How to tell my mom?

[kristyf]

OK, I've felt better since making the decision to file BK. BUT how do I tell my mother? I owe her lots and lots of money, and can't pay her anything until after discharge. She's very understanding, but needs the money, I think. I'm just scared to tell her. I had said I would try to pay her as much as possible with our tax refund, whatever that may end up being, and now I can't. I guess that's why I'm nervous.

Any ideas on how and when to break it to her?

[AngelinaCatHub]

You asked: "the best way to tell her". Be honest, you are not the first and in this economy not the last. Just set her down and have a cup of coffee with her and tell her that you have made a "business decision", and that you are compelled to get a "new start" in life and just as soon as your great amount of debt is discharged, will work fervently on her needs.

In other words, get it behind you as it is a bother you don't need now. 'Hub

[BassBoy]

Don't beat around the bush about it. Be honest and upfront. Explain what will be going on and afterwards you can most likely repay what you owe her. We do whatever we can for our children. We would give them the shirt off our back or the last dollar in our pocket. Hell, we'd probably take a bullet for them, so a little thing like money problems or bankruptcy is petty. As a Father, I cherish my childrens well being more than anything and I know my wife has more feelings than I could ever imagine. Has to be the from the womb thingy (LOL!). My point is, Mom's are Mom's first and their child's welll being, health and happiness is more important than all of the money in the world.

[Mi Bankruptcy]

Everyone is right. I recommend you act with speed. You don't want her to make any plans or anticipate you will pay her back. Also explain that if you pay any money out before your bk is over or prior to filing you could get in trouble for preferential payment. Good Luck

[AngelinaCatHub]

Everyone is right. I recommend you act with speed. You don't want her to make any plans or anticipate you will pay her back. Also explain that if you pay any money out before your bk is over or prior to filing you could get in trouble for preferential payment. Good Luck

Also "Mi Bank" may I add as I strongly stated above along with "Bass Boy" that this is not only for your Mom, but FOR YOU. You will be under a bit of stress, and this of course is normal. You need not amplify it with worry over little things, as that generates BIG things in the head. 'Hub

[kristyf]

thank you all.

they (my parents) are coming over tomorrow for dinner as a thank you for watching two of our kids for a week for a church conference. not sure if i will want to bring up the subject then, but it might come up. at least it would be out in the open and over with.

[AngelinaCatHub]

thank you all.

they (my parents) are coming over tomorrow for dinner as a thank you for watching two of our kids for a week for a church conference. not sure if i will want to bring up the subject then, but it might come up. at least it would be out in the open and over with.

[kristyf]

well i am a mommy (of 3 1/2) but i am married. but you're right - i know they love me and accept me as i am. i tend to demand perfection of everyone, especially myself, and to realize that i have made so many mistakes i think is the hard part - and then to admit that to my mom.


thanks for the encouragement - before i know it, the conversation will be over and i WILL feel better.

[AngelinaCatHub]

well i am a mommy (of 3 1/2) but i am married. but you're right - i know they love me and accept me as i am. i tend to demand perfection of everyone, especially myself, and to realize that i have made so many mistakes i think is the hard part - and then to admit that to my mom.


thanks for the encouragement - before i know it, the conversation will be over and i WILL feel better.

[Dst1]

My point is, Mom's are Mom's first and their child's welll being, health and happiness is more important than all of the money in the world.

I know you mean well but that is just not true. I have a good friend whose identity was stolen by her 20 year old son. He ran up more than 35K in debts in a matter of months. Both the DA and the creditors were blunt with her: either testify against him in open court or pay it back.

She testified. He got a five year sentence.

I believe she did the right thing. But I suppose that family reunions will be awkward once he gets out.

/btw, I agree with the rest. Just be honest.

[kristyf]

well my mom qualifies under BassBoy's description. Whew.

[Trixie007]

I know you mean well but that is just not true. I have a good friend whose identity was stolen by her 20 year old son. He ran up more than 35K in debts in a matter of months. Both the DA and the creditors were blunt with her: either testify against him in open court or pay it back.

She testified. He got a five year sentence.

Awww, that's just tough love! Just means she really loves him and wants him to have a life better than his wildest dreams. A wise mommy knows that won't happen when he's doing things like that and getting away with it!

kristyf - I hope everything goes well for you when you talk to your Mom and that it just causes the relationship to be that much deeper! My DH hasn't mentioned our foreclosures to his parents, much less our BK! I know in that tiny little town we left (which is where they live too) that they know all about it, but we didn't hear one peep from them when they were here for Christmas! I took their silence as a sign of their love for him, regardless of our mistakes. (Besides, I'm sure they blame it all on me anyway LOL).

[FijiTime]

I did it the cheesy way, "Hey mom, there's a potential that I might need to stay with you for a little bit when the bank takes my house..." and while not a very comfortable conversation it wasn't bad.

[Trixie007]

I did it the cheesy way, "Hey mom, there's a potential that I might need to stay with you for a little bit when the bank takes my house..."

Oh, that's perfect!

[kristyf]

I told her! AND my dad!

WHEW - and it wasn't that bad. she was with the older two kids (older meaning 4 and 3!) while I was putting the baby down, and my dad and hubby were talking in living room. i asked my mom, "if i had something to tell you that was bad, and i'm being chicken about, should i tell you so you can tell Daddy or tell you together?" she said there's no reason to be chicken, just tell me. so i said we were not just at the end of our rope financially, but falling off the rope, so i was going to file bankruptcy. then i explained about insider payments, etc., and my plan for the future. she simply said to make sure i get a good lawyer. she took it very well, of course, and so did my Daddy. they hugged me before they left.


so now the next step is my meeting with my lawyer on monday. i filed my taxes today and should be able to pay him with our return - but no extra. oh well.