and his children had many issues between them and the correspondence between them was next to nothing. It is a shame, but those kinds of things do happen.

All you can do is reassure your daughter how much you love her and hope that someday her father will come back around... maybe he will, maybe he won't. In some ways I would like to think that she will be able to deal with the situation more easily than a much younger child waiting at the door for daddy to come home. i hope so for both your sakes.

Have you thought about approaching your doctor for some medication to help you deal with all of the stress with which you are trying to deal? It is really not a bad alternative when we really reach the end of our rope. Mental stress, can and will, make you ill. You do not have to deal with that burden, too, at a time like this if you do not wish too.

I know some people feel like the solution is buck-up and chin-up, which is great if you can do it. For those of us that real life sometimes becomes, absolutely too overwhelming, then it is time to seek help.

When I filed BK my mother and I were joint owners on her accounts and on my accounts. On the advice of several BK boards and then later from advice of my BK attorney, I was told to get my mother off my accounts and to get me off her accounts. We did this before I ever saw the lawyer.

Her accounts were at BOA as were two of mine and I was going to have to BK BOA. We closed the accounts and became beneficiary to each other on the accounts and I left a small balance in both my checking and my savings. BOA did not touch my funds and the BK Trustee did not question the closure of the accounts. This too happened during the last minute rush of filing BK in October 2005 and the trustees were swamped.

I also had accounts at a credit union, my mother was on those accounts also, but I did not close those accounts as none of her money was in those accounts. The only monies deposited to the CU was my SSD to my checking account and my two small ERISA pensions from my deceased first husband in the savings accounts. These accounts had no co-mingled funds and the funds in the account were exempt from seizure.

After my discharge, we went back to BOA and closed the accounts where we were both beneficiaries for each other and opened new joint accounts for each of us again, with no trouble.

I hope you will be able to find a little bit of peace soon to help you deal with all of which you are having to deal. Try to be grateful for what you do have, your daughter, a place to live and a job. Know that later things will begin to fall into place and the anger and frustration with which you are now dealing will eventually become a thing of the past or at least the feelings will drop down to a level with which you can deal..

You will be able to move on with your life. Things may or may not be as good for your financially later on... I know it is tough when you are accustomed to living in a two income household, especially when the other person makes a good deal more money. I had that situation with my first husband, so I can relate to how you feel.

With a fifteen year old daughter, I would guess you are still quite young and have your whole life with which to look forward. It will get better, I promise.

CAB in CA