How do you deal?

[BR549]

First post here, probably not the last.
My wife and I filed Chapter 7 in September. The notice came out in the newspaper this past Sunday. Her friends are beginning to talk as I am sure the people i work with ( I am on vacation for a few days).
This was an extremely tough decision for us and we actually fought the inevitable for a couple of years after being advised by attorneys and credit counselors to file.
Now we feel like major failures and are experiencing a great deal of embarrassment and shame.
How have some of you dealt with the emotional issues?

[StaciMM]

Easier said than done, perhaps, but try to look at it as a business decision. You're doing what you need to do to have a healthy future.

[NJT529]

I didn't know bankruptcy was posted in papers. Everything I have read said it was public record but someone would have to look it up. Does it depend on the state you are in?

[HHM]

No, it does not depend on the state you live in. It depends on the newspaper. Some papers chose to go to the trouble to print the list, others don't.

In either event, there is nothing you can do about it.

[Minera]

hmm no paper that I know of where I live ever post anything that doesn't make them money. Even the obituaries have to be paid for now.

[deepindebt]

I filed for BK in September too. I was told that it is put in the paper twice the day I filed and the day I am discharged. In my opinion, the people that look at forclosures and bk's in the paper do not have anything better than to stick their noses into other peoples business, to get the dirt on their neighbors and spread the word!! You and your wife do not need friends like that!! A true friend doen't talk behind your back. Filing for BK is personal and you did the right thing for you and your family.

I am still ashamed too but we need to hold our head up and learn from the mistakes we made. God Bless you and Good Luck!!!!

[BassBoy]

Be Proud

First post here, probably not the last.
My wife and I filed Chapter 7 in September. The notice came out in the newspaper this past Sunday. Her friends are beginning to talk as I am sure the people i work with ( I am on vacation for a few days).
This was an extremely tough decision for us and we actually fought the inevitable for a couple of years after being advised by attorneys and credit counselors to file.
Now we feel like major failures and are experiencing a great deal of embarrassment and shame.
How have some of you dealt with the emotional issues?

To h*ll with those people. Be proud! I just put some of the following words in a another thread and I probably should have put them here (newbie mistake). Imagine what your life will be like. Imagine all that you'll be capable of once the slate has been wiped clean. Do what is the best interests for you and your family and try not to worry about what others think. Belive me, I'm concerned what my neighbors/friends will think and/or say when we go to move out and they ask why (they do not know............some are very nosy and it would be neighborhood news). I'll probably be ashamed to tell them, but you know what, I'm doing what is best for me and my family. I want to make a better way of life for my children. My two boys are the most important thing in the world. So with that said, remember that you are doing what is in your family's best interest. Be proud and stand tall. You are NOT any less of a person who is rich and doesn't ever have to worry about money ever again.

[Minnymouth]

Many local newspapers publish bankruptcy and foreclosure listings so that people who buy property at foreclosure can checkout whats available and when it will auction off.... gives them a "headstart" looking at property to buy.
Right now "foreclosure" property is big business - it's buy cheap and sell it high...... good profits....no effort..... if you have the money to invest...
Also creates a database of names of people coming out of bankruptcy for local businesses when it comes to offering credit ( for homes, vehicles, etc.)
Personally, I really don't worry too much about what other people think or say..... they don't walk in my shoes, or haave not been thru what I have in the last few years.
Bankruptcy was not an option for me - it was a necessity!!
Struggled for 4 years fighting it and now wished I had done it sooner.
Best thing I probably ever did was make the decision to file.

So I don't worry too much about what others think!!!

Minny

[bezoar]

Yeah - I am probably just paranoid, but as I mowed the lawn Sunday, a couple drove by in a Lexus, slowed down and looked at my house. Maybe it was just because my Hibiscus & roses were all in bloom, and quite beautimus, but I thought I saw the passenger writing something. We've filed, but we are current (& will remain so), but I just have to wonder if there are folks out there that scope out the BK filings - just in case...

Our newsapaper used to post them, but has not done so in years. There is a separate business newspaper that I don't subscribe to, and they might post them in there. But then anybody can troll the BK filings online - it's public record, and has the potential to be profitable, I suppose.

[BR549]

Thank You

Thank you all for your replies. It is nice to know there is somewhere to go where someone actually understands what we're going through. Many of you have stated that I should be proud of doing the right thing for my family and you are correct. I have been working over thirty hours of overtime for the past few years to try to keep our heads above water and hold on to our house. In the course of doing so, I almost lost my wife and kids.
If nothing else, the most important thing to me is I will no longer have to work those kind of hours and will be able to concentrate on being a husband and father. I have missed so much in the last 4 years that I can never get back, but I am looking forward to the remaining years.
Truth be told, once the filing was actually complete, we felt as if a huge burden had been removed from us.
We also have found out who some of our true friends are. One has acted as an intermediary for us in finding a house to rent for when we have to be out of ours. Another is offering to sell us a vehicle, which with gas prices and kids beginning to drive we are starting to need, for no interest and carry it for a few months.
I know everything will work out in the end, it's just the getting there that is stressful.
Please keep us in your prayers and we will do the same for you.

Thank you again.