What to Do?

[spazzman]

I'm a 32 year old married for the last 12 years. My wife and I both suck with money. I just built a new house last year. I had a good job, that I quit to persue a different area of employment. I was injured and now have not been able to find employment. I'm currently going to school for IT as well. My mortgage is almost 2 months behind and both mistakes(cars) are almost a month late. We're going to talk with BK attorney on the 11th just to see what are possible options are. We're both scared and my wife pretty much just wants to end everything. She thinks we'll be better off apart so we can't do this again. I feel that is not an option. Remains to be seen. I know it's not marriage counseling here, sorry! I also have only a few thousand in debt of C.C.'s. Obviously not having two incomes has hurt me a great deal, but is there any recovery? Any advice would be appriciated.

[StaciMM]

A good starting point is consulting with attorneys. In the meantime, something to think about is what do you want to accomplish? What I mean is, do you want to keep the car(s) or let it/them go back?

[BassBoy]

WELCOME TO THE FORUM SPAZZMAN!

If you could share a little bit about your finances, it may help us provide you with solutions.

If you're out of work, can you afford either the house or the cars? This is what you have to ask yourself. You also have to look at if you do file BK, and you decide to keep the house or cars, can you still afford to live if you're not working?

As far as what your wife said, she may have been speaking out of frustration. Financial difficulties can be very stressful on a marriage. And yes, in some cases, destroy the marriage. Just remember, do not blame each other for your troubles. Stick by each other and you'll see this through. I'll bet that if you do file, once it's over, you'll both begin to feel better and you'll both work together to make your futures better.

Be strong. We are here for you if you need us.

[edwards2]

bassboy - you are so right about sticking together and weathering the financial storm...sorry couldnt avoid the cliches. My husband and I came really close to splitting over finances. He did a bonehead thing and then left me to clean it up---by myself. Luckily we managed to work through it although some days I still get ticked about it. Good luck..

[AAAArt]

Welcome. Financial problems can trigger depression and that leads us to want to get out of things like marriage, etc. Your wife is speaking out of frustration and anger. Financial problems, bk, losing jobs, dreams, etc are all a form of grief and her emotions are going along normally with that.
I know that you said that this is not marriage counseling, but often counseling, therapy and possibly even prescriptions are needed to help us get through this mess. Consider these alternatives as well as your financial situation. Usually, when we "suck" with money, it is because something else is missing in our lives.
Lots of things that I know now I wish I knew a quarter of a century ago when I was your age. Lots of things I know now that I wish I was smart enough to actually practice. Take care, Art

[Kam]

We are all here to support and encourage each other, as cliche as that sounds. Depression is an all-too familiar feeling sometimes, but we are here to help as best as we can

[BassBoy]

Hey spazzman,

I think you and your wife need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart. You have to make a pact that this will not be the result of ending it. If you go your seperate ways for other reasons, then fine, but if it's this money thing that divides you, then you may spend the rest of your life wondering if you had the chance to fix, and you did, would everything be okay.

You've got some tough decisions to make, and yes, you may have some sleepless nights, but one way or another, you MUST DO what is best for you and your wife. Believe me, once we decided to file, I felt this huge weight that I've been carrying slowly being lifted off my shoulders. Knowing that our furture is looking better as each day passes gives me motivation. It's actually very inspiring.

Keep us updated with your situation, and if you have questions, or concerns, we will do what we can to help you get through it.