I am SO FURIOUS with my husband.

[bk4sky]

This will be the hard part. As much as I blame my husband for irresponsibility, I am the overspender, and he does not like to tell me no. We made this mess together.

Update: Got a text from hub today - it said... "Went to bank. 2nd mortgage is pd.. was not late. Has not been late. And I do care. Love you."

So all is good in the world again for now I've been pretty honest in this forum about my relationship and how difficult it has been... (did you know money issues are the #1 reason for divorce? I read that somewhere).

But I have to say... last weekend I had an ABUNDANCE of my family staying at my house and my husband - who is not so fond of company - was the perfect host - always making sure everyone was OK and well fed, etc... When we ran out of firewood for the campfire - I thought he went to bed cuz he had to work in the morning - but he had actually run to get more wood for us... and when my nephew threw up watermelon ALL OVER the floor (nasty nasty nasty!)- hub cleaned it up and would not let anyone help!!!! At that moment, I wanted to nominate him for husband of the year! And I never even had a chance to really say thank you cuz out first minutes alone were when he told me he "didn't know" if the 2nd mortgage payment was late and ... well... you know how that went over.

Today my 4 yr old asked me "Why are you mad at Daddy? Is it because he didn't buy you a new car?" (We've been talking about/researching cars because mine is a '99 with many problems and with the likely bk in the Fall it seems like a good idea)

I said "No, I was mad at Daddy because I asked him to do something and he didn't. Just like when I get mad at you when I ask you to do something and you don't."
But it totally broke my heart anyway.
Kids pick up everything.

i know it must be extremly hard for married couples to be going through this, but im glad to see he sent you that text, that shows you hes taking some responsibility. i think if you both just communicate better, and both talk about not taking it out on each other and both admit that both made a mistake you guys can pull through this, and you will be stronger after its all said and done!
hell even try counseling, sometimes they can come up with some really cool ideas. i wish you the best.

[AngelinaCat]

I've been pretty honest in this forum about my relationship and how difficult it has been... (did you know money issues are the #1 reason for divorce? I read that somewhere).

When 'Hub and I married, my Church has a mandatory pre-marriage counseling session that couples must complete before they can be married in the Church. And over, and over the various leaders emphasized the fact that money and budgeting issues is the leading cause of divorce.

[Frogge]

I agree, AngelinaCat.

[liz417]

When 'Hub and I married, my Church has a mandatory pre-marriage counseling session that couples must complete before they can be married in the Church. And over, and over the various leaders emphasized the fact that money and budgeting issues is the leading cause of divorce.

How long have you two been married?

[AngelinaCatHub]

Not very long. We are 'trying it out' for a while and see if it works out OK. Our 20th anniversary was June 30 and so far, so good. 'Hub

[gymbo]

Not very long. We are 'trying it out' for a while and see if it works out OK. Our 20th anniversary was June 30 and so far, so good. 'Hub

Haha Let us know if you decide to stick with it

[bmrigs]

Not very long. We are 'trying it out' for a while and see if it works out OK. Our 20th anniversary was June 30 and so far, so good. 'Hub

Good for you both. You see you already beat the statistics ;-)

[Phillymanhere]

Mr. and Mrs. Cat,

Please let us know when you two move past the trying out phase. Please let us know when it starts to get serious. Phillyman

[AngelinaCat]

Oh, I think we are going to 'stick-it-out'. The way we see it, and 'Hub and I confirmed in conversation yesterday: We are two Ugly Ducklings—no one else wants us. But to each other, we are Beautiful Swans—no matter what.

[Help!]

Kids pick up everything.

Yes, they do. Before filing BK, I never realized how much damage I was doing with this feeling of needing to give them every material thing I could. On Mother's Day, my seven year old made me a card that says "I love you Mommy because you buy me lots of toys". That broke my heart. I was embarrassed, but most of all very, very sad that my child connected a person's value to material things. It was just a child telling it like it is (as only a child can do), but it spoke volumes.

I didn't use the "BK" word in explaining what we're going through, but in my own way I'm trying to teach them the truth about money. When it came time to surrender the SUV, I explained to them that it never really was ours - and this is what can happen when you borrow money from the bank to buy things you can't afford. I will have to work hard to show them (by example) what's really important in life.

[Frogge]

Yes, they do. Before filing BK, I never realized how much damage I was doing with this feeling of needing to give them every material thing I could. On Mother's Day, my seven year old made me a card that says "I love you Mommy because you buy me lots of toys". That broke my heart. I was embarrassed, but most of all very, very sad that my child connected a person's value to material things. It was just a child telling it like it is (as only a child can do), but it spoke volumes.

I didn't use the "BK" word in explaining what we're going through, but in my own way I'm trying to teach them the truth about money. When it came time to surrender the SUV, I explained to them that it never really was ours - and this is what can happen when you borrow money from the bank to buy things you can't afford. I will have to work hard to show them (by example) what's really important in life.

I've gotten a similar card from my daughter, Help. It made me feel bad, too.

[Phillymanhere]

To Mr. and Mrs. Cat,

To see a couple with humor on this board is so wonderful. It adds so much lightness and joy and all. You guys are really something!

[bk4sky]

Mr and Mrs Cat, from what ive seen on this board i def think you two are going to pull through this just fine. best of luck!

[liz417]

Yes, they do. Before filing BK, I never realized how much damage I was doing with this feeling of needing to give them every material thing I could. On Mother's Day, my seven year old made me a card that says "I love you Mommy because you buy me lots of toys". That broke my heart. I was embarrassed, but most of all very, very sad that my child connected a person's value to material things. It was just a child telling it like it is (as only a child can do), but it spoke volumes.

I didn't use the "BK" word in explaining what we're going through, but in my own way I'm trying to teach them the truth about money. When it came time to surrender the SUV, I explained to them that it never really was ours - and this is what can happen when you borrow money from the bank to buy things you can't afford. I will have to work hard to show them (by example) what's really important in life.

Gee, what an eye-opener! Like you said, only a kid can say the truth. At least you are doing the right thing by leading by example now....hang in there.

[AngelinaCatHub]

To Mr. and Mrs. Cat,

To see a couple with humor on this board is so wonderful. It adds so much lightness and joy and all. You guys are really something!